Dating post divorce ~ no 'umph'

Kim_kim

My second marriage (17 years long) broke up 10 years ago.  I met someone else by accident about 8 months after, which ended up being very serious (we lived together) for 2 years, then failed.  

I’ve spent the last 7 years alone.  I feel a bit of a failure at relationships.  

I miss having someone to go on holidays with, but other than that, I think I’ve got used to being alone.  My daughter would like me to meet someone & even my grandchildren (10 & 7) have joked about it.  I asked them do I need to find someone with a bag of werthers originals in his pocket, lol. 

trailingspouse

After 'being' with someone for 40 years (married for 20, then living with someone for 10, then married to him for 10) I've been on my own for nearly 3 years. Love it.

My question is - why do you feel you 'ought' to be dating? You don't have to be with someone. Invest time in yourself, do what you want to do, enjoy life in the here and now, and don't feel that you need to rely on someone else to bring you happiness.

Right now, I just couldn't be bothered with it. Will that change? Maybe - but I'd be surprised.

BellaLasagna2018

I spent 15 years alone. Nothing wrong with being alone, if you’re happy/not bothered about dating. Have been in a great relationship for over 6 years now. It was worth waiting. 

Mercenary

Happily divorced for 4 years now and I'm still utterly thrilled with the freedom to do what I want when I want to. Not even wanting to think about finding A N Other as I enjoy my own company. I can't be arsed with all the high maintenance work required to date (make-up, leg-shaving, uncomfortable clothes to look a bit better than usual etc) as well as trying to adapt to the likes and dislikes of someone else again. 
If my Prince suddenly appears one day, then that may change my mind    but I'm not looking.  I would say enjoy your opportunity to be yourself as much as you can.

WickedWitch123

Just repeating what others have said really.  There's no set time.  I've been happily single for 10 years now with the odd bump along the way.  Yes i'd like to meet someone but i'm putting no real effort in and just enjoying the single life.  I think if you force it you just end up settling for 2nd best.  Enjoy being you!

AskAsk

if you are happy by yourself then there isn't any worry about trying to meet anyone else.  entirely up to you as to whether you want to find someone else or not.  from what you say, you almost feel guilty that you enjoy being by yourself and think that you are doing something wrong with not wanting to date again.

i haven't got divorced (yet) but if i were ever divorced, i would want to find someone else straightaway as i hate being by myself and need to be with other people even though i do like to spend a lot of time by myself! a bit of a conumdrum that 

sevenhills

I recall a male friend giving up on the dating scene when he was forty-something. I am 59 and I don't want to give up on finding a partner.

I think that your gender and age are big factors, but its an individual choice.

I miss my recent GF, not sure where my life is heading. Life has not yet recovered back to normal yet, after lockdown. It will be a new 'normal'.

Kim_kim

sevenhills said:

I recall a male friend giving up on the dating scene when he was forty-something. I am 59 and I don't want to give up on finding a partner.

I think that your gender and age are big factors, but its an individual choice.

I miss my recent GF, not sure where my life is heading. Life has not yet recovered back to normal yet, after lockdown. It will be a new 'normal'.

It’s certainly changed dating.  I haven’t got back on the dating scene, but if I did, how do you date & socially distance! 

london21

Don’t be so hard on yourself.
take time out for yourself.
know yourself more, what you want, your likes and dislikes, enjoy your life.
when you are ready then start dating.
online dating can be draining sometimes getting to know people, plus the Covid19 situation hasn’t helped. 

MEM62

Alias_Omega said:

I ask, when does this feeling end and I start wanting to put myself out there, 24/7, moving on in life?
. 

When?  When you are ready and it does not sound as if you are yet.  If you are happy then just enjoy life as you are.  Nothing wrong with being single and content.