Dementia - Thanks for all the replies

fallen121

Thanks for all the replies.

[Deleted User]

You don't have any obligations beyond what you choose to do.

Brie

Just to add to the confirmation you have no obligations.  Even if you were filthy rich, young & fit and lived next door.  

That said I would certainly (for politeness) thank the neighbours for their efforts and explain (at least a little) that you will/can not assist.  

Flugelhorn

they are no obligations - social services just want anyone to take responsibility. I suggest you change your mobile phone number or get a call screening system on your landline, I found the Sky talk shield very useful when I was struggling with calls from social services etc about a relative - called them back after I had listened to the messages, easier not being put on the spot.

Social services will be wanting to know about finances etc - just say you don't know and the family is estranged

comeandgo

You do absolutely nothing, you have no legal obligations to help him.

Mojisola

fallen121 said:

But the first thing Social Services are going to ask is "Is there family?".

What are our obligations here?

We have had no meaningful relationship with my husband's family at their instigation for at least 12 years.

As said above - you have no obligations to deal with the situation.

If Social Services press you, say what you've said here and add that your husband's in poor health and insist that they don't contact you again.

Ms_Chocaholic

The neighbours can demand all they like, it will be up to Social Services to establish if your FIL has the capacity to make a decision, if they deem he has then it's up to him where he continues to live.  I presume no one in the family has Power of Attorney, if not, then if FIL does not have capacity then Social Services will make a decision about where he should live to ensure he is kept safe.  If you are contacted by Social Services (you might be, Social Services do contact families to discuss their elderly relatives care needs), just tell them that you do not wish to be part of this.

In terms of the neighbours making a referral to Social Services, it sounds like they are doing this as a "threat", in fact it will probably be doing your FIL a favour and if you wanted you could make an anonymous referral with concerns for him.

fallen121

I really do appreciate the good advice being given here and rest assured we are heeding it.

Sea_Shell

"we genuinely don't want him to go without but judging by the comments on here it really isn't in our remit to decide either way."

What do you mean by "go without"?

He will eventually be cared for by social services, they will pay, or arrange for any assets to be used to pay.

IF they put any financial pressure on you, to pay (or top up) then that's a decision you'll have to make.

But like others have said, their is absolutely NO obligation to get involved either practically, emotionally or financially, if you don't want to (can't).

jimbo6977

Social Services are the only characters in this tale with any obligations, so you can in good conscience leave them to their work and politely decline any invitations to involve yourselves in your FIL's life.  

TBagpuss

AS others have said, you don't have any obligations .

Social services may contact you, but you are free to tell them that you don't have any relationship with him, are unable to help ,and have no information about his personal finances or any other arrangements he may have made, and ask them not to contact you again.  You can if you wish, tell them that to the best of your knowledge SIL has maintained contact with him, and give them her details.