(Short version) should I leave my 2 friends?

calleyw

sim2335 said:

calleyw said:

gozaimasu said:

calleyw said:

People might like to read the OP's previous posts. 

Nope. This is one of the things I hate most about MSE. Trawling through any posters’ old posts and then using it against them.

Its not using against them. I am not ripping the OP apart. But the OP basically has issues with loads of people in his life and that is worrying and they keep asking the same sort of questions again and again. And not taking on board what advice they have been given previously.

I do believe the OP would better off talking to qualified people. Who can guide him through any issues he has. Rather than bunch of strangers.

I do listen, I already left one mate who scammed me out of money to gamble

Good on that one.  But there is a pattern in your relationships that is worrying.  And you are back asking for advice on a situation that is almost the same as that one and the one about the friend lying.  I wish you well and I hope you don't think that I am picking on you as I am not.  I am concerned that you seem to get so immersed in others lives.  That you are missing out on having fun in your own life.  Unless your friends are doing something illegal.  Stay friends but don't over think what they are doing.  UNLESS they are being abusive which friend no 1 seems to be doing.

You have all the power and you don't have to let people in to your life who hurt and abuse your good nature.  I wonder if some counselling might of use.  They will help you talk through your thoughts and feelings much better than we can ever do here. 

The last couple of years has shown us what life is about.  family and friends and people you can trust and rely on when it goes wrong. Life is too short for rubbish relationships be it friends/family/partners/spouses/child.

gozaimasu

Worth checking out your local Mind. Low earners/unemployed pay very little or nothing at all for counselling. Counsellors can’t give you advice though - they do the same as randoms on Internet forums. Someone to talk to once a week who might help you think about things differently.

AskAsk

sim2335 said:

@AskAsk I will swear back now.
what if these people swear in speech when there annoyed and not at me.
about the clothes he says it impacts every area of your life massively and when we get rejected from a nightclub he always blames my clothes(their not bad)

2nd friend, for example he thinks whatever you want to do with a girl marry sleep with her etc should tell her straight away I don’t agree, or for example I was gona tell me crush something about being beat up, he didn’t want me too.
When I try to move away or say I don’t agree that’s when he try’s to persuade me he’s right, until I agree.
if I still don’t back down, then he may start swearing in speech, try to act as if it was no big deal after trying to force his point of view on me. This only on things he thinks he’s certain on other stuff he’s fine.

I am male and so are my 2 friends.

when my husband swears in general speech (and unfortunately he has a habit of doing this when he is annoyed or angry) i would say "language Timothy", from that old comedy "Sorry" and this annoys him even more but at least it stops him swearing as he has been checked.  if people get checked everytime they say something, it will have a subconscious effect on them everytime they say it.

i have only ever been inside a nightclub once in my life and that was a works do, where we were all in suits, which was a bit ridiculous to be honest.  as far as i am aware, as long as you don't look like you're homeless or wear trainers, you are allowed into a nightclub?  the next time you get chucked out and he blames you, ask the guy at the club that chucks you out if it is your clothes that has caused this action as your friend always blame your clothes in these circumstances so you would like to check if this is the case so you can make sure you wear the correct dress code next time.  this will then show him if he is wrong, or you if he is right.

friend 2 - you don't have to think the way he does and you don't have to challenge his thinking.  if he doesn't agree with your thinking, then say this is a free country and everyone is entitled to their opinion and can make their own choices.  he is your friend, not your dictator.  if you need a dictator, you will move to china.

i think because you are soft they are trying to force their opinion on you.  they may actually think it is in your best interest to listen to them as they think you can't think for yourself and that any decisions you make are wrong.  you need to stand up for yourself and answer back.

you may have to learn to fight in order to stop people pushing you over as you sound too soft.  you need to learn to toughen up or lose these friends as they may be company for you, but they are not good company. 

if you find yourself on your own and can not make new friends then maybe look for a girlfriend?

Pollycat

gozaimasu said:

calleyw said:

People might like to read the OP's previous posts. 

Nope. This is one of the things I hate most about MSE. Trawling through any posters’ old posts and then using it against them.

Sometimes, previous threads are relevant.

I posted this advice on the OP's earlier thread about the 'friend' who was lying about his job - and here we are 3 months later.
My advice is still relevant.

Pollycat said:

sim2335 said:

The guy is unemployed all his life and has a driving license but stopped driving, and he tells me I’ve lost in life because I don’t give myself importantce.

He did give me lots of good advice, but no need for things like that, and I want you to rember this etc

Then after his 40 minute chat, he then moves on to normal stuff like games etc

I don’t mention how it’s important for him to get a job, how much money his losing, he’s not rich enough not to work, or his wasting his license without a car, how sisters are getting ahead in life and his in same postion.

Sim2335
I really don't think that continually posting things that he says or does that annoys you is helping.

You either:

1. put up with his ways because he's a good friend despite his shortcomings
2. tell him that some of the things he says annoys you and hope he'll take it on board and change
3. cut him out of your life

elsien

sim2335 said:

That’s what I’m gona do cut them for a month, and just say I’m busy to meet?
what if they call though say I’m busy too?

im Moving out next year friend one has had 10-12 girlfriends he’s most chinse f girlfriends he’s Indian, he does street approaches he’s obbsed about it.

And you wonder why you’re not getting into nightclubs? Maybe his sex pest reputation precedes him, 

london21

Put yourself first.
If you are so unhappy around them then reduce contact.

pollypenny

Is this a new thread?  

elsien

A rehash of an older one asking pretty much the same question.