(Short version) should I leave my 2 friends?

sim2335

Admin: please delete other post as done short version.

Friend 1: negatives:swears at me when he thinks he needs too.

Try’s to tell me what to wear

Positives: has interesting story’s

Pick me up and take me places

Friend 2: negatives:when he’s certain about something won’t let me have a diffent opion, gets annoyed and defensive try to make me agree to his point of view

Lives of family. 

Positives: can give good advice

We connect,Other then this he’s normally cool.

If I leave I will be lonely and tried in past to make other mates and hobbies didn’t work.

AskAsk

may be not leave them but start to see less of them?  and stand up for yourself?  tell them off when you are not happy?

sim2335

AskAsk said:

may be not leave them but start to see less of them?  and stand up for yourself?  tell them off when you are not happy?

I do try to more now stand up for myself, but first friend, will win as he’s better at arguing.

2nd friend will  will win as he’s more persistent  and better at arguing., and I don’t know why but I feel really uncomfortable telling him off, or even disagring when he’s certain about something, maybe because he will chnage his tone and defend himself, and try to make me chnage my opion.

I am trying to seek less of them.

getmore4less

Stop sharing your options with No.2, no discussion, no arguing.


If it involves making a decision about doing something together  just don't do it if you don't want to.

You don't have to justify why.

I have an acquaintance that is well into conspiracy theories talks blxs just ignored now.

Larger groups tend to help with balance look to be hanging out with others when around these 2.

74jax

You have asked this questions before. Your friends belittle you, irritate you and lie to you, they cause arguments and you to be upset.

We have all said on your other threads to let them be, don't make a big thing of it, just move on. No need for drama. 

AskAsk

sim2335 said:

AskAsk said:

may be not leave them but start to see less of them?  and stand up for yourself?  tell them off when you are not happy?

I do try to more now stand up for myself, but first friend, will win as he’s better at arguing.

2nd friend will  will win as he’s more persistent  and better at arguing., and I don’t know why but I feel really uncomfortable telling him off, or even disagring when he’s certain about something, maybe because he will chnage his tone and defend himself, and try to make me chnage my opion.

I am trying to seek less of them.

swear back at friend 1 whenever he does and tell him to stop doing so.

if he tells you what to wear, say that you prefer to make your own choice and i would start to tell him what to wear, except i would choose really bad clothes on purpose, and if he says that is a terrible choice, then say that is how you feel every time he tells you what to wear, so let's call it quits and each make up their own mind, and if either of you look stupid, at least you can't blame the other for the decision.

tell the second friend you will have to "agree to disagree" or just ignore his arguments and leave it.  you don't have to participate in the argument.  what sort of arguments are you talking about where he won't let you have an opinion?

are you male or female?  what you describe sounds like the sort of thing a man would do if he was a bad bloke and had a female friend.

sim2335

@AskAsk I will swear back now.
what if these people swear in speech when there annoyed and not at me.
about the clothes he says it impacts every area of your life massively and when we get rejected from a nightclub he always blames my clothes(their not bad)

2nd friend, for example he thinks whatever you want to do with a girl marry sleep with her etc should tell her straight away I don’t agree, or for example I was gona tell me crush something about being beat up, he didn’t want me too.
When I try to move away or say I don’t agree that’s when he try’s to persuade me he’s right, until I agree.
if I still don’t back down, then he may start swearing in speech, try to act as if it was no big deal after trying to force his point of view on me. This only on things he thinks he’s certain on other stuff he’s fine.

I am male and so are my 2 friends.

MalMonroe

The idea of having friends is that you have people with whom you have a lot in common. You are supposed to enjoy seeing them and spending time with them, feeling good about having them as friends and knowing that you can rely on them should you ever be in trouble. 

If a friend swore at me and was negative about me, that would be the end of our friendship.

It is entirely up to you as to what kind of behaviour you will accept from other people. People who treat you like a doormat will continue to do so as long as you accept that treatment. The fact that they may occasionally be nice and take you places is totally immaterial. They don't respect you and they don't think of you as a good friend.

I'd rather be without friends if I only had those two.

You can make friends online. My niece has done so. She suffers from a disabling illness which means she can't go out and about to make friends so she did google searches to find groups online who were interested in the same things as her. She now speaks to them via Skype or googlechat and she has built up quite a good circle of friends. It takes a little while but it's worth it. She knows that her friends, even though they are internet friends, are supportive of her as she is of them. 

In this day and age it's far easier to make friends than it was in the past. We have technology. Use it to get yourself some decent friends. 

If you have to ask strangers in an online forum whether your friends are worth your time, then the answer is NO.

I also remember you asking this question before - and cannot believe that you're still hanging around with those awful people. They are NOT your friends. There's no need to 'swear back' at anyone. Just stop seeing them. There's no respect there.

thorsoak

OP - how old are you?   Do you still live at home with family?   Are you still in education?

getmore4less

sim2335 said:

@AskAsk I will swear back now.
what if these people swear in speech when there annoyed and not at me.
about the clothes he says it impacts every area of your life massively and when we get rejected from a nightclub he always blames my clothes(their not bad)

2nd friend, for example he thinks whatever you want to do with a girl marry sleep with her etc should tell her straight away I don’t agree, or for example I was gona tell me crush something about being beat up, he didn’t want me too.
When I try to move away or say I don’t agree that’s when he try’s to persuade me he’s right, until I agree.
if I still don’t back down, then he may start swearing in speech, try to act as if it was no big deal after trying to force his point of view on me. This only on things he thinks he’s certain on other stuff he’s fine.

I am male and so are my 2 friends.

Stop turning up together then you will know who is the problem.

Why are you telling No.2 what you plan to tell some crush?

sim2335

34, in full time work, and yes live at home with parents.

yes we have things in common, with my friends but I think it comes down to both of them don’t respect me.
first mate will almost always say something which will ruin the day, like smile when you ask that person question I idiot etc or tell me off
2nd mate loads of times had no
problmes with him, but loads of times I have when he tells me off, for something because he has a diffent opion etc