Frump to Fab 2022 - The Big One

chanie

@sugarbaby125 i hope your encounter with FA didn’t spoil your evening. it’s horrible when you get a reminder that so much discrimination exists in the world.


i’ve been reading along, but haven’t posted as i’ve got lots on at the moment.  Although Mr C is still in pain from his injury at work, the hospital Dr has had he is recovering well.

i don’t show my purchases very often, but as this is the fabbing thread and it’s been a bit quiet recently, here is my newest purchase, £15 on e bay, brand new, so i couldn’t say no!!  

sugarbaby125

Hello Ladies,

Unfortunately, when you are a black woman living in London you get daily reminders of the many forms that racism can take, but as you age, you no longer have the energy to take every instance as something to feel offended about. If I get these encounters in a theatre, then I just tend to laugh to myself or I walk away. 

When I recently went to see Glitterball at the Riverside Studios, after the play, I attempted to buy a copy of the Glitterball play text from a member of the theatre staff who totally blanked me. I put the book back on the table and walked out of the theatre before my anger exploded. I can still be surprised as to what form racism can take. It may only have been a small sale that was lost, but even if you multiplied that cost by hundreds, it would make a big difference to that theatre.  

I doubt I will be inclined to return to that particular theatre. I would rather spend my money at theatres that genuinely welcome me as a customer. 

Of course, so many non-racist people of every colour and culture you encounter on a daily basis mitigate all of my daily incidents of racism. Most of the incidents are thankfully not even worth discussing. 

Racism in the workplace, really hurts, as there are always policies and procedures that should be followed and when they are not, and you stand up for yourself and open a very valid grievance, not only is your grievance not upheld, but you also inevitably lose your post soon after. 

When I was a Nursery Nurse, I was on annual leave. On returning from annual leave, the deputy manager of the private nursey wanted a one-to-one meeting with me. She wanted to discuss 2 incidents where a child in the baby room that I worked in had not received their prescribed medication at the time and on the day that they should have, which is a very big human error. Incredibly this deputy manager when reminded by me that I had only just returned to work after a week's annual leave, still wanted me to comment on how these mistakes had occurred. When I stated that as I was at home when both incidents took place, I did not have any knowledge of what had taken place, she still tried to get me to explain how the incidents had happened. I had to repeat that I was on annual leave. She still insisted that I should be able to explain what had gone wrong. It was surreal. It was like I had fallen into a comedy sketch, where the ridiculous was being seen as reality. She made it quite clear in the speech that she ended the meeting on, that I should be willing to share some of the blame for these two serious errors, which happened when I was at home! You could not make this s**t up. This is just one of the many times that she tried to make me accountable for other people who worked in the baby room's mistakes. I was one of only 2 black women who were employed in this particular private nursery. Neither of us were employed there for too long, we both resigned, for personal reasons. 

sugarbaby125

Chanie, those shoes were a real bargain.

I hope your husband will fully recover from his injury soon. 

Wednesday2000

Like the shoes Chanie!:)

I have also bought new footwear, two pairs of trainers and a pair of brown ankle boots from Amazon. I realised my black and white Skechers have a hole in the sole so I had to bin them. I am moving a shelf from the second bedroom into our main bedroom later and using them to store some of my shoes.

I have my flu jab and the hygienist in November and I want to book the chiropodist too for a tidy up. I have booked my dog in to the kennel for a weekend in November (comedy night) and one weekend in December (rock gig) and we also have a couple days in Cardiff. My brother is coming over to house-sit and pet-sit for us for Cardiff.

I wonder if this mild weather will last into November. I think I will find it a shock to the system once it does get chilly as we had such a hot summer and a mild early autumn so far. 

My husband has the whole of November off work. It is our wedding anniversary that month and his birthday. It was lucky he booked the time off as there are more rail and tube strikes so that will mean he will miss the disruption to his commute and it means he gets paid for the day of the tube strike too.

I am watching the free shows on Sky at the moment. I watched the Framing Britney Spears documentary and found that absolutely shocking that she was so trapped in that awful situation for so many years. At the moment I am watching Sharp Objects which is a TV show based on a Gillian Flynn novel, she wrote Gone Girl too. I really have been enjoying that.

I am still reading the Mariah Carey autobiography. I had no idea she grew up poor. I don't really know that much about her, but I knew her mother was an opera singer so I assumed she grew up in wealth.

I have the Matthew Perry autobiography arriving on the 1st and I have preordered the Prince Harry book too. I don't know why I am suddenly so into these types of books.

liberty_lily

How appalling that Francesca Annis behaved in that way towards you, Sugarbaby 😓 I have always admired her work as an actor but she has gone down massively in my estimation now 😠

Pretty shoes, Chanie...perfect for cheering up the gloomier days as they approach 😀 It's good to hear your DH is making progress too!

Wednesday, you're going to be busy - and how wonderful that your DH has a whole month off!!! We could do with that here, but it's non-stop work for my DH at the moment. It's been soooo long since we took a holiday (2016 😯), we really do need to try to find time for one next year. Meanwhile, he has hinted at taking some time off in the run-up to Christmas but I imagine that will be to ensure we have a finished living room ahead of the festive season - it was awful having acrows in between the sofas last Christmas!

I hope Helen is okay and that her house sale is moving rapidly towards exchange and completion. I miss seeing her posts 🙁

I never did find my blooming staple gun - I've not used it since buying the mill, so wonder if it got lost when we put everything into storage between selling our last house and buying this place....

No worries, I've found plenty of other stuff to keep me busy in DH's absence (wallpapering, moving furniture, a spot of gardening and lots of reading plus the chairs are prepped ready to upholster). I also put a few Halloween decs up - although can't get the loft ladder down so the majority including my treasured vintage French pottery ghosts/pumpkins (a gift from my late parents) are probably not coming out this year - in readiness for DH's return on Sunday and our traditional supper on 31st 👻🧙‍♀️🎃

sugarbaby125

Liberty Lily,

I really love your Halloween decorations. 

helensbiggestfan

hello lovely ladies.  IM still here - alive and kicking....just about, 😂🤣.   Super busy.  Unfortunately not with the house move, that's still dragging on.  The EA tells me all is well and that we are just awaiting the buyers buyers local searches. They estimate they will be back by Monday so we could be looking at end of November. Not ideal but no doubt both parties will be pushing to be in their new houses by Christmas. Hopefully the picture will become clearer next week.  In the meantime I'm continuing to deep clean, declutter and pack a few boxes so I dont leave it all till the last minute.  

SUgarbaby....sorry to hear your stories about racism, it can't be easy for you, especially when it's on practically on a daily basis.   

Love the shoes Chanie. And love the Halloween decs.  I'm off to a my grandsons birthday party tomorrow,  (2nd. Birthday). Apparently I have to dress as spider.........😂🤣.   

Oops must dash.  Back later.  

sugarbaby125

Hello Ladies,

Helen it is so good to read your post. Enjoy your grandson's 2nd birthday party. 

Racism is mostly benign in London, so most instances are the stuff to make you laugh rather than feel offended. Every time I leave the house, I encounter people of all races and ages who are great reminders of decent human beings, so on the whole, I have far more positive interactions with other people. 

I love living in London, as it is a place full of so much culture. I have another busy week ahead of me. 

helensbiggestfan

I would think that London is such a vast multicultural melting pot that any kind of racisim, prejudice or intolerance is relatively benign. I'm sure there are areas in the U.K. where it can be pretty unpleasant.  

Derby is a really multicultural city, wave after wave of immigration. I like it, it's lively and vibrant.  I went to our local Lidl today, their range of ethnic foods was amazing, and there was the usual babel of languages.  

This reminds me ......

As you know my mother was Belgian.  Her sister lived in a country village not a million miles away from Ghent but it was like living on a different planet. extremely parochial. A bit like the village in the film "Chocolate". The mayor was God and his word was law. He and the priest were absolute rulers.  

Well each year a couple of teens would come to spend a few weeks with us to help them learn English. Different ones each year.  The girls in our neighbourhood loved it when we had boys come to stay, because they were seen as exotic and different, more glamorous and interesting than the poor local lads who were no competition.  

One year we had two boys.  One was painfully shy around the local girls, the other had no qualms, he was a real extrovert who loved dancing and was great fun.  It was the summer of Donna Summer and the height of disco, so of course I took them out on the town. Word got out about the handsome foreign boys and girls flocked round them.  They caused a sensation, especially the extrovert who looked like a young Steve McQueen and who was a brilliant dancer.

 The shy one was mortified by the attention, the extrovert lapped it up. I had already guessed the extrovert might be gay but I found out he was trans when I caught him in my bedroom rifling through my wardrobe, admiring my clothes, especially the evening wear.  I asked if he wanted to try them on. He said "yes please" - so I left him to it and made sure he wasn't disturbed.  

A few years later mum told me what she thought was a big secret.....,"She said. X has been wearing Womens' clothes, and now he has gone to live in Amsterdam, his parents are so upset". I just said "well of course he has, where else would he go......you can't expect him to stay in M......., a godforsaken backwater, full of nosy narrow minded busy bodies, where he will be taunted and mocked and his life made miserable. It would be hell for him".  

Mum was gobsmacked by my response and asked me how long I'd known.  She had had no idea about him, bless her she was quite naive in many ways. At first I think she was more shocked  that he had run away to Amsterdam but then when she stopped to think about she was forced to admit that he was probably better off there than in some remote country village that was decades behind the times and where some of the inhabitants were extremely narrow minded and judgemental.  

Sometimes cities are the best haven for those who are "different", whether it's race, ethnic background or sexual orientation.  The provinces can be a very harsh environment if you don't fit in.  

I bought my first house in 1976. A cute cottage in a little village, just a few miles from the city. It was a different world, very different from the council estate where I had grown up. 

My new neighbour, who was now retired but who had lived and worked in the city warned me that some of the inhabitants would be very wary of me being a "city slicker" and that I would need to be careful and be sure not to flaunt my "batchelor girl lifestyle" for fear of being branded a scarlet woman.  She was a hoot and we got on like a house on fire. I heeded her experienced advice and her words of wisdom served me well.  I kept a low profile ......😂🤣. 

 There were people in that village who had never been to Derby, yet it was less than 10 miles away. One of them was a lad who took a shine to me and asked me out. He had never set foot in the city and was in awe of me because I worked there and commuted daily.  You'd have thought I was going to Sin City.....the irony is he fancied himself as a Punk Rocker. 😂🤣.  

Nowt so queer as folk.....

helensbiggestfan

Anyway, back to the topic of the day.  

What glorious weather, I have been gardening today and most days this week I have been able to sit out and catch a few rays. And of course it has been a real bonus not to need the heating going full belt....saves a few pennies.  

Well the good news is......I have now lost a stone.  And even better ....... my blood sugar levels are coming down nicely.  I feel and look tons better.  I am able to wear clothes that haven't seen the light of day for quite some time, some even had the labels still on.  

Maman I get what you say about being bored with your wardrobe.....me too.  I am ready  for a complete new image.  I recently had a big purge and as I lose more weight I shall continue to edit and replenish.  

Last week I took part in a course of online life coaching.  All part of my drive for self improvement and my journey out of frumpdom........  It was really interesting, quite a revelation and at times, a little disconcerting.  It made me dig deep and really think about what made me become a frump in the first place.  A lot of it goes back to childhood experiences, especially issues around my birthmark and being made to feel ugly, unworthy etc.  it's funny just how deep these issues can be and how they can linger well into adulthood and impact our self esteem and the way we see ourselves.  

I was always very envious of some of my cousins, they were so pretty, with their beautiful long hair and perfect skin. They were so vivacious and always beautifully dressed in girly feminine clothes.  I was the complete opposite.  As well as my unfortunate birthmark I was also gifted with being too tall, too skinny and with whispy baby fine hair which my parents kept brutally short in the mistaken belief it would help it thicken up.  I wasn't allowed pretty feminine clothes, everything had to be "serviceable". 

Of course I was criticised for being envious. Envy was one of the seven deadly sins after all.  Being envious or jealous wasn't nice, good girls never gave into jealousy. I was taught that jealousy was ugly and I was made to feel like I was wicked for experiencing what is a perfectly normal feeling. 

Now of course I know different. I understand that envy/jealousy is no more than the emotion we feel when our desires are thwarted. Being envious didn't make me a bad person.  It was my parents who made me feel I was bad and who shattered my confidence.  Of course I wanted to be pretty like my cousins, what child wouldn't.  

I've also come to understand that envy can actually be constructive if we harness it and use it as a tool to help spur us on to achieve our goals.  

So yes that course awakened some uncomfortable memories but on the whole I would say it was very beneficial. I learned a lot.  It has also helped me clarify where I want to go in life and what I want to achieve as I move forward, out of grief at last and on to the next stage.  

At the beginning of this year I chose "Radical Transformation" as my mantra.

 I'm getting there.