Money Moral Dilemma: Should I charge my partner rent?

sue.b_2

Do you ever stay at his house? If so offer to do the food shopping occasionally and see what his response is. He may not have realised how you feel. I do think your relationship is ending if you need to ask this question here rather than raise it with him.

meknowalot-51

cactuschild said:

I'm in a similar situation - my boyfriend owns a place but rents it out. He's paid off his mortgage on his place, so he only pays for council tax and water rates.  He stays at mine all the time yet refuses to pay any rent to me or contribute to anything other than the grocery shopping bill.  I cook all the meals, do all the cleaning and pay for everything (rent, bills, water, internet, TV) on a wage that's not much above the minimum threshold.  If I challenge him, we always have a massive fight and he threatens to move back to his (he always keeps a room there 'just in case').  Ok, I get that he wouldn't be paying rent at his (due to having paid off his mortgage) but if he lived there, he'd still be paying for everything else AND he'd have to do all the cooking and cleaning.  I feel like I've got a pretty raw deal and he's got completely the opposite.  AND he earns twice as much as I do :-/

This ones a bit easier,you can remain the doormat or have another massive fight and make sure your holding open the door for him.Remain as you are and your always going to be used..........he will call you in a week or two then you can have a proper discusion,your only here once.

Maat

It sounds to me as though he's taking advantage of you. I think we can discount the rent since you would have to pay that anyway. Wear and tear is hard to quantify. But some things will definitely be costing you more - Water (assuming you're on a meter), electricity and gas, and of course food. I think it's time this guy started paying his way. I can understand how unfair you feel it is that he should have such low cost accommodation while you're covering much of his consumption of food, fuel and water. Some things are unfair, however, and so redress has to be concerned solely with what he's actually costing you.

If you have old fuel and water bills it should be easy enough to calculate - based on single compared to double occupancy meter readings, but then calculated using current prices as that's what it's costing you now. A simpler alternative would be either half each for all these bills or, if he's there five days a week say, then you'd halve the week's usage and charge him five sevenths of that. The latter two suggestions would include food consumption as well, of course.

In a good relationship you should be able to discuss such things. If you think carefully about what you want from him so you can present it clearly and calmly hopefully all should be well. He might be surprised at first, not least perhaps from never having thought about it before. He may even be embarassed to think he's been battening on you for some time without it occurring to him to make suitable arrangements with you for his being there. It's easy to slip into a pattern of staying occasionally to staying almost the whole time, which I suspect is what's happened here. If he's a user he'll simply get angry to ensure you won't mention the matter again. If so, run!

hotsnowflake78

Are you claiming sole occupancy on council tax? I'm sure theres a rule that you cant do this if you've someone living with you more than half the week regardless of whether they're contributing or not. 

MalMonroe

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I'm in a long-term relationship, and though we don't live together he stays at my house more than half of each week. He has his own place provided through work, so pays minimal rent and household bills. As he stays at mine most of the time, should I charge him for rent and bills?

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You are partners so no, don't charge him.

Instead, sit down with him and talk about this. Why can't you have a mature and open discussion? You say you're in a relationship but you can't say what you think/feel? Not a very good relationship as far as I can see.

MalMonroe

cactuschild said:

I'm in a similar situation - my boyfriend owns a place but rents it out. He's paid off his mortgage on his place, so he only pays for council tax and water rates.  He stays at mine all the time yet refuses to pay any rent to me or contribute to anything other than the grocery shopping bill.  I cook all the meals, do all the cleaning and pay for everything (rent, bills, water, internet, TV) on a wage that's not much above the minimum threshold.  If I challenge him, we always have a massive fight and he threatens to move back to his (he always keeps a room there 'just in case').  Ok, I get that he wouldn't be paying rent at his (due to having paid off his mortgage) but if he lived there, he'd still be paying for everything else AND he'd have to do all the cooking and cleaning.  I feel like I've got a pretty raw deal and he's got completely the opposite.  AND he earns twice as much as I do :-/

You DO have a pretty raw deal and you're talking as if there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. There IS something you can do about it and you know exactly what it is.

Yours isn't relationship either. It's a master/slave situation. Please, I beg you, before this reaches the realms of domestic abuse (which it will, given time), dig deep, find your self-respect and then kick this parasite out of your life.

cactuschild

hotsnowflake78 said:

Are you claiming sole occupancy on council tax? I'm sure theres a rule that you cant do this if you've someone living with you more than half the week regardless of whether they're contributing or not. 

Nope - paying the full amount.  Wasn't aware of this actually until fairly recently, which was annoying as I've lived alone for long periods in the past :-/

cactuschild

Maat said:

It sounds to me as though he's taking advantage of you. I think we can discount the rent since you would have to pay that anyway. Wear and tear is hard to quantify. But some things will definitely be costing you more - Water (assuming you're on a meter), electricity and gas, and of course food. I think it's time this guy started paying his way. I can understand how unfair you feel it is that he should have such low cost accommodation while you're covering much of his consumption of food, fuel and water. Some things are unfair, however, and so redress has to be concerned solely with what he's actually costing you.

If you have old fuel and water bills it should be easy enough to calculate - based on single compared to double occupancy meter readings, but then calculated using current prices as that's what it's costing you now. A simpler alternative would be either half each for all these bills or, if he's there five days a week say, then you'd halve the week's usage and charge him five sevenths of that. The latter two suggestions would include food consumption as well, of course.

In a good relationship you should be able to discuss such things. If you think carefully about what you want from him so you can present it clearly and calmly hopefully all should be well. He might be surprised at first, not least perhaps from never having thought about it before. He may even be embarassed to think he's been battening on you for some time without it occurring to him to make suitable arrangements with you for his being there. It's easy to slip into a pattern of staying occasionally to staying almost the whole time, which I suspect is what's happened here. If he's a user he'll simply get angry to ensure you won't mention the matter again. If so, run!

Thanks Maat, that's good advice actually.  I think I'm going to sit down and try and do some calculations, so that I have something in writing/print to present to him, rather than having these constant verbal disagreements. He feels like I'm always asking for money; I feel like he doesn't pay his way - so having something physical to show him would be good (I hope!)

cactuschild

meknowalot-51 said:

cactuschild said:

I'm in a similar situation - my boyfriend owns a place but rents it out. He's paid off his mortgage on his place, so he only pays for council tax and water rates.  He stays at mine all the time yet refuses to pay any rent to me or contribute to anything other than the grocery shopping bill.  I cook all the meals, do all the cleaning and pay for everything (rent, bills, water, internet, TV) on a wage that's not much above the minimum threshold.  If I challenge him, we always have a massive fight and he threatens to move back to his (he always keeps a room there 'just in case').  Ok, I get that he wouldn't be paying rent at his (due to having paid off his mortgage) but if he lived there, he'd still be paying for everything else AND he'd have to do all the cooking and cleaning.  I feel like I've got a pretty raw deal and he's got completely the opposite.  AND he earns twice as much as I do :-/

This ones a bit easier,you can remain the doormat or have another massive fight and make sure your holding open the door for him.Remain as you are and your always going to be used..........he will call you in a week or two then you can have a proper discusion,your only here once.

This is exactly what my friends keep telling me to do!  

cactuschild

sue.b_2 said:

Do you ever stay at his house? If so offer to do the food shopping occasionally and see what his response is. He may not have realised how you feel. I do think your relationship is ending if you need to ask this question here rather than raise it with him.

No - primarily because he shares with his three tenants (and my student days/days of house sharing are far behind me!!) and secondly because he only has a single mattress on the floor and a sleeping bag.  My double bed is much more comfy!