Single mum to 5, striving for debt free life

savingholmes

So pleased for you on your own room. Dressing room and ensuite the icing on the cake.

Have a good day.

[Deleted User]

Jill you are on fire! All this hard work will pay off when you can relax at home and have time to pursue things that make you happy in your new chapter after full time work life is paused.

I can't help but wish I was helping you declutter. I love it, I also know that it's such a personal thing and from helping family in the past it can be difficult lol. I'm glad you found time for you and that you had fun xxx

Keedie

I've just caught up with your diary @Jill12 and it's an aspiring read! I'm so pleased that you stuck to your instincts and quit your job and forged ahead with the remortgage and now have your own bedroom with en suite!

I'm a single mother of one child and that's hard, so you're doing exceptionally well with 5. When my parents divorced my mum was with the 5 of us and my eldest sister is autistic and it was an adjustment, but as boundaries changed we all got used to new ways of doing things and before my dad died, my parents were even living together again as my mum helped to care for him at the end. Families and their dynamics constantly change, and as long as your kids have you as a constant, they'll be okay. I hope there are no lasting effects from your child's assault, which I was very sorry to read about.

I admire your resilience and focus on mental wellbeing, as that's so vital that people don't often realise how important the mind is. Quitting your job and recreating a new home within your current home, are brave decisions that I think will make such a difference for you and your family. Decluttering is such a rewarding yet difficult process, I have a Support Worker from my local council that comes once a week to help me with my clutter, as it was too much for carer to deal with. And we've made great progress and I feel so much lighter for it. I need to redecorate this summer as I have the paint just sitting there taking up space in the cupboard.

And a massive congratulations on being debt free! Mums are always taking care of us, even when they're not here to do so in person. So I'm glad this was able to help you change track in life, you and your family will be in a much better position, simply for the freedom that a lack of debt can bring to your lives. 😊

Jill12

thanks @savingholmes, I appreciate you taking time to comment, you keep my motivation up 
@Adeley, the decluttering has been a humongous task but I kept going and even when I was feeling completely overwhelmed I just reminded myself of the £10 or 10 min rule. When completely stuck I picked up a black bin bag and just started putting in obvious rubbish. But I am well over 50% of the way through all my crap!!
@Keedie, thank u for taking the time to write your post. Even with 1 child you are awesome to be making progress in your own right. Your mum sounds like a super woman and like her my oldest is autistic and has learning disabilities. Keep going because I promise you will get there x

The last two weeks have flown by in a mixture of dust and hurry! The loft is now complete and I have 2 kids up there living their best lives. Everyone is in their own rooms, myself included and the junk that filled every crevice is slowly disappearing and making room for nothing and air. The whole journey has been thoroughly life changing. The worse point was last Wednesday when the carpet fitters came and I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, it all got just too much. I called my dad to come round and sit with me while the guys laid the new carpets. On my dads arrival he instructed me to pour a very large stiff drink and go somewhere quiet. So sitting in my kitchen I inhaled a large port at 12pm in the afternoon while still wearing my pj's!! This large port was followed quickly by two more and dare I say it had the desired effect as I chilled right out and started talking absolute garbage!! That day was absolutely the worse day but since then everything has been falling into place. I am in the process of painting my own room, just subtle grey and I have ordered a new carpet for my room too, again subtle grey. But I do see an end approaching. It is my birthday at the end of August so to have it all complete would be wonderful. 

Money continues to leave and enter my bank account at an unobserved rate at the moment. I have lost control of the budget so I will have to jump back on the wagon and address this. I do though have no debt and my savings account is looking healthy and the feeling of having some money put by is a great relief x

savingholmes

Glad your plan has come together. A relaxing and calming space makes the world of difference.

lucielle

Wow!  You've achieved so much.  Hope it's all sorted for your Birthday!
L

Jill12

Progress with decluttering seems to be making great progress, all rooms and living spaces are clear, even the garage and hut have been cleared. Still some areas that need addressing, especially clothing, everyones clothing is everywhere so tonight once home from work I will make a start with that. 

I have briefly mentioned before I have a kid with autism and learning disability, she is my oldest and next year will turn 18. Caring for her is extremely difficult and was the main reasons I chose to give up my job to care for her. My mum use to help out with her before and after school and take her at weekends but that sadly that stopped after she passed and suddenly I was flung into being with her full time. I had a child minder since but that is now not working as she is getting too old and too unpredictable for child care. I enquired about benefits I would be able to claim once I gave up work to become a carer and the whole system and process scared the absolute crap out of me. So, I have come to the realisation that as much as I love her she will not be able to continue to live with me once she is 18. At times she can be unpredictable and violent. One example was last month she returned for respite and was so overloaded emotionally that I ended up at the bottom of the stairs in a heap. I was lucky this time but realise next time might not be. Children with ASN are all very cute when they are younger but throw in the teenage year, hormones and inability to process emotions and it makes for a hellish life for the rest of the household!! So, yesterday I sat down and coined an email to her social worker explaining that I would like to enquire about supported living once she turns 18. The email was lengthy and at times, I am sure, I could have been a little more eloquent but sometimes you just need to say it like it is and not dress it up in fairy lights. I am realistic about what her future will be like and perhaps for the first time in 17 years I dare think how my future might be if I was able to secure the support she needs. Maybe I am getting ahead of myself and too excited. With regards to my job. I adore my job, I was just so overwhelmed with everything else going on, that jacking my job in seemed like the logical and sensible thing to do. However, a life on benefits will see a  mega, drastic reduction in our income and quality of life. Now I am thinking more clearly I am not so sure I would be making the right decision especially now I have realised what my biggest obstacle is. Life is a constant flux, like my bank account at the moment lol xx

mark55man

Good luck Jill12 - it is a nightmare but with persistence (and the help of the MSE Boards - especially Benefits board) you will get the result that you and your DD need to move forward.  

lucielle

A difficult decision to make and not one made easily.  Hope you both get the help you need.
L

dawnybabes

It’s so very hard, my DS has ASD as well plus all the usual Co-morbids ! 

I went to a talk recently by our local council and they where saying in the ‘real world’ most 18 yr olds do now leave home to go to uni so it’s the norm now so why shouldnt it happen for our Kids.  Also some people just hang on as ‘no one else can look after them’ but actually it’s better getting them in younger whilst you’re still around and of sound mind so you can make sure they are in the right placement getting the right support,  if you leave it too late then they would be plonked where there was a space and not necessarily the right place. 
 

As you know everything is a bloody battle so better earlier than later,