Money Moral Dilemma: Should I charge my partner rent?

CapeTown

My partner stays with me at the weekend. When we first got together I earned so much more than him so I was happy to cover all the costs including food. He now earns nearly twice what I earn but this doesn't seem to have translated into any financial assistance.  So guess what... He is toast soon.To the OP. If he is contributing to the food bills just take that. Money issues become toxic if you let them fester. If he is giving you nothing then you need to tell him to take a hike

Bjstanbridge

Whilst you mention charging rent, it also depends in my opinion as to whether you yourself are renting or have a mortgage on your property. If you have a mortgage then you do need to be very careful as an acrimonious future split could mean a claim by them as having contributing to the property.

So think carefully how you want to do it, if you do ask them to make some contribution record somewhere the amount and what it is for and make it clear it is not a contribution to any mortgage. I know it seems heartless but I have seen many instances where people have had to buy their partner out or even had to sell their own home. 

astroL

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I'm in a long-term relationship, and though we don't live together he stays at my house more than half of each week. He has his own place provided through work, so pays minimal rent and household bills. As he stays at mine most of the time, should I charge him for rent and bills?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

  If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

  Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

If you are in a long-term relationship how come you have to post such a query here?   Surely you can discuss this with your partner?

astroL

If you are in a long-term relationship how come you have to post such a query here?   Surely you can discuss this with your partner?

Lawrence H

[Deleted User]

I don't mean to be harsh but, do you want a relationship or a tenant?

By all means, ask for a contribution to groceries and utilities, but unless your partner staying at your place has somehow caused your own rent (or mortgage) payments to rise, expecting him to pay rent before you officially move in together is preposterous.

Without being presented further details of your arrangement, it is fair to assume that your partner stays there, in preference to you both staying at his place, because either commuting, local amenities, or the property itself, are somehow mutually favourable or advantageous. This should be considered a boon to the relationship, not an opportunity for exploitation.

However, if he indeed, in some manner, costs you a significant amount of money, without providing something of equal value in return, then of course, you are well within your rights to demand recompense. And if he refuses, you may seek a replacement.

mralowe

CapeTown said:

My partner stays with me at the weekend. When we first got together I earned so much more than him so I was happy to cover all the costs including food. He now earns nearly twice what I earn but this doesn't seem to have translated into any financial assistance.  So guess what... He is toast soon.To the OP. If he is contributing to the food bills just take that. Money issues become toxic if you let them fester. If he is giving you nothing then you need to tell him to take a hike

Or maybe act in a more positive, optimistic way and calmly raise the issues in a civilised discussion? If this is the only problem in your relationship, you should think yourself lucky...

We all need to remember that any partner is likely to have had different experiences growing up and may have a different view of what is 'normal'. Some people have never properly thought about shared finances. It doesn't mean that they are a 'bad' person, or that they can't change.

Your rent is the same as if you were living alone. Other additional costs (apart from food and drink) are unlikely to be more than 2 or 3 pounds per week - how much does the electric and water for 3 or 4 showers cost?
It would be considerate and in the spirit of a caring relationship for them to buy some groceries, take aways etc. as other posters have suggested. If I were in their position, I would pay for more than half of these, plus some meals and drinks out.

NowVillager

The bit that jumps out at me is 'long term relationship'. I wonder if this might be about feeling a bit stuck, perhaps wanting more of a commitment or living together full time? Relationships evolve and grow so, if you haven't done it already, could be time for a chat about where it's going and what both of you need now, which might of course be different from when you got together if that was a while ago. Good luck.

cactuschild

I'm in a similar situation - my boyfriend owns a place but rents it out. He's paid off his mortgage on his place, so he only pays for council tax and water rates.  He stays at mine all the time yet refuses to pay any rent to me or contribute to anything other than the grocery shopping bill.  I cook all the meals, do all the cleaning and pay for everything (rent, bills, water, internet, TV) on a wage that's not much above the minimum threshold.  If I challenge him, we always have a massive fight and he threatens to move back to his (he always keeps a room there 'just in case').  Ok, I get that he wouldn't be paying rent at his (due to having paid off his mortgage) but if he lived there, he'd still be paying for everything else AND he'd have to do all the cooking and cleaning.  I feel like I've got a pretty raw deal and he's got completely the opposite.  AND he earns twice as much as I do :-/

meknowalot-51

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I'm in a long-term relationship, and though we don't live together he stays at my house more than half of each week. He has his own place provided through work, so pays minimal rent and household bills. As he stays at mine most of the time, should I charge him for rent and bills?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

  If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

  Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

Do you see this "long term relationship" progressing to marriage or is it just conveniant for you both?You both need to talk,i think if you ask him for payment of rent plus bills you will both realise where your both heading.

Mojisola

cactuschild said:

I'm in a similar situation - my boyfriend owns a place but rents it out. He's paid off his mortgage on his place, so he only pays for council tax and water rates.  He stays at mine all the time yet refuses to pay any rent to me or contribute to anything other than the grocery shopping bill.  I cook all the meals, do all the cleaning and pay for everything (rent, bills, water, internet, TV) on a wage that's not much above the minimum threshold.  If I challenge him, we always have a massive fight and he threatens to move back to his (he always keeps a room there 'just in case').  Ok, I get that he wouldn't be paying rent at his (due to having paid off his mortgage) but if he lived there, he'd still be paying for everything else AND he'd have to do all the cooking and cleaning.  I feel like I've got a pretty raw deal and he's got completely the opposite.  AND he earns twice as much as I do :-/

So let him.