My ex partner is refusing to leave my house i solely own

Good afternoon all.

I wonder if you can help me?

I split up with my ex partner at the beginning of August who is a foreign national here in the UK  during our break up she told my 2 year old son to not cry a d get used to not seeing me so I took court action to get a no fly order which I did successfully.
Since then it has become very messy and I have been sleeping on my parents sofa for nearly 4 months to give her time to move out.

I said I would need to move back into my home and she threatened me with an occupation and non molestation order and has even admitted in writing since that she is not scared/threatened by me just not comfortable with me being in my own home and not in my sons best interests which is not true.

I am currently going through court for child visitation etc so I can see my son regularly and not only on her terms or when she says as we have equal responsibility.

I am concerned about me getting her to leave will affect my case negatively and not even sure how to do this.
I have taken legal advice and nearly £4,000 later am non the wiser and the service has been shocking.

To add to this my ex partner of 5 years has now said i owe her £20,000 as this is what she had sent me over this period prior to splitting up. She has forgot to mention that I have paid every single bill and my mortgage and she has has back more than what she sent me over the years. My total household costs over this period is around £80,000.
She has even used my credit cards etc and only ever paid some of it back and is threatening a no win no fee court case but again I am not sure where I stand but I feel if anything she owes me.

I apologise for such a wordy summary but need any help I can get as its driving be crazy.

Kind regards


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Comments

  • MalMonroe
    MalMonroe Posts: 5,783 Forumite
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    If you are currently going through court, don't you already have a solicitor who can help you with this matter, too? Or is that the one who has provided a shocking service?

    If you have moved out of your house and left your partner in situ with your son, it's going to be very difficult to get her to move because the law will be on her side as she has a small child. Also where will she live if she does move out? Does she have parents in the UK to turn to?  

    What you say here : "to add to this my ex partner of 5 years has now said i owe her £20,000 as this is what she had sent me over this period prior to splitting up. She has forgot to mention that I have paid every single bill and my mortgage and she has has back more than what she sent me over the years. My total household costs over this period is around £80,000.
    She has even used my credit cards etc and only ever paid some of it back and is threatening a no win no fee court case but again I am not sure where I stand but I feel if anything she owes me." is of no relevance. Your ex owes you nothing.

    You were living as a family for at least five years and anything either of you has spent has surely been for the good of your family, particularly your son. You MUST think about him. His welfare and mental health must come first. Think about what will it do to him to be thrown out of 'your' home. You have fallen out with his mother, not him. You're unlikely to be given any amount of custody until you can stop feeling/being vindictive towards your ex. And as your son grows, he'll not want to hear tales of how his own dad tried to evict his mother and him just because he wanted to 'live in his own home'. 

    I know it's difficult to think straight in this kind of situation because a similar thing happened to me, except I was the woman with the child. It's certainly not pleasant but if you can try to communicate without anger or spite, you'll get more out of any negotiations. The more willing you are to make efforts to compromise, the better it will be. But any court will always put the needs of the child first. And as your son is so young, I don't really think you're going to get what you want. He needs his mum and a roof over his head for a start and he has that now. Please don't make him suffer because you feel wronged.

    Why not see if Citizens Advice can help? https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/  
    Please note - taken from the Forum Rules and amended for my own personal use (with thanks) : It is up to you to investigate, check, double-check and check yet again before you make any decisions or take any action based on any information you glean from any of my posts. Although I do carry out careful research before posting and never intend to mislead or supply out-of-date or incorrect information, please do not rely 100% on what you are reading. Verify everything in order to protect yourself as you are responsible for any action you consequently take.
  • AskAsk
    AskAsk Posts: 2,446 Forumite
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    are you married?  you better get used to your mum's sofa as the courts will not kick her out with a small child as they need somewhere to live more than you do as you don't have custody and the courts is unlikely to give custody to the dad in a spit.

    may sound harsh but you need to start thinking this is not going to get any better i am afraid.  when there is young children involved, the man will be at the wrong end and will end up the loser in the split even if he had paid for everything.
  • anotheruser
    anotheruser Posts: 3,485 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post I've been Money Tipped!
    If it's your house, in your name, sell.
  • london21
    london21 Posts: 2,096 Forumite
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    This is sad but hope things work out for you.
    Get's messy when things get to this stage.
    Hopefully things are sorted fairly.
    You will need to think and plan things through and strategise on the best way forward.
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,199 Forumite
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    You need to speak to a solicitor and get proper advice. If you are not happy with the service from your current solicitor, find a different one. 
    Fo however think about if the service is bad or if they are giving you advice that you don't want to hear (or both!) 

    It may be that the first stage is to send a forma letter explicitly requiring her to leave the property and giving her a set date to do so, allowing reasonable notice .

    While not required to do so, it may well be sensible on a practical level to think about making an offer to pay a sum equal to a deposit and first month's rent - if she has been caring for a child she may struggle to get rented accommodation and so offering to help may enable her to move out.

    Consider logging with the police, as harassment, her threats to accuse you of abuse and the written confirmation that she is not in fact afraid of you so it is on record.

    She has no automatic right to remain in the house just because there is a child. There are applications which can be made for financial; support for a child under the Children Act but they are designed to ensure that children of unmarried parents are not worse off than those of married parents, not to put them in a better position. - in neither case is it likely to be reasonable for her to remain there indefinitely, especially if she is unable to take on the mortgage or pay your for your interest in the house. 

    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • Sell the house, simple.
  • izawa
    izawa Posts: 156 Forumite
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    If it's your house, in your name, sell.
    Do this! 
    I am relationship expert. Don't feel shy, say hello.
  • TripleH
    TripleH Posts: 3,018 Forumite
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    Selling the house makes the most sense BUT if that is the route you go down, you need it to be empty first.
    It's not fair on any buyers to find themselves dragged into someone else's relationship breakdown.
    Counselling or mediation, where an agreed forward plan sounds the best starting point. Both sides need to be honest about compromise on this, whilst you are not married  the welfare of a child is involved.
    May you find your sister soon Helli.
    Sleep well.
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