Money Gifted by Parent who now needs to be in a care home.

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  • tooldle
    tooldle Posts: 1,464
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    Ignore the brother for now.
    Does your friend have evidence of mum’s gift to both herself and her brother and, bank statements to show the balance of mum’s account at the time she moved out. Pull these together, sit tight and wait for social services to make contact.
    Does the mother have a pension of her own? Don’t forget pension income and attendance allowance will go someway towards covering the fees. 
  • KJAVW
    KJAVW Posts: 31
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    tooldle said:
    Ignore the brother for now.
    Does your friend have evidence of mum’s gift to both herself and her brother and, bank statements to show the balance of mum’s account at the time she moved out. Pull these together, sit tight and wait for social services to make contact.
    Does the mother have a pension of her own? Don’t forget pension income and attendance allowance will go someway towards covering the fees. 
    She has proof of the monies credited to her account but her brother dealt with it and he now has the paperwork since the mother is living with him
  • BAFE
    BAFE Posts: 267
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    It's up to social services what happens next, not the brother.

    I'm afraid I don't have a very high opinion of either your friend or her brother.  What kind of children take money off their elderly parents without considering about how they'll pay for care.  I wouldn't dream of taking money from my mother - it's for her care!
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,198
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    edited 7 February 2022 at 4:33PM
    BAFE said:
    It's up to social services what happens next, not the brother.

    I'm afraid I don't have a very high opinion of either your friend or her brother.  What kind of children take money off their elderly parents without considering about how they'll pay for care.  I wouldn't dream of taking money from my mother - it's for her care!
    That seems a bit harsh - the plan was that they would care for her, and for 6 years it appears that that is exactly what happened. I imagine that 6 years of care home fees, or rent plus visiting carers,  would have made quite a dent in mum's savings!

    I would however agree that your friend needs to sis tight and wait to hear from the Local Authority / Social Services. She should be completely honest with them when they do the financial assessment , they will also be looking at what capital Mum has left , and will no doubt be looking at her accounts for the last 6 years.

    Ultimately, it is mum who is in an awkward position if she doesn't have enough let to pay her way and is assessed to have intentionally deprived herself of assets. It may be that it would not be seen as deprivation of assets, given that at the time there was no expectation that she would require care, and she both retained a significant proportion of her assets and had a plan for ongoing care (albeit one which has since fallen through) 

    I also agree that your friend should ignore her brother for now, and wait to hear from mother or whoever is doing the financial assessment. I think that the local authority can try to get money back from her and her brother, but as the transfer was more than 6 months before she went into care I don't think they have any power to force her to pay it back or pay for care. (they may be able to recover money from her brother if any more was transferred t o him in the 6 months before mum went into care) 

    You mention that your friend is elderly - how old is she, and what is her fincial position? How old is her brother? 

    I am not sure what happens if she is found to have deprived herself of assets but needs care - I presume that she doesn't get thrown out onto the streets 


    The relevant bit of law would appear to be s21 of the Health And Social Services And Social Security Adjudications Act 1983


    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,468
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    @ TBagpuss
    The person you have replied to is not the original poster.

    The original poster has not logged back onto MSE since November 2021.
  • KJAVW
    KJAVW Posts: 31
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    edited 7 February 2022 at 8:17PM
    BAFE said:
    It's up to social services what happens next, not the brother.

    I'm afraid I don't have a very high opinion of either your friend or her brother.  What kind of children take money off their elderly parents without considering about how they'll pay for care.  I wouldn't dream of taking money from my mother - it's for her care!
    Well that is your choice but you shouldn't judge. The Mother was in her 90's and the daughter is a very nimble and active 76 with a brother 10-12 years younger. The 76yr old daughter had a specially adapted house for her recently deceased husband/son (both died of separate but equally serious illnesses and she nursed them).  Her mother was struggling on her own, she was capable of looking after herself but struggled with shopping etc and loneliness,  so they kids agreed to take joint responsibility to look after her and she insisted on giving them the money nearly six years ago. Neither asked or expected it.

    My friend refused any monthly board money from her Mum who eventually insisted on giving her £100 a month so she was hardly a user, as that went on taxi's.  From that moment on the brother did nothing but call in for an hour once in a blue moon and left my mate looking after her elderly mum all by herself, with no transport and no respite. The truth is my friend was too elderly to take over the care of her mum, but she wouldn't hear that and I believe her brother didn't like the alternative as her Mother did not wish to go into care or sheltered housing, so that left only him.

    In three years he had only taken her for one weekend and she only stayed 1 night as she didn't want to be there. My friend always took her mum on holiday with her but when she needed a break (from a 24/7 carers life) and invited her friend to come on a holiday with her and her mum, her mum then refused to go and went to stay with her son whilst the holiday happened. When my friend got back, her mums furniture had gone and she announced she was staying with her son. He was not best pleased and my friend was devastated. She was at the brothers home for nearly three years with him and his wife.   

    My mate still has the money, he bought stuff (which he could sell) but he believes his sister should pay and he should get away with it.  My mate is not objecting to paying it back, but the unfairness of her brothers assumption that she should cough up and that he therefore doesn't need to.

    We'll never know what might have been, as just before Christmas the mum died in hospital, and the brother had never even told my friend her mum had deteriorated and was on her deathbed so she didn't get to say goodbye. She got a call in the early hours of the morning saying her mum had passed and they were ringing her as they couldn't reach the son.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,468
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    Sorry to hear that.

    It's sad that someone decided to bring this thread back to life just to be judgemental.

  • KJAVW
    KJAVW Posts: 31
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    Pollycat said:
    Sorry to hear that.

    It's sad that someone decided to bring this thread back to life just to be judgemental.

    Indeed it is, this lady has gone through so much and deserved better from her brother.  She really did care for her mother, not just emotionally but physically and that's why she has friends to support her who know the truth.  But thank you for your kindness.
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