Dementia - Thanks for all the replies

KxMx

He definitely does lack capacity, the dementia is advanced and my friend has active POA. 

Social services say he is fine to stay at home with the maximum amount of care visits.
Family, GP and two other professional, experienced agencies involved in the situation say he is not safe to stay and needs a residential care home.

Some may wish to disagree something like this would happen but the situation is absolutely as I've posted it.

Anyway, I feel this has derailed OP's thread now and repeating myself further would be pointless. 

fallen121

However, it seems that a lot of posters on here know what they are talking about.

My husband has honoured his family's desire for no contact and is only really responding to contact that is being made with him by neighbours/social services because they were made aware (by accident) of his address and phone number and were able to confirm with my FIL who he was.

Flugelhorn

It will have caused problems - they will need someone to apply to be a court or protection appointed deputy. I understand that bankruptcy would make such an application difficult and they would have to find someone else - presume they will be looking to your husband to do this but he doesn't have to do it - if there is no-one then social services will make the application

elsien

If FIL is receiving benefits (state pension for example) an appointee can be requested from DWP to take over that and paying of his bills. But as Flugelhorn says, if he lacks capacity then the local authority (or the paid appointee service) can make an application to CoP for deputyship (or guardianship as it is in Scotland)  as there is no other way to access his bank accounts or other assets without it. This is not a quick process as it is slow at the best of times but more so at the moment.
The LA near me do tend to prefer it to be family but that's partly because it's a) what some people would prefer and b) it's a heck of a sight easier for them.
Your husband needn't do anything that he doesn't want to do. It is completely down to him.
If FIL does end up wandering or being unsafe then the police/ambulance/whoever pick him up will raise safeguardings which mean the level of care may have to be relooked at.  But they may need to try it first to see how it works then reconsider.
None of which is your husband's problem if he/they don't want it to be. I am estranged from one parent and can foresee myself being in the same situation in the future. The MCA works in part on what the person would want if they had capacity. FIL seems to have made that clear and your husband is respecting that. It's sad, but it's how things are sometimes. 

Vegastare

Fallen 121

I just want to kindly suggest you close the door on this.  FIL has disowned his son in the past - even next door neighbour didn't have idea about you all.  This needs to be firmly told to Soc Services, explain it is deeply distressing to you all as he has never wanted contact with any of you only SIL.  Close them down or they will keep coming back.

You said he has no desire to get involved but it seems the information he has imparted has thrown a cat among the pigeons.....
stand firm - request no phone calls/letters from Social Services. Tell them you expect no more contact.

I once took a call for colleague when a London Council was asking to speak to her (we are up North) they did not use her correct name but her married name of many years before.  She looked like she was going into shock, it seems her ex had passed away and they wanted her to pay for his funeral. Some 25 years gone and they had somehow found out where she worked.

A very firm conversation later with our boss and nothing else was every heard.

They will do there best to find an easy solution - which I guess is to be expected but they solution is not your problem.  

Firmly close the door now and put this nasty incident behind you.

Good luck