Money Moral Dilemma: Should we split bills equally if my husband has higher outgoings?

74jax

I'm from the different-account camp. My husband and I have different incomes, each put in our own account, and a % goes to the bills account where every bill comes from. Maintenance I'd class as a household bill and have it from that account. 

Mojisola

74jax said:

I'm from the different-account camp. My husband and I have different incomes, each put in our own account, and a % goes to the bills account where every bill comes from. Maintenance I'd class as a household bill and have it from that account. 

When couples have this kind of arrangement, what happens if one partner has a long term health problem or gives up work to care for children or older relatives or has a spell of unemployment?

JGB1955

Mojisola said:

74jax said:

I'm from the different-account camp. My husband and I have different incomes, each put in our own account, and a % goes to the bills account where every bill comes from. Maintenance I'd class as a household bill and have it from that account. 

When couples have this kind of arrangement, what happens if one partner has a long term health problem or gives up work to care for children or older relatives or has a spell of unemployment?

Then you adjust the %'s paid into the bills account. When I was a SAHM I paid nothing into the bills account. When I started my second, part time, career I contributed 40%. When we were first married I paid 60%, as I was the higher earner then.  All seems fair to us.

Mojisola

JGB1955 said:

Mojisola said:

74jax said:

I'm from the different-account camp. My husband and I have different incomes, each put in our own account, and a % goes to the bills account where every bill comes from. Maintenance I'd class as a household bill and have it from that account. 

When couples have this kind of arrangement, what happens if one partner has a long term health problem or gives up work to care for children or older relatives or has a spell of unemployment?

Then you adjust the %'s paid into the bills account. When I was a SAHM I paid nothing into the bills account. When I started my second, part time, career I contributed 40%. When we were first married I paid 60%, as I was the higher earner then.  All seems fair to us.

So you paid nothing into the bills account and had no money for yourself?  Did you go without haircuts, new clothes, etc?

74jax

Mojisola said:

74jax said:

I'm from the different-account camp. My husband and I have different incomes, each put in our own account, and a % goes to the bills account where every bill comes from. Maintenance I'd class as a household bill and have it from that account. 

When couples have this kind of arrangement, what happens if one partner has a long term health problem or gives up work to care for children or older relatives or has a spell of unemployment?

That's is us at the minute. I stopped working last year, it doesn't change much for us (I appreciate not everyone is the same) but when I decided to stop working we just had a chat about it. And how the bills would be paid.  I wish mrjax would stop working but he loves it too much 🙄

For others I don't know how they do it, I guess it's just communication, but we also decide before the decision is made (ie we talked before I stopped working).

Doc_N

Can’t understand any of this. It’s a marriage. You pool all the income and pay all the expenses out of the pool. Nobody owns anything - it’s all jointly owned.

No fuss, no arguments, and probably a longer marriage.

74jax

Doc_N said:

Can’t understand any of this. It’s a marriage. You pool all the income and pay all the expenses out of the pool. Nobody owns anything - it’s all jointly owned.

No fuss, no arguments, and probably a longer marriage.

Depends on 'jointly owned'.  I'm not sure we officially  jointly own much. We do as a marriage (if we were to divorce say) but in day to day we just see it as joint but in reality we don't legally have a lot 'joint' other than our bills account.

Thrugelmir

DontBringBertie said:

After reading the initial question, I was looking forward to reading the outdated preachy views that you MUST share all money once married. I wasn’t disappointed.

Probably why so many marriages ultimately fail these days. A broader cultural attitude of what's mine is mine. Far easier to achieve goals as a partnership which can be beneficial. 

MovingForwards

I've never done a joint account, they don't interest me.

With my OH we looked at the outgoings. Rent was always 50/50, gas, electric, Netflix and internet OH paid, I paid CT which was higher than the other bills each month. We pay our own phones and shopping is done by both or one of us, takeaway is paid by the person who suggested it. The car repair bills, insurance etc I pay as it's me who needs one.

Each time I changed job, or he lost his, we would double check if the outgoings needed juggling eg I would pick up all the food / takeaway bills.

When I purchased somewhere I looked at all the gas, electric, CT, food and named a reasonable figure; the only things not coming out my account are Netflix, internet and his phone. He sends me money each and it's my decision where it goes eg bills, savings, extra on the mortgage or burn it. Even when on JSA he sent me money.

Now he's working again he has told me how much I will get from him each month, again it's up to me what I do with it he doesn't care. I tell him how much is left outstanding on the mortgage and how much is in the bank, occasionally he'll ask how long until the mortgage is cleared.

I am the highest earner and there isn't a great difference in take-home pay between NLW and mine.

It works for us because we discuss it and our lifestyle means we don't need two incomes.

Sea_Shell

I hope all those in favour of separate accounts all have power of attorneys in place!!  Especially if their incomes/savings are one sided.

Joint accounts do have a place within a marriage, along with ensuring that you both have access to funds in your own names should one of you become incapacitated.

Sole accounts are fine, as long as they are all counted in the round, as far as your future planning as a couple are concerned.

JMO