Divorce stress

consumers_revenge

Hey

This is a very longwinded story but if someone files for divorce on you and then realises they are not going to get the matrimonial home but just over half to 66% (500k home with 14k left on mortgate) and they also realise they will need/expected to be working again rather than non working so they decide they 'dont know what to do as it has many implications' as their divorce lawyer puts it, is there any sort of counter divorce that can be done to initiate a forced divorce from the defendants side?

Nine months after divorce and still having to live in the same home and very stressed.

Thanks.

BrassicWoman

This sounds like you are divorced, but have not completed the financial settlement, and are still living together -  is that correct?

So you are looking for a way to sort the finances out?

consumers_revenge

No so basically wife asked for a divorce last april (via email lol). She still lives in the house as do I and kids (hence split on sale of house even though Im sole owner and as bought before we met)

Think basically either her or her lawyer envisaged her getting the house and me moving out (she didnt want to try relate or anything even though I asked), understand people fall out of love.

Now its constant stalling 9 or 10 months later and reality has hit in for her. As in OP she wont give any decision to her lawyer now as she realises not giving her the house as I need to live and be happy moving on too (happy to pay my child maintenance and split in her favour to cover kids.). She wont have enough to buy another house, she wants like for like to current house which isnt realistic without getting a job and I dont think she was expecting that. I've been fairly happy that shes decided to be a stay at home mum for last 14 years and I cover the finances as it was a partnership.

But basically Ive been put through hell for the last 10 months with her nasty comments/attitude/refusal to talk about it/losing my kids and home as she originally said about moving up north but now wont even commit to that. Im no longer interested as the trust has completely gone and shes tried to turn the kids against me though only worked with eldest.

Theres no one else involved that I know off and I just want to get out of this stressful nightmare now.

london21

Difficult to understand.
Are you divorced, A lot of equity in the property 14k mortgage left on a £500k home.

So will the house be sold or one person buys the other out?

consumers_revenge

no this is the problem. she filed for a divorce last april. its taken a while for pensions statements, earnings etc to be shown to both parties.We are both still living there......which is horrible.

now I just want out and my lawyer is chasing to get it sorted but shes basically having her lawyer say 'theres lots of financial implications for my client in regards to moving, becoming employed etc etc. As I said reality hitting after being at home for 14 years as a mum. kids 8 and 14 now.

So now Im trying to force the issue of stalling so we can go our seperate ways. Looking for a final settlement I think its called

if the house went say 300 her 186 me as an example she still couldnt buy the equivalent house which is part of the reason for stalling plus she would have to get some kind of income the lawyer has basically said.

Ms_Chocaholic

Could you buy her out?

MalMonroe

Who will be looking after your children? I guess your wife. In which case, it IS going to be difficult for her. She may have to go to work but she won't want to - and there's nothing odd about that at all - because she has two children to think about. She won't want to subject her children to the upheaval of not only their parents parting but also moving home and having to maybe start at new schools and make new friends, etc. Not so bad for the 8 year old (although still traumatic) but very bad for any 14 year old.

You don't seem to mention your children, except in terms of you - i.e. one of them has been turned against you by your wife (a very difficult thing to do with a child of any age, I know as I'm divorced myself).

You could actually leave if you are so desperate. I know you say you bought the house and it's yours but courts won't see it like that. Any judge will put the children and their welfare first whether you like it or not and your wife and children could well end up staying in the house anyway. It won't be classed as 'yours' because it's a family home with £14k still left to pay. Your wife has obviously contributed to the upkeep of that property for the last 14 years and she's had the lion's share of the child raising too.

You say "She wont have enough to buy another house, she wants like for like to current house which isn't realistic" but it IS realistic because she will not be expected by any court to provide for your children on her own. 

Your wife is right to 'stall' because she has two children to consider. Her solicitor has probably advised her to do that and so would I. 

I know you are hurt, upset and angry but if you could try looking at things from the outside, you will realise that your children must always come first for you both. Your wife has taken that on board and will need your support - with some kind of agreement so you can see them often - and financial help. She's going to be the one who will not be able to and cannot (as you want to do) go her separate way. Life's going to be much harder for her. She's also hurt, upset and angry. Divorce can be nasty (as I said, I've been there) but you could try to make an effort not to be vindictive when your wife is really not going to come out of it as well as you seem to think she is.

WillowCat

Do you have the decree nisi or has she withdrawn the petition?

If so, then you can petition for divorce.

If you have the decree nisi but the financial settlement is stalling you can apply for a financial order (assuming she hasn't already done this).  You first of all need to try mediation, if this fails then the court steps in.  It's a long, laborious process, and potentially more expensive than legal negotiations if you are represented, but it will move the situation along.

If you do go down the court route it doesn't stop separate negotiation which would then stop the court process by organising the consent order.  Sometimes just the court application is enough to get the other side to get a move on.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-a-notice-of-intention-to-proceed-with-an-application-for-a-financial-order

consumers_revenge

malmunroe. I never asked her to leave. I also wanted mediation. I am happy to pay support for my kids. Im also not contesting she is entitled to get more of a share of the house so not being vendictive. It was a family home. I should also not be expected to leave my home pay her and pay for another house. Even checking on the gov website they expect her to be working at those ages. Shes stressed? Sure theres lots of mothers out there who work? what about me looking for a rope and a beam in the garage as my initial reaction to getting a divorce out the blue!!

willow. Shes not withdrawn anything. She doesnt want mediation or even to discuss it. In fact she told her solicitor to tell me I couldnt even talk to the kids about it.

Thrugelmir

consumers_revenge said:

I should also not be expected to leave my home pay her and pay for another house. 

Unfortunately where children are involved that's often the case. At least until they've left full time education. Courts assume the guardianship of the children and will place their welfare first. Putting their interests above those of the warring parties. 

consumers_revenge

might just be better to give up working then and start missing the mortgage payments until bank forcloses then :-D

The stress of this is affecting my work anyway