Divorce stress

consumers_revenge

No reason they cant move in with me as I wfh now. shes then free to leave guilt free.

breaking_free

Consumers_revenge you sound like you've been making an effort and it's not being reciprocated in any way. When things turn to custard it's not so unsual for one party to try to be reasonable while the other party does the opposite; well done you for staying in the family home and being there for your kids.

If your stress levels can stand it, I'd just hang in there. Eventually your wife will realize that she can't get a like-for-like house and that she has to make decisions one way or the other. Just concentrate on taking care of yourself and try not to stress about the things you cannot control (your wife's behaviours and attitude). Take care champ.

consumers_revenge

I wont go down the mentioning of chemtrails in the sky conspiracies controlling us sheep or that covid was a gov plan that shes all into (which has led to her falling out with many friends and even her own family), kids cant have flouride toothpaste as it contains dangerous chemicals, hair shampoo, antibacterial handwash too etc etc. everynight on these sites on her mobile. 

gwynlas

Whilst she appears to want a like ffor like house which is unrealistic how much would an adequate house in the area cost for you both if you are considering shared custody?  If she were to move north then your children would  either need to be in your care 24/7 or move with her. She will be expected to  seek employment even iif this means that you share cost of childcare.

Jude57

consumers_revenge said:

I wont go down the mentioning of chemtrails in the sky conspiracies controlling us sheep or that covid was a gov plan that shes all into (which has led to her falling out with many friends and even her own family), kids cant have flouride toothpaste as it contains dangerous chemicals, hair shampoo, antibacterial handwash too etc etc. everynight on these sites on her mobile. 

If you have concerns that your wife has mental health issues which are adversely affecting your children, you could move out and seek custody of the children while pushing for a forced sale of the house and a final financial settlement.

In any event, it seems to me that your wife is unlikely to agree to anything that involves a change of lifestyle for her, so why not start the ball rolling to get the matter before a judge? Ask your solicitor about how to do this, be proactive rather than trying to persuade your wife to be reasonable.

consumers_revenge

we live in quite a nice area of the town. House on this street/area are upwards of 450k. Could get a reasonable house a few a few streets away for maybe 375k

my solicitor has told me that taking it to court can be upwards of 12 months to fully resolve so advising me not to do that yet and go down the final settlement route first.

lawyer has said to me that it used to be man get screwed in the divorce but its not so much now as it shouldnt put the husband in a position where the kids are coming to a house that they might now want to or be able to visit eg 1 bed if that makes sense.

I do ask myself if its such a massive implication/decisions for her then maybe she should have thought about that 10 months ago?! Feels more like reality has set in and she realises its now not a bed of roses that she had in her head. 

london21

Wish you all the very best.
Hopefully a fair agreement can be reached.

So annoying when one party is putting in so much effort and the other is preventing progress from happening.
If you feel your ex partner does not have the mental capacity to deal with this might need to get medical help. 

Do look after yourself and the children, hopefully your ex partner and yourself can reach a fair agreement. 

elsien

Thrugelmir said:

consumers_revenge said:

I should also not be expected to leave my home pay her and pay for another house. 

Unfortunately where children are involved that's often the case. At least until they've left full time education. Courts assume the guardianship of the children and will place their welfare first. Putting their interests above those of the warring parties. 

I’m not sure that’s necessarily the case. It’s often quoted on here that the parent with care (usually the mother) and the children can stay in the marital home till the children are 18. 

The children’s welfare is met by having a roof over their heads  - it doesn’t automatically follow that it’s the same roof that they have now. 

A divorce settlement has to meet the needs (not wants) of all parties including the other parent. If that means selling and downsizing then that is what has to happen. 

Sibling’s wife refused mediation. That did not do her any favours when it did get to court. 

Spendless

A court may not rule that the property is to be sold. Sometimes they allow the resident parent to stay there until the youngest child reaches 18/finishes education (usually A level or equivalent) or ex re-marries/co-habits and put a charge on the property that the other party is paid what is owed usually be re-mortgaging or selling property at this point. 

Personally I think you need to take the advice of your solicitor. 

consumers_revenge

she comes from up north so wants to go back there likely, just I suspect, doesnt want to now have to support herself (I will happily pay whats required+more for the kids.). she was always overdrawn before we decided to live together.

absolutely no reason she cant work now, especially with more remote/flexible working due to covid. In fact my solicitor told me that often a lady judge will actually agree they should be out working (in the same way they are) but thats not down to me.

I wont be moving out if she wants to go that way......why should I? Im in no rush to start another relationship after this.