Missy’s Surviving the storm so we can dance in the rain.

Elisheba

Hi Missy,
Good to see you back on here.  I've been away for a couple of month as well, but getting back on the wagon again.  Your health sounds like a concern.  I know you think its a combo of SAD and peri-hormones, and it may well be, but it might be a thought to speak to the doctor about medication?  It has really helped me.
Hope half term went well  

missymoo81

Hey you wonderful bunch of people, thank you so much for the messages @slm6002 and @Elisheba. I’m sorry I’ve been away, I’ll be honest I had a bit of a mini break down. Spent lots of money on stuff to make myself feel better and spent a weekend shouting and crying at and with OH. Got to the bottom of everything. I’ve just been pushing myself too hard to try and save money and not looking after myself as I’m too busy rushing around looking after everyone else. 

So have taken steps last week to help myself, have written a weekly plan including when I’m working when I can train and all the food I need for fuel rather than just whatever I can grab and is the cheapest. I feel so much better this week. Although adhoc job is starting up again which is great ans I can really do with the money as I’m not making ends meet at the moment as I am but childcare is a huge issue, I need someone to look after the children before school and no one seems to be able to help, I’ve just joined a childcare website and put an ad up but as yet there isn’t anyone 🤷🏻‍♀️. I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m not friends with any of the other mums and the school doesn’t offer a before school club. I need to sort it though and it’s really stressing me out. Also the work life balance I managed to create last week will go out of the window but we need the money and the work is so sparodic I can’t say no.

dawnybabes

Can’t anyone at your DH gym look after them for you ? Have you posted on local FB - one of my friends teens did before school for a nurse when she was on mornings 

slm6002

I know the school don't have any breakfast clubs but have you asked them if they know of any child minders that already do the school run with other children from your school

Elisheba

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling, Missy.  the problem is that it is an ongoing situation while the businesses aren't makeing enough to make ends meet.  I well remember the stress when my parent's business started going downhill.  It's impossible to plan for the future, and things like over paying mortgages are pipe dreams.  

I hope some of the rows have ended up as being productive and you and you OH are on the same page going forward about what is needed in terms of belt tightening, and how you cannot possibly do everything.  Sending huge hugs. 

RelievedSheff

Big hugs Missy.

Hope you manage to get your work situation sorted in one way or another.

MsPennyMinder

Best wishes @missymoo81 and hope you are feeling better soon

missymoo81

Hey! Sorry for not updating sooner, I’m not going to lie, the stress of trying to find childcare so that I can start back at adhoc job has been unbelievable. You wouldn’t think early childcare would be such a strange request! I joined 5 different websites, I messaged over 30 people, put up posts etc. all to no avail. Than by pure luck snd desperation. I messaged someone who is local but on their website said they weren’t available on the days I needed. And they can help!!!!!! I am so relieved, feel like a weight has been lifted. It’s going to cost quite a lot mind you, but I guess sometimes that’s just the way it works!

I’m trying to get a hold of my budget and finances, being inspired by all of your amazing diaries on here. 

Things that are helping:

I’m trying to do online food shopping. My shopping has crept up due to diet changes and training more but nipping to the coop is costing a fortune. I’m pre planning most meals and we’re eating out far less. 

I watched Jamie’s one pound wonders and actually really liked his ideas. We were going to go out for a roast today, but we absolutely can’t afford it for all four of us. You’re talking about £80+ so I’m going to make Jamie’s meat loaf with mash and sponge puddings for afters. 

One thing I’m struggling with is the washing. Now as most of you know, we train in the gym a lot. Now I’ve been trying to fill the washing machine quite full and wash at 20degrees but things are still coming out smelling sweaty. I tried them at 40degrees and still the same. Now this is a lot of our clothes, most of our clothes are gym wear 🙄. Any ideas? Should I put them on a hot wash? Soak everything in something? I might ask on the old style board. 

Today I promised to take my two out for pancakes, it only costs £12 for 3 of us. OH will still be asleep, then I’m taking back some (granny looking) pyjamas I bought from PrimRk and will spend the money on summer clothes for May. As they have so much in stock right now and she has barely anything. 

I was wondering whether to get a timer switch to switch on the slow cooker whilst we’re out working. We work 11 hour days at adhoc job, but not sure. 

God I’m tired, the only morning I’m able to have a lie in and the children were just generally noisy! 5 hours sleep for me 😔. I must have a nap later after shopping. 

missymoo81

Longer and short term money goals.

I would love to pay off the mortgage by the time I’m 55, if not sooner. I’m 41 and other half is 2 years older. We didn’t buy until late in life, so we still have 21 years to run and it’s a whopping £1250 a month. We set it this high as that was the amount we were paying in rent for 3 years before and we managed…..

Ad hoc job pays well, and I want to try and save as much of this as possible and try not to use it for every day living where I can help it. We do love a biggish holiday a year as we work such long hours etc that we really look forward to it. I know it’s not the best way to pay off a mortgage but I really feel we need to live too. My mum has got cancer and is going through chemo and it makes you realise just how fragile and short life can be.

Car wise, mine is now 10 years old. It has a few intermittent faults that we keep trying to keep at bay. We also have a big van truck thing for work, which we don’t really need to have such a big one now but it’s all tied up with work money so is hard to sell as we’d have to pay pack taxes etc. OH has a loan on this which I think is up August 25. So we’re trying to make my car last until the loan is up, then we will be in a better position to get rid of both cars and buy two newer more economical cars (although think I need to bring down OH’s expectations on this as I know he’s eyeing up completely unsuitable midlife crisis, reliving his youth sorts of cars 😁🤦🏻‍♀️).

I’ve been wondering if I need to speak to a financial advisor about money. In the sense, I don’t know what to do for the best with savings, starting pensions, mortgage payments etc. we have 2 years left on our fixed rate mortgage right now. I don’t know where to put money to be best in the long term.

I went for a job last year but didn’t get through but they are very likely to have me at the end of the year. Now it’s a steady council job. I’d get a pension, but it doesn’t pay amazingly. It pays ok. But my freedom would be gone….as being self employed I can work more or less when I choose. And it’s days and nights and I’ve struggled as it is with childcare….. I really need to have a think…. But I’m not sure adhoc job will be there next year….

House wise we need to do little bits and pieces, but we’ve got a lot of the stuff. It’s only 8-9 years old. Very much looking forward to the summer as we have a nice little garden and spend most of our time out there!

Right I have half an hour before I need to get ready, so I shall do some budgets and have a little catch up on diaries. 

jwil

I think a visit to a financial advisor would be beneficial for you both.  Do you have much in the way of pensions?  If not, you are probably better off making sure you have adequate provision for that rather than overpaying the mortgage.  

I get what you are saying about the flexibility of self employment, but that also comes with a huge amount of stress and a varying income.  A council job will give you both a steady income and assuming you join the LGPS, then you will have a guaranteed pension income for life, even if it's only small.

Seeing someone who can look at the whole picture and be impartial will probably be a hugely valuable investment.