Divorce agreement

LeeHarry

Keep_pedalling said:

How old are you, and how does your pension stack up with hers? 

If you are quite young with many years to build up your pension then losing 1/2 of what you have currently built up might not be too big a hit on your final pension.

Not as simple as that of cause, if a court makes the the financial split they will take all the matrimonial assets into account, so if you each have pensions of equal value they are unlikely to split them. Future inheritances will never be taken into account. 

I'm 44. My pension isn't massive but hers is pittance in comparison. If it comes to it then half of my pension will be less than half of the equity in the house.

She called last night, seems she's done a complete Boris Johnson style u-turn. As things stand, she can afford to take on the mortgage herself and remove me from it but won't be able to borrow enough to pay me some equity, I have agreed that she can have more than me. We will both speak to a financial advisor to see if there is anything we can do though, I'm happy to work with her so I get something towards a new start and she can remain in the family home with the children, that's really important to me.

She has granted me more time with the children, I haven't pushed for more until now because I know she struggles without them. I lost all compassion for her when she decided to date my work colleague and she understands that. 

While we still have issues to agree on, it appears we may be reaching an amicable agreement without the need for a court battle. 

CookieMonster

LeeHarry said:

It just feels like blackmail and she's gone back on her word. 

However, I have my children one night a week to sleep over, she is currently denying me any longer. 

The woman you divorce is not the same woman you married.
She has gone back on her word.
Expect more of this.

Use a good solicitor and get things settled - including getting the finances finalised and separeted completely- and then work on getting back to where you were financially.

ZaSa1418

LeeHarry said:

She has granted me more time with the children, I haven't pushed for more until now because I know she struggles without them. 

This is part of the deal when you seperate, she is going to have to get used to sharing time, she isn't more important just because she is the mum.
The children deserve to have both parents in their life and this should not come down to one parent granting the other parent more time - she doesn't outrank you so make sure she doesn't go back on this new arrangement too. 
It should be as close to 50/50 as possible

kimwp

I think it may help to consider that this is a situation that you are both adjusting to and learning about, therefore feelings and wishes will be changing as time passes and conversations take place. I appreciate that feelings might be running high, but you will all come out of this better if you approach this in the same way as a married couple should approach anything - facing the issues together, being considerate of each others needs and lots of listening and supporting.

Ms_Chocaholic

Call me cynical but could her parent(s) have died

LeeHarry

Bit of an apdate. She's filed for divorce as she previously stated and I received documents yesterday.

Bit I'm confused about is the financial order, she's ticked the box to say she wants to apply for one. Does this mean if I sign these papers she can then let the court decide? I'm happy with the agreement that we have verbally but she has a history of going back on her word and lying. I have 7 days from the date on the letter, so until Monday. 

LeeHarry

Ms_Chocaholic said:

Call me cynical but could her parent(s) have died

I highly doubt tht she'd keep that from our children, although she does seem to be in a rush all of a sudden...just don't know why. 

TBagpuss

LeeHarry said:

Bit of an apdate. She's filed for divorce as she previously stated and I received documents yesterday.

Bit I'm confused about is the financial order, she's ticked the box to say she wants to apply for one. Does this mean if I sign these papers she can then let the court decide? I'm happy with the agreement that we have verbally but she has a history of going back on her word and lying. I have 7 days from the date on the letter, so until Monday. 

No. It's normal to tick the box, it just ensures that she has standing to either apply to the court if things are not agreed, or to apply with an agreed order for the court to approve the order.

But either way it jut means that she CAN, not that she will. 

If you have agreed things then you would be wise to get the agreement drawn up as a formal order and get it approved by the court, as that means it is legally binding and enforceable and neither of you can change your minds later.

You would also have the right to make an application to the court for financial order of things are not agreed. 

Savvy_Sue

LeeHarry said:

Ms_Chocaholic said:

Call me cynical but could her parent(s) have died

I highly doubt tht she'd keep that from our children, although she does seem to be in a rush all of a sudden...just don't know why. 

Pregnant? Wanting to marry?

But does it matter? Just get it sorted while she's up for it, the boards have several ongoing threads where separation without divorce has led to a horrible mess.

Brie

One of my ex SiLs (I have a few....) told my brother that she expected a split of whatever he gets when our mom goes.  Not possible.  My mom even said that if it was legal she would disinherit him.  (well she'd give it to us and we'd come to an arrangement of some sort....)  The only lingering worry is that if Bro dies before mom then potentially his children could inherit and she get her hands on it that way.