I feel betrayed

olgadapolga

fudgecat said:

Thank for all your comments. We sat down and had the most honest conversation we have had in years. He admitted he had been in denial over the debt and then too ashamed to come to me and see if we could sort it.
SO: we researched zero percent cards and have balance transferred the majority of the debt. One small card I paid off, and a final card has to be researched. 
Ironically, he has a brilliant credit rating score ( I know it means little in the UK), better than mine! 
I think this has been the most collosal shock for him ( and me).
I generally deal with all the money anyway, but I have suggested this is not healthy. In response he has been using online banking and apps and even come to me with a good deal on savings.
I was told a story by a family member that his father was penny wise and pound foolish and twice had to have bank accounts that were frozen reinstated, because he had ignored all instruction letters on what to do with balances. The lack of response, meant that his  assets were frozen, as they thought he was dead! Sadly his Mum left everything to his Dad  to sort out...

So pleased to hear that you've been able to have a decent conversation about the monetary issues. You appear to be a little happier than in your initial post, which can only be good. Now you both just need to work out a plan going forward so that you don't end up in this situation again. Carry on talking, as that is often the key to maintaining things on an even keel.

Madrick

Sounds like good news Fudgecat. It would appear that you are getting things sorted and sounds like your other half is opening up fully about the finances. Hopefully he will see there's no need to hide anything and your relationship will benefit and be even stronger 👍

Langtang

Slinky said:

There's no such thing in our house as 'private and confidential', we both open any mail that comes in, and both have access to each others accounts and emails.

That's interesting. I wouldn't dream of opening any of my wife's mail, private or otherwise. It's not that it's secret, just old fashioned I guess.

fudgecat said:

Thank for all your comments. We sat down and had the most honest conversation we have had in years. He admitted he had been in denial over the debt and then too ashamed to come to me and see if we could sort it.
SO: we researched zero percent cards and have balance transferred the majority of the debt. One small card I paid off, and a final card has to be researched. 
Ironically, he has a brilliant credit rating score ( I know it means little in the UK), better than mine! 
I think this has been the most collosal shock for him ( and me).
I generally deal with all the money anyway, but I have suggested this is not healthy. In response he has been using online banking and apps and even come to me with a good deal on savings.
I was told a story by a family member that his father was penny wise and pound foolish and twice had to have bank accounts that were frozen reinstated, because he had ignored all instruction letters on what to do with balances. The lack of response, meant that his  assets were frozen, as they thought he was dead! Sadly his Mum left everything to his Dad  to sort out...

I'm glad you've both had a chat. Onwards & upwards.