A new chapter, An empty nest, Drama school & Last year of Uni

EssexHebridean

Oh Spendless I'm so sorry to hear your news - what an innings though, she must have been a fascinating lady to know! I'm glad you were able to get there in time. 

Spendless

Thanks for your kind words everyone. I'd never thought of myself that way @Humdinger1 but can see what you're saying.

I had a better nights sleep last night. I've been waking in the early hours and unable to get back to sleep for several hours. Yesterday that meant I slept through 3 alarms set (how???!!) woke less than 20 mins before I needed to catch my bus, but was really pleased caught it in time, it dropped me off near my workplace and then I realised I'd left my laptop at home. No bus back for another hour, so had to hang around, waiting at the bus station so I could go home and work from there instead. Most pointless 2 hour round  trip I've ever made! Fortunately I have an understanding boss. 

Nan's funeral is next month, had to have slightly later date than originally suggested, due to the logistics of getting DD back from the South and returning her afterwards. She started a p-time job last weekend, and should get her first wages tomorrow. Hope this encourages her to stick with it, I suspect she's been struggling with budgeting from her student loan again - sigh. She did ring me this week to say an agency she had joined that is connected to the pageants she enters had put her forward for a part on a reality TV show - lol, where she would spend a few weeks abroad this summer being filmed partying for an international audience . DD asked 'and what's the plot line' and the interviewer said she was very intelligent to have worked that out but couldn't say. She has her suspicions and it's very unlikely she'd go anyway but it's given her a boost, which I'm glad about cos toxic ex continues to hurt. He has written and is performing a musical about their relationship in a few weeks time in an off West End Theatre. The characters names are even connected to him and DD! I'm sure it will be full of - to quote someone far more famous 'his truths' and bare little from the reality that I unearthed! No, I'm not making this s**t up, I wish I was.

This is why I had to speak to the DA advisor about him the other week. She said from what I'd told her that in her view he was a narcissist (conclusion I'd already come to) was obsessed with DD,  psychologically abusing her and enjoying hurting her and this musical was one of these things. She said the best strategy for now was to ignore but should he continue DD has grounds to report him and sent me links to where to go. I asked how likely a psychologically abusive relationship turns physical and she said almost inevitable, so I am so glad she's out of it and also that they never went on their cruise hol that he'd paid for because goodness knows what would have happened in an isolated confined space.  I'm not excusing him, he's an adult and responsible for his own moral compass but I do wonder what he's experienced himself to make him a psychological  abuser when he wasn't even out of his teens and still has no comprehension of how decent people behave, but that's none of my concern, it's taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact I encouraged, supported, enabled and liked him without knowing or understanding his true nature. I've told DD the best revenge is to become more successful than he aspires to be and that in 10-15 years time he has to come to her asking for a job - hahahaha.

Onto financial affairs, whilst we were away our mortgage got paid off. It's funny because one of the reasons we bought here is because family lived in this village and that included Nan, who at that time babysat DS whilst I worked. It's as though she waited till the house was completely ours, knew DS was getting married, that DD was doing well at drama school, waited for us to return from hol and thought that's it, my work is done. I'm so glad she didn't pass whilst we were away. We had the most amazing time, visited downtown Palm Springs, saw the stars names in the pavement, went for a ride in a cable car across the mountains and then towards the end of the week when DH was working had the most amazing evening where we met up and were all given a glass of fizz, followed by photos taken, then a ride in the hotel's boats all lit up in the dark to take us to a private dining restaurant on the hotel's grounds where we had a tasting menu. My favourite was the first part, which were 3 candles all lit up on a tray, but the candles were actually butter and as they melted you dipped the rustic bread into the melted butter. The meal was served with flowing red and white wine then at the end everyone was presented with a goody bag containing a box of macaroons and a large but individual poppy seed cake with apple in the middle. After that we went to another restaurant where a pianist was singing, got a large table for our group had cocktails and just about everyone got up to dance, including my husband for the first time since our wedding over 23 years ago and at one bit the pianist -lol. I know from DD doing performing arts that the audiences reaction is everything, so I know the artist must have been happy to have joined us. 

Other than the mortgage, we have 2 CCs to now sort out. One is on 0% and will be cleared towards the end of this year the other isn't and we are in the process of sorting this. To help matters along my car I took to the garage that does my MOTs and they sorted it for £60 - so pleased! That gives us the first tentative DF day of Autumn next year. If I can make it 3 years since I first started this diary that would be brill. 

Spendless

DD won an award yesterday. This one. https://www.jackpetcheyfoundation.org.uk/about-us/. She wins £300 for her drama school to be spent on resources of her choice. She is feeling a little overwhelmed at the minute, she has a main role in her course's production, has started p-time work, is involved in a  different year's production and is also auditioning for degree courses, so this was a nice boost.

Today we need to grocery shop. We returned from our hol to find our cupboards and fridge looked like a scene from 'The Tiger who came to tea' . As and when DS dog-sits again I will utilise our additional fridge and meek sure at least milk, butter, bacon and cheese are all in there plus instructions to get bread so at least there's the option of a hot and cold sandwich and a hot drink!  As Nan died the following day and my car was still off the road then DH went  for a brief grocery shop but I've joined SW and the chicken burgers, oven chips and battered cod he fetched back wasn't ideal. I put 2pounds on whilst away and haven't lost it this week either, so need to knuckle down. I have said we need to make a meal plan and do a small shop to last until the end of the month. A combination of us being away and a bonus paid out to DH last month means we aren't in our overdraft this month and I'd ideally like that to be sorted. Hoping we can do it, I'm WFH all next week so no commuting costs. My own separate bank account not so healthy. This is because I got paid twice when I was away, my weekly wages in arrears pus holiday pay the same date - no idea why they do this????? of the 2 hols I've previously had, once they did it like this, once they didn't and last week I took off due to Nan dying, I didn't get paid, no hols to take as hol year started Jan and I'd taken them due to being away! However as long as I'm careful no money should come out of that account. and it will sort itself out next weekend.  Due to DD being skint I did find that Sainsbury's did a student/parent card, where you can top up the card and then the student can spend the amount with their card. Sainsbury's is opposite her student digs. Lidl is about a 15 min walk away. I have told her to go to Lidl for most things and then do a top up shop at Sainsbury's for the items she can't get. I do exactly the same thing with Aldi and Tesco (my 2 nearest). I put £15  figuring that would get her a small amount of basics but decided to send it 2nd class so it would only get there after the weekend and a couple of days after her payday so she didn't feel flush - it didn't work, it got there the following day -lol. It sounds like she's paid tax on her earnings, but in a repeat of her summer job, she doesn't know because she doesn't know the password to read her payslip! 

My parents want DH to go around and have a look at 2 insurance policies belonging to my Nan. One she took out years ago and insured her for £1,000, the other is a policy her Mum took out in case Nan died as a child. My Nan was 15 before WW2 broke out! No idea if they're still valid and my parents get lost with this sort of offiicialdom, so best handed over to DH to fathom out.  

EssexHebridean

Could I suggest that a letter to the theatre owners/director of the show/any promotors or sponsors involved clearly pointing out that characters are identifiable in a way that is unacceptable, particularly without their permission, and that anything defamatory within the show will be likely to lead to legal action, might be a plan? This sort of obsession is really concerning though - I can see why you're so worried. In your shoes I'm not sure I'd be holding off taking action now I have to say - as well as it sounds like DD is doing (and my goodness, isn't it all happening for her!) ex's behaviour is bordering on deranged! 

Glad you have a date for your Nan's funeral - understandable that it needs to be delayed a little to get the logistics of necessary people being there sorted too. 

Spendless

EssexHebridean said:

Could I suggest that a letter to the theatre owners/director of the show/any promotors or sponsors involved clearly pointing out that characters are identifiable in a way that is unacceptable, particularly without their permission, and that anything defamatory within the show will be likely to lead to legal action, might be a plan? This sort of obsession is really concerning though - I can see why you're so worried. In your shoes I'm not sure I'd be holding off taking action now I have to say - as well as it sounds like DD is doing (and my goodness, isn't it all happening for her!) ex's behaviour is bordering on deranged! 

Glad you have a date for your Nan's funeral - understandable that it needs to be delayed a little to get the logistics of necessary people being there sorted too. 

I'd not thought of that   however the blurb says it's semi-autobiographical which I'm guessing covers his back!  He even messaged DD early Jan, asking if she'd like to come watch???!!! 

Yeah I agree, DD told me recently that before she moved to her current student digs, he messaged her mate (the only 1 of the 4 girls DD introduced him to that he's not slept with and if he could have, I'm sure he would - just friend is too wise to him and too loyal to DD) to ask for DD's address. Friend refused to give it, said it was weird he wanted to know and why did he want the info. Got the answer from him, that he intended getting in her room, filling it with balloons and proposing!  the idea is ridiculous even if it was true, given that they're students and split up over a year ago, DH suspects he was just going to use the knowledge of her address to make her aware he still had control of her. DA advisor agreed with DH! I can't believe who/what he really is is so far removed from what I believed. Prior to this I felt that people taken in by 'con-artists'  had been naïve. 

EssexHebridean

Karma will get him. What a numpty if he thought DDs friend was going to be daft enough to give him her address! 

savingholmes

Sorry it's been so full on. Car accident aren't fun. Hope you have managed to get things sorted. Trip away sounds positive though.

Condolences on your Nan.

Huge congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 on paying off your mortgage.

Spendless

I'm still waiting for 2 cheques to clear from our American trip, 1 is the re-imbursement of DH's flight, the other a 2nd cheque issued was due to our ordered Uber not turning up, so having to get another (company pays). The bank informed me they cost £28 each to  clear, which will pretty much wipe out the 2nd cheque! DH when he did his expenses almost added something on to take into account any amount lost in the currency conversion, then decided against it. I understand why, we are wined and dined and get an incredible experience that we wouldn't otherwise have, but I've told him in future even if we stand the currency fluctuations he needs to be adding on the cost of cashing a cheque, we don't pay both.

Trying to eek out the groceries in the cupboard until one of our paydays, DS and gf dog/house sat whilst we were away. We bought them some groceries as a thank you for them to have here, but my cupboards and fridge looked like a scene from The Tiger who came to Tea when we returned! 

DD is acknowledging more where she has gone wrong with her spending and what she needs to do to rectify it. I'm pleased about this. 

   

Honeysucklelou2

Your trip away sounds amazing! Congratulations on becoming mortgage free, how wonderful! 

Sorry to read about your Nan…sympathies to you and your family.

Spendless

Got to the bottom of the American cheques. They take 16 days to clear not 10-14 like I was told at the counter! I was starting to worry that they'd been paid into someone else's account or got lost in the system. The person I rang was very helpful and could see them pending elsewhere.  DH gets paid tomorrow and I'm hoping, with a little over 7 hours left to go that this is the first time in years we've not been in our overdraft! Usually coming close to exceeding it. What helped? Well Feb is a short month, DH got a bonus and we kept some of that for 'everyday living' whilst putting a chunk towards DD's student rent and of course we went away and some of the week we accounted for and the end was expenses paid.

March is always a tough one fiances wise, as both kids birthdays fall in it, plus mother's day. It was a lot busier in previous years  my sister's twins also have a March birthday (don't buy now they're adults) as well as my Nan who sadly died recently and then there was 3 mothers day presents (mine, Mum, MIL) to come out of the same paypacket too. Now kids are responsible themselves for anything I receive and I  sadly lost my MIL too  a couple of years ago.

DH has been helping my Mum sort out my Nan's insurance policies. We found 3, 2 have now been filled in and Mum has sent off, still waiting to hear back from the 3rd, might need another phone call. That one is what's called a penny policy that was taken out by my Great Grandmother before  even WW2 broke out! It's a fascinating document, even the style of it, so will be kept.