Learning to walk before I run

South_coast

edinburgher said:

Responding to complaints for part of my living certainly isn't what I want to be doing long term...

I hear you. Other people are the pits 🙁

savingholmes

Hope you feel better soon. Work related stress can be a difficult cycle to break... Worth investigating the cause and seeing what solutions exist...

Karmacat

savingholmes said:

Work related stress can be a difficult cycle to break... Worth investigating the cause and seeing what solutions exist...

Absolutely - you're a safe pair of hands, and if you've been making silly mistakes then there's a reason for that eg maybe you absolutely *loathe* dealing with complaints?  I would too, actually.

Whitley Bay sounded wonderful!

edinburgher

I think the problem is that the workload is unrealistic (we're basically running with a year's backlog for one area of work and are expected to prioritise it despite the fact that other areas of work have shorter deadlines). On the other hand, we are all in the same boat. I feel that feeling grumpy about complaints (ok KC, *loathing* complaints) is basically crystallised frustration about all the bits of my job that I don't like and the fact that it is relentless. Pointless rework, poorly communicated concerns, personalising matters, barracks lawyers etc. There is, however, basically nothing I can do about the workload and we won't get any more staff for this (we are the reinforcements) I am looking for other jobs, 3.5 years of this would test the patience of a saint.

Real life also feels quite challenging at present - one flaky builder after another. We seem to be getting a few more bites now that our Building Warrant submission is completed, but it is like pulling teeth. We have another one coming out tomorrow, I won't get my hopes up.

Anyway, it's the weekend and DD will be back in half an hour or so I will try and keep my chin up and focus on some positives, maybe even see if I can scrounge up some money for an OP  Thanks for reading therapists of MFW!

savingholmes

Good luck with builders and your job

Alchemilla

Sorry about the frazz, Ed.

Looking for another job sounds a good plan, dealing with complaints uses a LOT of emotional energy, and so does dealing with builders (home plus money).

I expect there is also a lot of emotional energy being spent on the anticipated happy event xxx

LadyGnome

Ed I sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment.  You probably do need to look for a new job but I wonder if now is the right time.  You have a lot of changes and disruption coming up so would finding and adapting to a new role be more stressful than living with the current situation for a limited period.  I found giving myself permission to start looking after a certain date helped reduce work stress.  It was easier to cope when I knew that I only had x more months of the nonsense before I'd escape.  I now work as a consultant so I am largely project based and no matter how ridiculous something is - I just console myself with in 6 months I will have finished and I never need to think about this again.

Suffolk_lass

I find found having an escape plan just as important as putting it into action. I think writing a pros and cons list helps enormously and then ranking the cons so you know in yourself if the are "cannot live with this" or a cumulative thing makes a big difference. I used to pick one biggy and consider seriously what I could do to mitigate its impact. In one instance I compiled a diarised log in a password protected file of all the a-hole things my immediate boss did so that I had an evidence portfolio if it ever got to "it's her or me". I can't tell you what was in it as I stopped updating it after a while (knowing I had it did the trick for me) and then forgot the password. Actually it was probable a-hole evidence.

Re builders, I would put a note through the door of a local house whose work looks good and ask them if they would recommend their builder and please to email or call you to say who it was. There are plenty of frogs before you find your prince, sadly. I've said it before, the bad ones we had stopped me sleeping through the night. that was 20 years ago and if stressed, that is still in my head at 3.45am when I wake up. Even my health worries wrapped themselves in that episode. Really, take your time and make sure.

edinburgher

@Alchemilla - if I'm entirely honest, I don't feel that I'm expending enough emotional energy on the anticpiated happy event. I'm not sure if that should worry me because it's a sign that other areas of life are taking too much of my available energy, or whether it's just my temperament. I am very much the parent that doesn't get excited about (for example) Christmas until it's the night before.

@LadyGnome - I'm sure you're right. Life for the edinburghers tends to happen in epochs - everything changes at once. It has never (to the best of my knowledge) been a deliberate policy, but we seldom seem to have only one big thing on the go at a time. I changed jobs the fortnight before we got married and we bought our first flat a few months later; then we bought our current house and moved there when DD was less than 1. I have definitely mentally given myself permission to move, but I take on board your point about moving after a defined period/stage, as opposed to just moving whenever.

@Suffolk_lass - I have definitely had my share of "a-hole evidence gathering". The first time was a giant envelope full of evidence as I felt I was facing constructive dismissal and the second was a warning from a boss to be careful about making comments with any wiggle room for interpretation to an, erm...  challenging colleague as they had a reputation for making unproven complaints about colleagues and were likely documenting me as the a-hole Don't get me wrong, I've been called worse, but it wasn't my turn that time.

Neither of my "big things" ever came to anything, despite the fact that they both made me feel demoralised and upset in different ways. I suppose the current situation is very different (and far more grownded up) as it's just a drip drip of lots of little things.

I have been doing a version of your suggestion re. builders (contacting anyone working in the area). A wee bit less discerning, but I do check everyone out on Companies House/Social Media and review sites before emailing them. I've been able to submit drawings to a couple of firms, one has come back to say they can't quote and the people who were meant to be coming out today have been rescheduled to Monday? as the guy had to pick up an ill child from school. Trying to be sanguine about such things as they happen and I'd have done the same if it was me

Karmacat

Ed, you're obviously doing what you can and doing as *much* as you can - it just sounds a lot, that's all - total respect from me, because you really are pulling off all this.  Have a lovely weekend