A new chapter, An empty nest, Drama school & Last year of Uni

Yankee24

Great work, spend less.  I love your diary.   Our kids are on similar trajectories… I think the next tough bit is getting the daughters financially independent.   Mine too received some inheritance that bailed her out of a very large car repair bill.   She needs to learn that those happenstances Are rare!

Spendless

Thank you Yankee24. Well  exactly 7 months from today we should be debt free unless any obstacles or life curve balls come our way to mess this up.  Half way mark comes on April 16th, so wish to stick to that date to re-cap.

I totally agree about daughter Yankee24. This is on my agenda to sort with her once she returns from her trip. One of her issues is grocery spending and not planning which  ultimately leaves her in a muddle further down the line. We were able to  change some loyalty rewards we have into a £100 gift card for a supermarket and intend using that to set her up with her first grocery shop to help her.

Yesterday DH took DS and DiL to the bank to open an account in joint names as they still had cheques made out to both that they'd been unable to pay in and needed to do before 6 months was up. Afterwards they came back to ours and helped prep our house for tonight. DiL is a wizz at organising, she'd completely done one room quicker than it took me to do 3 drawers and 1 cupboard. As I went through my things, I put aside my various coin purses and intend using them for different purposes - a woof fund being one of them. Dog has got  his next grooming appt back as  early March.  

We are hosting NYE gathering tonight for family and friends. Most food items bought, friends fetched some items round too. Plenty of alcohol in the cupboards, just need to add some beer and mixers.

Happy New Year to everyone. 

Spendless

Today I would have returned to my job from the Christmas break and all I feel is relief that I'm not doing so. I have still been having feelings of regret that I was too trusting and naïve to see what was coming  especially since my Mum the week before had suggested I go off sick due to the stress I was under and I refused. I should have taken the company's week sick pay then handed in my notice. I'm aware that subsequent job/s are going to leave me feeling wary.


DD came back from Sweden yesterday. Took a morning flight from Stockholm after celebrating NYE, so on landing back in England went back to her digs for  a sleep. Then caught train back home later. We'd anticipated this happening so had bought an anytime ticket for her to get back.

£80 SO back to my savings account has gone in today. There's now 7 payments left till the money that couldn't be 0% BT on to the new CC is paid back, £560 total 6 automatic payments at he beginning of the month, the 7th to be manually sent. That's starting to look like a manageable figure now. Will be even better next month when it goes sub £500. 

Spendless

My banking app shows me pending payments a day in advance. This means I can see my wages from my last job that are due to hit tomorrow.  Over the last few weeks I tried playing around with a salary calculator to try and work out what I was likely to receive. I'm getting more than anticipated so think I've received some tax back too. Once I receive a payslip I'll look and then I can work out if I need to apply to HMRC for any more overpaid tax.  So relieved it's just being paid as I had zero wish to contact my old company. Incidents keep coming back  'into my mind unbidden, stories delivered to me fully written' (paraphrased lyrics of Silent from Matilda The Musical - you can tell DD is home -lol). Recently I suddenly recalled that I was once asked at work to do a task that wasn't my fault all the info hadn't been sent in (it was my fault apparently that I hadn't chased up even though I had no way of matching what was missing on some of it) and when I asked to just devote a half day to it and half to something else got told no. I was worried then about falling behind with the undone task and sure enough that was one of the justifications for letting me go. When I went for a walk with my friend before Christmas and told her what had happened, she said it sounded to her like I'd received insufficient training - which is exactly what happened before. 

Anyway back to wages, tomorrows payment leaves me around £62 short of DD's next rent instalment later this month which is relatively easily found and will include taking some of the interest from savings. I still have some Dec wages left and that plus a bonus Mr S will hopefully receive in this months wages will pay for DD's money to live on until the beg of March. Hopefully by then there should be some good news on the job front. I am just so thankful that we started sorting our debts out properly a year ago. Without that we'd be in a bigger mess now. I tentatively looked for jobs in my area yesterday, I saw just  one advertised and  that  had so many tasks allocated to the job it made my previous manager look entirely reasonable and relaxed! So, think I'll skip it. Traditionally the job market here is very slow in Jan.

DD seems to be struggling with a combination of post Christmas/post holiday blues and also the horrible cough from her acid/silent reflux hasn't gone. Whilst she still has it, finding a job even in our limited market is going to be problematic as anything would be customer facing.  Add in her one local friend has moved  again recently to even further away with her family leaving DD feeling sorry for herself. Doesn't help that the weather is wet and miserable and January has 963 days in it!

Hopefully find something to perk her up today.

Spendless

Wages have gone in the bank and I'm pleased to say I got it wrong, there was enough to cover  the last 1/4 I'd been saving for DD's next rent instalment. I'd been rounding up in my head which was correct for the first 3 monthly payments to be saved, but not for the last one, so a whacking £3920 now in  my acc to pay the halls later this month. Not much left over from my  final wages - less than £20, but I'm not touching what's in my account anyway and what's left can go to DD's living expenses topped up with savings interest/DH bonus for her first month back. 

Once this has been paid it's on the next. I feel like you no sooner hit one target than the next crops up, it's like a game of whack-a-mole!  

No idea why the story came up on my phone yesterday possibly cos I'd been googling jobs but where I live there are 214 people for every 1 job. No wonder I struggle!  Roll on DFD!

Humdinger1

Dear @Spendless, I hope you don't mind if I post a quote from my own diary below as our DDs are in the same field.  Hope I'm not highjacking

Humdinger1 said:

Happy New Year everyone! It's been a bit of a roller-coaster here.  DD has been ill and -mercifully- an MRI scan has ruled out a mass on her brain which one junior doc mentioned as a possibility, her ears/balance are still under investigation.  She has an appointment in a week or so with a consultant to talk through the diagnosis.   She has decided to restart Year 2 of uni in September 24 and we are in the thick of sorting that out.  She has said that she doesn't want to drop out, transfer elsewhere or do a different course (acting degree) but does want to move year as it has been a toxic experience with people in her current year and has numerous friends in the year below.  I'm so relieved about her diagnosis so far but am anxious about what comes next.  She has accommodation set up for the next academic year.  Her happiness and health come first and we've had a couple of conversations already about this being an opportunity for a structured reset, not a dropping out and retreating to teenage behaviour.  I think it's going to take time for me to process and there will be times of anxiety along the way.  Thanks to everyone reading love Humdinger xx 

Spendless

Hi @Humdinger1 - I don't mind  at all. I feel bad for never noticing you had one! I think it's because I tend to go straight to my own diary with updates and then at a  later time might browse through other ones and clearly have missed yours - apologies.

Your poor daughter, but at least something has been ruled out. Is she currently in yr2  and thinking of not going back after Christmas break  or getting to the end of the year and then asking to repeat?

These are my thoughts, unfortunately some of their fellow students can be very like this. Very few (if any!) start this path as adults, so their training starts taking place in childhood and very early on they learn to 'fight' for the best role, to get the best grade in exams, to place 1st at comps and if they want to pursue it at a higher level this continues and can spill into their outside lives too ending up with some of them being unpleasant to others unfortunately. Ultimately it does them no good, I'm sure we can all have heard of an actor/singer etc  even very big names who have gained a reputation for being difficult to work with - you're not telling me that these people were pleasant thru training/uni/drama school etc and then had a personality change for the worse later on in life once they made it big - they were like it all the time, just not as many noticed!

Has your DD spoke to the Uni staff about her wish to re-start a year and has that been agreed - get it in writing! If she's asked why she's requesting it then *maybe* citing health reasons might be better than saying due to toxic people in her year and preferring the year below just because some tutors are not the best at seeing things like this and it isn't unknown for them to respond 'and...what do you think the industry is going to be like?' Has the Uni signed up to any help with MH that she could go to? 

So you know you're not alone and I've only so far touched on it on here. DD came home for Christmas the w/end of 15/16th Dec and pretty much straight away she was fed up. She also had a horrible cough that's still not gone that is possibly connected to her have acid/silent reflux (we don't know which cos she went in alone to the Drs appt that said it, didn't remember  and my Mum has one, DH the other so could be either). On Xmas Eve as she we all went to bed I heard her crying, various thoughts went into my head as to why, I thought someone had been mean to her online, she'd been dating someone and kept it quiet and he'd called it off, my mind even wandered to Tex managing to message her via a false account! It wasn't any of these when I asked her, instead she named 3 things, 2 of which I can't remember (so they were big to her, but trivial to me) the 3rd was her stocking wasn't hanging on her door like when she was younger. That's cos I'd forgotten I used to do that and the stocking was already packed with stuff to hang up later -  easily resolved I tipped the contents out and put the empty one up! All this seems a bit pathetic from a 20-something but don't forget they spend hours in class daily (and often more contact hours than many academic degrees entails) exploring feelings, their own experiences, how the character feels, compare it to something that happened to you, consider how you'd feel if. They come home to their safe space and wham you get the 'comedown' of that. DD's cough was so bad, I considered she might have to cancel her Sweden trip, thankfully she didn't, enjoyed it, hadn't budgeted properly but I'd already 2nd guessed that and had put plans in place. Now she's been home since Mon night and was back fed up. She spent a night at her BFF who has moved away, came back yesterday morning and had a nap whilst I went to some shops with my Mum, DD asked if I'd pick her up a Vegan sausage roll whilst out (she's vegetarian). I tried 2 Greggs both oos. Later when DD woke I heard her upset and she came to speak to me again re-iterating how fed up she is and that the sausage roll not being available just tipped her. She had the view that she needed in her life a job, a boyfriend and a healthy diet. (Guess which 2 of these I agree with her on!). DD had had a Zoom interview whilst in Sweden, thought it was positive but hasn't heard so is thinking they've found someone with more experience. Yesterday after her upset she rang a pub near where she lives about vacancies and they've asked her to pop in once she's back. A friend from college said she could go and stay with her, so me and DH looked at the diary and it could only be fitted in if she travels today  - a ticket is booked for this afternoon and DH will pick her up on the way back from working away on Monday. 

I think if your DD is going to be at home for while, then health dependant, look at getting a job - p-time would be ok. If you live in or close to a tourist area, performance jobs are available even at this level. DD got one for 6 months  inbetween courses at a tourist attraction working as a scare actor. She recommended this route to another girl who had been one of the few leaving sixth form last year to not have secured a place at drama school (she had one offer but it wasn't financially viable) the girl took the route suggested by DD and is now working at DLP as a character Princess. Your DD could also looking at getting a side hustle if anything springs to mine, which will always be helpful.

Anyway hope some of the above thoughts/ideas have helped in some way. Shout up if you need any more help, if I can answer, I will.

Honeysucklelou2

Just catching up on diaries…so sorry to read about the job situation. That Sunday night dread is horrible so glad that you are now free from that. Hope that a job position comes up soon for you.

Humdinger1

Spendless said:

Hi @Humdinger1 - I don't mind  at all. I feel bad for never noticing you had one! I think it's because I tend to go straight to my own diary with updates and then at a  later time might browse through other ones and clearly have missed yours - apologies.

Your poor daughter, but at least something has been ruled out. Is she currently in yr2  and thinking of not going back after Christmas break  or getting to the end of the year and then asking to repeat?

These are my thoughts, unfortunately some of their fellow students can be very like this. Very few (if any!) start this path as adults, so their training starts taking place in childhood and very early on they learn to 'fight' for the best role, to get the best grade in exams, to place 1st at comps and if they want to pursue it at a higher level this continues and can spill into their outside lives too ending up with some of them being unpleasant to others unfortunately. Ultimately it does them no good, I'm sure we can all have heard of an actor/singer etc  even very big names who have gained a reputation for being difficult to work with - you're not telling me that these people were pleasant thru training/uni/drama school etc and then had a personality change for the worse later on in life once they made it big - they were like it all the time, just not as many noticed!

Has your DD spoke to the Uni staff about her wish to re-start a year and has that been agreed - get it in writing! If she's asked why she's requesting it then *maybe* citing health reasons might be better than saying due to toxic people in her year and preferring the year below just because some tutors are not the best at seeing things like this and it isn't unknown for them to respond 'and...what do you think the industry is going to be like?' Has the Uni signed up to any help with MH that she could go to? 

So you know you're not alone and I've only so far touched on it on here. DD came home for Christmas the w/end of 15/16th Dec and pretty much straight away she was fed up. She also had a horrible cough that's still not gone that is possibly connected to her have acid/silent reflux (we don't know which cos she went in alone to the Drs appt that said it, didn't remember  and my Mum has one, DH the other so could be either). On Xmas Eve as she we all went to bed I heard her crying, various thoughts went into my head as to why, I thought someone had been mean to her online, she'd been dating someone and kept it quiet and he'd called it off, my mind even wandered to Tex managing to message her via a false account! It wasn't any of these when I asked her, instead she named 3 things, 2 of which I can't remember (so they were big to her, but trivial to me) the 3rd was her stocking wasn't hanging on her door like when she was younger. That's cos I'd forgotten I used to do that and the stocking was already packed with stuff to hang up later -  easily resolved I tipped the contents out and put the empty one up! All this seems a bit pathetic from a 20-something but don't forget they spend hours in class daily (and often more contact hours than many academic degrees entails) exploring feelings, their own experiences, how the character feels, compare it to something that happened to you, consider how you'd feel if. They come home to their safe space and wham you get the 'comedown' of that. DD's cough was so bad, I considered she might have to cancel her Sweden trip, thankfully she didn't, enjoyed it, hadn't budgeted properly but I'd already 2nd guessed that and had put plans in place. Now she's been home since Mon night and was back fed up. She spent a night at her BFF who has moved away, came back yesterday morning and had a nap whilst I went to some shops with my Mum, DD asked if I'd pick her up a Vegan sausage roll whilst out (she's vegetarian). I tried 2 Greggs both oos. Later when DD woke I heard her upset and she came to speak to me again re-iterating how fed up she is and that the sausage roll not being available just tipped her. She had the view that she needed in her life a job, a boyfriend and a healthy diet. (Guess which 2 of these I agree with her on!). DD had had a Zoom interview whilst in Sweden, thought it was positive but hasn't heard so is thinking they've found someone with more experience. Yesterday after her upset she rang a pub near where she lives about vacancies and they've asked her to pop in once she's back. A friend from college said she could go and stay with her, so me and DH looked at the diary and it could only be fitted in if she travels today  - a ticket is booked for this afternoon and DH will pick her up on the way back from working away on Monday. 

I think if your DD is going to be at home for while, then health dependant, look at getting a job - p-time would be ok. If you live in or close to a tourist area, performance jobs are available even at this level. DD got one for 6 months  inbetween courses at a tourist attraction working as a scare actor. She recommended this route to another girl who had been one of the few leaving sixth form last year to not have secured a place at drama school (she had one offer but it wasn't financially viable) the girl took the route suggested by DD and is now working at DLP as a character Princess. Your DD could also looking at getting a side hustle if anything springs to mine, which will always be helpful.

Anyway hope some of the above thoughts/ideas have helped in some way. Shout up if you need any more help, if I can answer, I will.

Brilliant! Thanks so much; yes, part time job
is on the horizon- at a pub- but I will suggest she looks into theatre related ones too.  Your analysis of at least some actors' mindsets is spot on, as is the 'get it in writing ' advice fron Uni.  She would just repeat year 2 from September 24.  Please don't feel bad for not realising I have a diary; I'm not sure how to show it in my signature.   Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx

Spendless

Friday's post fetched my last pay slip and my P45. I had DH open the letter in case in case it triggered negative thoughts or there was anything else in it. There wasn't and I was ok. I looked on the payslip and there's £20 showing as a tax refund. I put the details of income from both jobs (that shows on the payslip) into a salary calculator which suggests I'm owed a few hundred £s back. Need to apply online for it back. I realised that since I returned to day time working after having kids - college -voluntary work, in Summer 2010 I have then gone on to be out of work for various reasons such as company losing contract, re-structuring, lockdowns etc in the following Januarys: 2012, 2016, 2019, 2021 and 2024. Averaging every 3 years. No wonder I feel so low about it. It also plays havoc with my CV.

Yesterday a text made us realise we'd forgotten all about a 50th birthday party we were invited to. We went and enjoyed it  

Today a  grocery shop needs to be done, but will be planning round what is already in  since DH is away working for most of the week and the freezer is full of DD's vegetarian meals.