Dating post divorce ~ no 'umph'

AskAsk

Kim_kim said:

sevenhills said:

I recall a male friend giving up on the dating scene when he was forty-something. I am 59 and I don't want to give up on finding a partner.

I think that your gender and age are big factors, but its an individual choice.

I miss my recent GF, not sure where my life is heading. Life has not yet recovered back to normal yet, after lockdown. It will be a new 'normal'.

It’s certainly changed dating.  I haven’t got back on the dating scene, but if I did, how do you date & socially distance! 

apparently you both do the PCR test to show that you don't have covid 

sevenhills

Kim_kim said:

It’s certainly changed dating.  I haven’t got back on the dating scene, but if I did, how do you date & socially distance! 

Wear protection!

There is a dating site online and the rules are that you cannot send people direct messages.

There seems to be very little activity on the group. So how do people date?

Is plenty of fish active?

I was listening to radio four and it stated that 10% of relationships had an age gap of 10 years or more. I was surprised it was so many.

DrDorset

Forcing yourself to date is the worst. Don't bother with the apps. 

Make sure you socialise with your friends, focus on yourself, the right person will come along.

Alias_Omega

A bit of a big bump on this, met a few people through 2022. One has managed to stick around, started as friends, then something grew. A few had love language compatibility issues,  but I guess we see where this one goes.

As mentioned before, I found myself being quite happy single and alone, sometimes I do wish I was alone 😆

Exodi

Alias_Omega said:

A bit of a big bump on this, met a few people through 2022. One has managed to stick around, started as friends, then something grew. A few had love language compatibility issues,  but I guess we see where this one goes.

As mentioned before, I found myself being quite happy single and alone, sometimes I do wish I was alone 😆

The stats for men in online dating are pretty grim reading, so having plenty of people interested and going out on dates is no small feat. You likely have above average looks and/or personality, so that's great.

I'm translating "love language compatibility issues" as 'different libido' but I can understand why you'd potentially want to be vague on this!

If you feel you would be happier single, maybe it's worth staying single for a while (of course, if you carry on dating, letting them know you're not looking for a long term relationship).

It wouldn't be good to get a in relationship that makes you feel unhappier. I know lots of people that enjoyed staying single for a while - my best friend who got divorced from his 'high school sweetheart' last year spent pretty much year enjoying his new found freedom (though he has settled down now - with some absolutely wild stories to tell!).

Sapindus

You have to bear in mind that depending how long you were in a marriage or other relationship, you are in a very different place than when you first started out in life and dating.  Typically in your late teens early twenties maybe, you're thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone, you are still exploring tastes and interests, probably no kids yet and not quite ready to start thinking about having a family.  Fast forward to post-divorce, you've got into habits and routines, maybe got kids to work your life around, other people of similar age you might be dating may well have kids, having more kids may not be such a practical proposition, you're further on in your career, get tired more easily, etc etc.  It's no wonder the "dating scene" has less of a whirlwind appeal.

I'm  in my early fifties and been single for ten years and each time I dive into the online dating sites I get more and more disillusoned with it all.  I have a circle of older friends many of whom are single or finding a partner later in life after some years alone, and I'm not panicking.  It'll happen if/when it's meant to. 

Exodi

Sapindus said:

I'm  in my early fifties and been single for ten years and each time I dive into the online dating sites I get more and more disillusoned with it all.  I have a circle of older friends many of whom are single or finding a partner later in life after some years alone, and I'm not panicking.  It'll happen if/when it's meant to. 

While it's romantic to imagine that the love of your life will knock on your door and whisk you off your feet, the reality is if you're not making a conscious effort to meet someone, you will likely remain alone.

Which I'm not saying is nescessarily a problem for a lot of people, but for those who would prefer to like to meet someone, I wouldn't rely on fate alone, life is not a movie unfortunately and the world is becoming increasingly against people approaching strangers.

breaking_free

I suspect the OP's allusion to love languages was referencing this https://5lovelanguages.com/learn

In a nutshell, "different strokes for different folks". Some partners will be overwhelmed with gratitude if you wash their car or help out with some task while others will go, "Yeah, thanks, but what would really impress me is tickets to the big game". I don't respond to gifts but massively appreciate "acts of service" - doing something for me so that I don't need to do it myself. 

The guy that wrote the love languages book was really onto something.

Alias_Omega

Massive bump on this, dont really plan to revisit it.

We moved in together in May 2024. I gained 3x children, they gained my eldest 2 (nearly moved out). The youngest (aged 4) loves having extra big brother & sisters that he never had.

At times i struggle, especially when i have poor sleep or so-so created by the 4yr old. It wont be forever, at it can highlight some left over issues from ex-wife affair, i become unsecure when really really tired and recognise this. Eventually, it'll all be gone.

She asked about marriage, the kids joke about it but i said that i wasnt really looking into it or had it on my mind. I lost a 4-bed house and £30k in the divorce and only really just recovered. I would not be in a rush to get married and divorced again...i guess we shall see.

TLDR - Stick with it people, when you are ready you will meet someone. Not everyone you meet with be the "one", but instead a lesson on the journey; eventually you shall meet "the one"...or run out of time...but keep looking.

kimwp

Lovely news!