Money Moral Dilemma: Should I let my three kids decide when my other son can have his inheritance?

JayD

Mojisola said:

MSE_Kelvin said:

Currently, my estate is split equally between my four children, but one of them doesn't work, spends his time playing video games and doing stuff he shouldn't.

He stopped speaking to all of us 12 months ago saying no one supports him, even though he has a son who we all see and are involved with.

I don't want to punish him, but should I set up my will so my other three children can decide when the fourth can have his share? I don't want it going up in smoke.

You could put one quarter of your estate into trust for your grandson (and any other children your son might have) and make the other three children trustees so that the money could only be used for the grandson's benefit.

Sounds like an excellent idea to me.

Littledaler

You should not chicken out of making the decision yourself - leaving the decision to your other children isn't fair and will inevitably cause stress and upset, maybe worse.  I would normally say you should treat your children the same but in this case, your 4th son clearly has a problem in that he can't see things as they really are, saying he has no support when you have contact with his son - that's very immature.  I agree with previous contributors that setting his share in a trust for his son would be the best way forward, the fairest way.

juicyjackieb

I think it is a decision that you should make rather than asking your other children to do it as it will likely drive that wedge even further between them. 

Perhaps, if it's an option, offer to give him a share of his inheritance now for him to use towards counseling/therapy/training that will support him to get himself into a better situation. It's not uncommon for people with depression and mental health issues to "hide" in video games as they can control their environment a lot easier in a game than in real life. Chances are, he needs help. 

And... unpopular .... my OH has it stipulated that upon his passing it all goes to me if I am still alive. Once I pass it will all go to his son who is 14 at the moment. However, that will only happen when his mother has passed away. She financially and mentally abused my OH and knows that if she is alive she will spend the money. It sounds cruel but we want to secure his future, even if that means the money sits in trust until he is 40-50 years old. We would rather he get it then and get to keep it all than when he is in his 20/30's and not strong enough to refuse to lend her money that he will never get back. 

Personally, I would talk to him, offer him help with a percentage of his future inheritance and let him know you are worried and would like to support him, and let him lean on you while you are still with him to offer support. 

crmism

What you suggest is probably unenforceable, because your Black Sheep is likely to become entitled to his share the moment he reaches maturity which, by the sound of things, has already happened anyway. The only method by which your other children might dictate his share is by setting up a discretionary trust with them as joint trustees. They would then have the power to use his share for his benefit or withhold payment when needed, but they would also be responsible for the investment of his money in accordance with prevailing legislation. Employing a solicitor to advise or handle his share would be very expensive and uneconomic, though. One way out would be to get a DIY reference book on the subject of trusts and apply decisions accordingly.

miss-tified

You could put the question to all four of your kids and let them decide by majority vote. You don't say how old your kids are so maybe you could stipulate that the decision is made after they have all reached a certain age (when hopefully they will have a balanced perspective on how to vote). If their ages vary significantly you could also put 1/4 of your estate into a trust fund for your "errant" child, which could be administered/managed by say, a trusted friend, or someone else who would be able to make sensible decisions about how much is released/available to the child at any one time.