My ex partner is refusing to leave my house i solely own

T.T.D

Pixie5740 said:

Lookingforanswers101 said:

GOOD afternoon all, thank you so much for your feedback. Some frightening and some useful. I am sorry for the lack of response as I thought I would have Notifications.

I dont think I was clear in my first post about certain aspects.

1: I am NOT asking my child to leave, I can work from home with flexi-hours so can easily look after him. I also have a big family support network and he has always lived with us both sharing parental responsibility.
I WOULD NEVER SEE MY SON HOMELESS and have effectively made myself homeless for 4 months and counting and paying every single bill so my ex can find something suitable so our child can spend equal times in both homes.

2: The 4k being claimed was supposed to be towards rent but was always paid back more due to poor spending habits and use of my credit card etc. Some was supposed to be towards savings but again was always taken back the following month so resulted in -figures. I was not trying to claim anything against her and still not.

I have also been falsely accused of being a drug addict and have made no false claims but I find it interesting that some people/a person thinks my son is not my main concern.

Thank you 

1) Contact Shelter for advice on your housing situation. You will get more sensible advice from them than the harridans on this thread claiming you’ve lost your property. 

2) Attempt mediation with your ex. Even if she doesn’t agree to it or it doesn’t help at least you will have shown willing. 

3) (I’m assuming you are male) contact one of the domestic abuse organisations like Men Kind. Abuse doesn’t have to physical it also includes emotional and psychological, coercive control and isolating people. 

Why do you see fit to insult all these people who is opposed to your view that are trying to offer help including myself? Healthy debate is fine, people are allowed to share oppositional views and debate them, sometimes it’s best agree to disagree in the end when there’s a stalemate on a subject, but insults isn’t fair and doesn’t help anyone. 

No one said he has lost his property, or should accept that he has lost his property, people have said he must be careful on how he reacquires the property without causing upheaval to his child and himself. 

I would suggest he calls his local Inn of Court (law chambers commonly known as) and seek a free 30 minute consultation with a family law barrister.

 

justwhat

Pixie5740 said:

 

1) Contact Shelter for advice on your housing situation. You will get more sensible advice from them than the harridans on this thread claiming you’ve lost your property. 

2) Attempt mediation with your ex. Even if she doesn’t agree to it or it doesn’t help at least you will have shown willing. 

3) (I’m assuming you are male) contact one of the domestic abuse organisations like Men Kind. Abuse doesn’t have to physical it also includes emotional and psychological, coercive control and isolating people. 

Seriously 
1. he has already lost his property. he does not have it and the person in it is using it as there own.  How when and if he can regain possession is another matter.
2. you mean 'compromise with your ex because she is female with a child and can draw this out."

Best to see a solicitor and play hard ball , its not a fair or balanced playing field. 
 

Lookingforanswers101

Good evening. 

I thought I would follow up on my original message in case anyone goes through the same as me and finds it useful as well as give some insight the the varying opinions on the thread.

After 7 months of being uncomfortable and feeling at risk in my own home I got a notice to quit my property ordered and served to my ex who refused to leave my property. As it turns out she had not even been bidding on council properties as she said she had so this would have continued forever if I hadn't done this.

The council are helping her find somewhere to live now as she has 28 days notice to leave. She could challenge it in court which could cost us around £30,000 each in court fees but has not responded so has seen some sense in moving on.

Because I was staying away on people's sofas as much as I could because of fear of her actions I did not give up any rights to my home as suggested. She contributed nothing to the home and I solely owned it whilst she was not named on anything.

My advice to anyone in my situation (when you first split up)  would be to get an agreed date they will move out and inform your local council ASAP and speak with estate agents regarding the housing. I would also say to agree that if they are not gone, on the agreed date then you will have to get a notice to quit/eviction order served. This is just my opinion in hindsight and hope it helps someone else.

TBagpuss

justwhat said:

i would like to bet any court action would side with the mum. If you change the locks and forcibly get her out, the police will be called and they will side with the mum and child.

The law and the system is geared in favour of the mum. You need to get a good solicitor and play hard ball.

Why should the mum and child move out they have no need or probably any desire. And they will stiff you for maintenance  and keep your house for as long as they can. Negotiating or mediation is a 2 way street.

Good luck cant see there being a fair or just outcome unless you ex partner decides to be reasonable.

No, the law is gender neutral. 

The system is however designed to give some protections to the weaker and more vulnerable,. It is much more common for women to the the primary carer of children which means that it's very common for a woman to be the weaker financial partner.

It is also more common for women to be the victims of domestic abuse, although of course 'more common' is not the same as 'always' 

OP, I would not recommend changing the locks - at least unless you have previously given her reasonable notice that she is required to leave, made reasonable proposals to assist her to do so etc. This both creates a paper trail so that, if for instance, she later calls the police, you can show that she was given notice, was aware of the date she needed to vacate the property and that she had not legal right to remain, and has chosen to ignore that) 

I would suggest that you talk to a solicitor and consider making some form of reasonable offer. Would you be in a position to raise a lump sum to allow her to pay a deposit and 6 months rent up front to move to rented accommodation, for example? 

If you wished, you could apply for an order for your child to live primarily with you and have contact with her - particularly if you have concerns about her seeking to restrict or prevent his relationship with you.

You could give formal written notice to her of your intention to return to the property, making clear that you require her to leave and are willing to assist her in doing so .

If she is making false allegations about you and /or threatening to accuse you of abuse then this may amount to harassment,. You might want to consider formally reporting this to the police as harassment, and getting advice about applying for a non-molestation order 

Shelldean

Lookingforanswers101

Thanks for updating like you say hopefully will help others