Reasons for divorce implications

elsien

separatedinsamehome said:

wow, thanks for sending that, had a good read through. So basically for there to be enough unreasonable behaviour for a divorce, it could have an impact on me if she decides that she wants custody of the children, at the moment we are sharing custody and things are amicable. But I am worried if she decides later she doesnt want things to be amicable (she has shown unreasonable behaviour in the past.i.e travelling to a red list country for a month on 5 days notice leaving me with the children for a month whilst I am working full time over the summer holidays) she could turn around and use the unreasonable behaviour citing against me

Not necessarily. Sibling was divorced for unreasonable behaviour and it got quite nasty. Still got shared care, but not 50/50 as that wouldn’t have worked for the kids, whatever the divorce reason was. 

sassyblue

separatedinsamehome said:

wow, thanks for sending that, had a good read through. So basically for there to be enough unreasonable behaviour for a divorce, it could have an impact on me if she decides that she wants custody of the children, at the moment we are sharing custody and things are amicable. But I am worried if she decides later she doesnt want things to be amicable (she has shown unreasonable behaviour in the past.i.e travelling to a red list country for a month on 5 days notice leaving me with the children for a month whilst I am working full time over the summer holidays) she could turn around and use the unreasonable behaviour citing against me

In all my years working for a divorce lawyer I NEVER saw anything in the reasons for divorce having a detrimental effect on custody arrangements EXCEPT where the husband had been charged with offences involving children (not theirs).

Her actions however, that you mentioned are indeed unreasonable behaviour but again, nowhere near enough for you to obtain sole custody, it would just mean in any child arrangements case she’d have an undertaking of some sort to give you more notice in future - unless the trip was because of the sudden illness/death of a close relative but that can happen to anyone.

sassyblue

Neruda said:

Brie said:

maybe you should agree to "unreasonable behaviour" as the cause of the divorce but ensure that it is her behaviour that is questionable.

Sadly, that would work only if the OP were the one petitioning for divorce.

Maybe he could 'admit' that he was unhappy about her trip home and allow his objection to it to be classified as 'unreasonable'.

It’s quite usual to state in the Acknowledgment of Service form that he disagrees with the allegations of unreasonable behaviour against him and indeed could have petitioned himself for divorce, but he agrees the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

becasue an unreasonable behaviour divorce is a 'fault based' divorce, she could request that he pays the costs of her divorce (the court fee plus her solicitors fees for divorce, usually a fixed fee, but he can offer to pay half.  For The costs to resolve matrimonial finances and issues involving the children each spouse will pay their own lawyer).

separatedinsamehome

Hi all, thanks for the advice. I am not looking for sole custody as I dont think that will be good for the children not to see their mother, but currently we have agreed a 50/50 arrangement and are doing that. What I am worried about is if I agree to the Unreasonable behaviour with it being cited as social issues and the marriage breaking down, would it leave me in a position where I am vulnerable during or after the divorce.

I have plenty of logged incidents over the last year which I could use to demonstrate her irrational behaviour and how it has caused the marriage to break down, but i really dont want this to get messy. My mum passed away less than a year ago during covid and I just dont have the strength, it was difficult enough that my wife asked me for a separation 2 months after my mum died. So i just want to try and get through this as smooth as possible despite her rants and outbursts. But i also want to make sure I am protected and more importantly the kids are protected.

Sorry for the outpouring and overdetail, just very difficult at the moment

TBagpuss

The ONLY implications of her divorcing you on the bais of unreasonable behaviour is that the court may make an order for you to pay her divorce costs.

I would suggest that you (or your solicitor) say to her that you will cooperate with a petition provided that 
(a) she makes no claim for costs (or limits it to 50% of the court fee) 
(b) keeps the particulars to a minimum.

When you complete the acknowledgment you can state that you accept that the marriage has broken down but don't accept that all of her allegations are true / don't accept that your behaviour was the main or only cause of the marriage breakdown.

IT will have no effect at all on either financial issues or arrangement for the children.

In each of those cases, if she wanted to allege that there was behaviour which was relevant she would need to raise that behaviour in the separate proceedings and satisfy a court that it was relevant. What would be relevant would be the evidence she gave within the Children Act case, where you would have the opportunity to respond in detail to any allegations and where she would have to show not only that the behaviour actually happened, but that it was relevant to the children and how you and she should share their care. 

So yes, behaviour can affect arrangements for children, but the fact that she divorces you on the basis of behaviour can't.

separatedinsamehome

thankyou @TBagpuss this is a great help. So the only relevant behaviour would be social, not talking to her family and friends enough, nothing that disrupted the children or caused any problems. We have already agreed to have 50/50 care of the children and that the children stay at the family home and we alternate staying in a small flat nearby and in the home with the kids.

separatedinsamehome

Hi all, so i got some papers through and for the most part I agree with it, but noticed that

She has also ticked the boxes for "Do you want to apply for a financial order"

should i be concerned about that?

elsien

separatedinsamehome said:

Hi all, so i got some papers through and for the most part I agree with it, but noticed that

She has also ticked the boxes for "Do you want to apply for a financial order"

should i be concerned about that?

It's not obligatory but it's a way of drawing a line under proceedings so that neither of you have any further claims on each other in the future. If you're both agreed then it will probably be rubber stamped unless it's obviously unfair to one party; if there's any financial areas you can't agree on then the court will ultimately decide. 

sassyblue

separatedinsamehome said:

Hi all, so i got some papers through and for the most part I agree with it, but noticed that

She has also ticked the boxes for "Do you want to apply for a financial order"

should i be concerned about that?

That’s for a consent order and you will want that, it sets out the agreement between you and provides a clean break in life and death. The consent order and decree absolute are the two most important documents.  

caprikid1

I did a divorce on the grounds of "Unreasonable Behaviour" It was the quickest way to get it safely sorted.

I said either she make something up or I will tell the truth... we got it done quickly and have joint custody of our two children and just cracked on with brining our kids up. We still have a laugh a joke and chat over a beer or coffee with joint custody see each other once or twice a week. 

I have said it before but IF BOTH OF YOU ARE SENSIBLE AND RESONABLE ... Unreasonable behaviour is the easiest route.