Single mum to 5, striving for debt free life

Keedie

Just catching up again @Jill12 and I still think you're doing a fantastic job even though life is hard and you've had some tough decisions to make.

It's such a wonderful feeling when you're space is being decluttered isn't it? My carer came today and helped me so much by putting on two loads of washing and hanging them out and folding the clean clothes that had piled up. Visually and mentally it made all the difference! So hopefully you get on top of your clothes situation soon and you'll all feel more free and zen for it 😁.

With regards to your eldest, I think @dawnybabes is right, getting the ball rolling at an earlier age is best, as you can arrange something that suits her needs and you can very pragmatic and pushy where you need to with the social worker, so that they ensure she has the correct environment and you can easily visit her and she can come for visits etc. My eldest sister is 52 and she has not mentally aged since I was a small child and my mum is 70, slowing down and not in the best health. I can see that my mum wants to arrange something in terms of supported living, but they've been together for 52 years aside from brief times where my sister has been on long term respite, and my mum despite being weary and sometimes utterly overwhelmed, cannot part ways with my sister. Her behaviour is less challenging than it was, but it doesn't make it any less demanding or draining at times, and I tend to be on edge when she comes to my house for the weekend to give my respite (me and my siblings have her for the weekend once a month so that my mum has a break).

I'm sorry that you ended up down the stairs, and it's okay to think of your own wellbeing and safeguarding your other children. I used to be petrified of my sister when I was a small child, we all were. As she was a teenager when we were in early primary school and she used to fly into absolute rages and would rip our books and break our toys as she's not very verbal and just couldn't express herself properly. I don't think us running and hiding from her helped matters, as in hindsight she just wanted to play but couldn't really communicate and so she tried to take over. Nowadays, she's not really that violent, although she punched me a couple of weeks ago for seemingly no reason, but I realised that she was angry as I didn't read a book with her when I said I would. So I kinda walked into that one lol.

I've no doubt that you love her deeply, but it's okay to have different living arrangements. My son is not any spectrum, but I can't wait until he turns 18 and hopefully goes to uni and moves out. It's not that I don't love him, but I think we both need some space from each other as we've been in each other's pockets since he was born. I know he'd like to have more autonomy and spread his wings as well. And if he doesn't end up moving out, as an adult it'll be easier anyway as he won't be so reliant on me. That probably sounds incredibly horrible as you sign up for parenting and being depended upon, but the reality is sometimes very hard. You just have to make the most of your situation. 

savingholmes

I'm glad you touched based with the Social Worker to discuss a way forward. There are different levels of autism but that sounds pretty challenging. You have to think of your safety and that of the children - and your energy levels. 

Hugs.

Honeysucklelou2

Just catching up on your diary...a huge well done for seeing the loft project through and creating that extra space. Must be wonderful to have your own room.

Hope your email to the social worker is able to get your DD the support needed.

Keedie

Hi @Jill12, just checking in to see how you're doing? I hope you're all settled in now after the renovations and are able to enjoy the summer holidays with the kids x.