Granddaughter dislikes me

amandacat

Hi all. I have a granddaughter who is just coming up to 2. For some reason she really dislikes me, she cried every time she saw me as a baby. She doesn’t cry now she’s walking but she avoids me. If I walk into the same room she turns around and looks away or closes her eyes so she can’t see me. If I go near her she runs away and clings to her grandad (my husband) who she adores. 

She sleeps at our house once a week and it means my husband has to do all the child care. She won’t even be in the same room as me alone.
It’s so strange and I really can’t think what happened for her to dislike me. At the moment I just give her space as I don’t want to distress her further. 

Has anyone else experienced this with their own kids hating a family member or can give any advice? Thanks 

olgadapolga

I wouldn't worry about it, my niece took exception to almost everyone in my family until she was about four and she was fine after that. 

I remember being terrified of both of my grandfathers. But I think that had they lived until I was older (they both died when I was eight) I would still have been terrified by them...

maman

Do you perhaps look like her mum (but not her mum IYSWIM). My DGD found my BIL scary when she was little as he looked like grandad but wasn't. She found it confusing but grew out of it.. 

My other DGD didn't like me much either because I would turn lights off at night and wasn't the pushover her mum is. She grew out of that too. 

I wouldn't force her but try to be natural around her. Get your DH to show you affection, thank you profusely for food etc so that she can see that he doesn't find you scary at all 

Savvy_Sue

This isn't meant to sound as personal as it does, but do you smell?

Is it possible she's reacting to a perfume or skin lotion you use?

Having said that, I'd be surprised if she actually hates you. If it was my child, I wouldn't keep sending her to you if I thought there was a real problem.

And at 2, it is possible to start talking about it - or for Granddad to do so?

And are there things you and he can do together with her? For example, she sits on his lap, but you do some of the voices in the bedtime story?

Brie

re what @Savvy_Sue said.....
I used to throw up every time I got into the car with my mom - and that was because she wore very pungent perfume and ensured she had fresh breath by chewing on very minty gum.   Took me years to figure out what the problem was even once I was of age to control myself.  

And our lovely neighbours when I was a child.....loved her and always thought that she was wonderful and sweet but he was terrifying.  Again - I never knew why he scared me but he seemed to fix me with this steely glare as if he was angry.  Decades later my mom mentioned how wonderful it was that he was such a great golfer given that he only had one eye.  The other was glass!  

It's a weird combo of senses and childish imagination.  

amandacat

Thanks for the replies and advice. She’s a little behind on milestones, only just walking and not talking yet so she’s not at a stage where we can talk to her about it yet. 

I don’t wear perfume or have any strange features that might be scaring her (I don’t think). 

Her mum doesn’t seem bothered and says she’ll grow out of it. 

It’s just a horrible feeling. 

FluffityBunny

I wouldn't worry too much, some children do have attachment issues and will only stick with one person (their safe person, their comfort zone).  I speak from experience as my daughter would scream the house down if I left the room, she was so wary of other people.  Out of curiosity how often do you see your grand-daughter?

stig

I think I would be more concerned that at almost two she was not talking at all and only just walking. Given that most of her life has been during the pandemic with drastically reduced levels of interaction, either social or by healthcare professionals, have her parents had reassurance that she’s developing normally and is just at the later end of the range? 

Re  disliking thing - is there anything physically distinctive about you compared to the other adults in her life - i.e do you wear glasses when they don’t?  It seems that the problem isn’t with anything you’re doing but with how you appear to her, so it might be interesting to experiment with small changes to try to work out what it is - for example, does she react the same if she comes into the room when your back is turned? When you’re wearing/not wearing glasses? When  you’re holding a toy/not holding a toy?

just a thought.

Savvy_Sue

amandacat said:

It’s just a horrible feeling. 

It is, isn't it?

My eldest NEVER said "I love you Mummy", was never affectionate etc. There were reasons, but we didn't know them at the time. 

Have you tried bribery? Granddad says "Grandma has the cake / toy / whatever, let's go and get it from her." Don't ask for more than that, no interaction, just learning that grandma has fun stuff ...

sarahmayers

My 5 year old told me that she didn't want to see my face today until I had makeup on. I have no idea where she got that from?

sarahmayers

Children can be harsh