Money Moral Dilemma: Should my brother share the money if he sells the coin collection I gave him?

tain

Malthusian said:

The OP gave their coins away because they didn't think they were worth anything at the time (otherwise they'd've sold them, or at least kept the valuable ones). Their brother has done all the work of maintaining and storing the collection and borne the risk of keeping them instead of selling immediately and reinvesting.

Can you quote where any of this is the case? Or are you making wild assumptions based on limited information?

Also it is absolutely nothing like selling something. 

tain

Pollycat said:

I do both as and when it suits me.

Give cold hard cash (never a gift card - Martin advises against them, doncha know) and a gift with sentiment.
But whether I give cold hard cash or a gift with sentiment, that gift is for the person to do whatever they want with.
Once I've given it, it ceases to be any of my business.
Of course, I wouldn't like to think that my sibling had sold a vintage (50 year old) silver bangle that I looked for long and hard over many months with the same hallmark as the year of her birth.
But if she did sell it, so be it.

I can't see the moral dilemma here (although to be fair, I can't see the dilemma in most of them).

Are you being obtuse on purpose just to disagree?

"I can't see the moral dilemma here"

"I wouldn't like to think..."

So, a moral dilemma then. Just because you're accepting of it, doesn't invalidate the dilemma.

JayD

As overwhelmingly above - NO!

You gave the coins to him with no strings attached. No contract was made between you as to what should be done with the coins, should he no longer want them. Therefore, you gave up any claim to them in any form whatsoever.

They were a gift and he is, therefore, free to do what he likes with them. So, if he sells them, the money, like the coins, belongs entirely to him.

stevros88

I think you're within your rights to ask your brother if he'd be willing to share some of the proceeds, but at the same time he's well within his rights to say no as you voluntarily surrendered possession of the coins. 

Pollycat

tain said:

Pollycat said:

I do both as and when it suits me.

Give cold hard cash (never a gift card - Martin advises against them, doncha know) and a gift with sentiment.
But whether I give cold hard cash or a gift with sentiment, that gift is for the person to do whatever they want with.
Once I've given it, it ceases to be any of my business.
Of course, I wouldn't like to think that my sibling had sold a vintage (50 year old) silver bangle that I looked for long and hard over many months with the same hallmark as the year of her birth.
But if she did sell it, so be it.

I can't see the moral dilemma here (although to be fair, I can't see the dilemma in most of them).

Are you being obtuse on purpose just to disagree?

"I can't see the moral dilemma here"

"I wouldn't like to think..."

So, a moral dilemma then. Just because you're accepting of it, doesn't invalidate the dilemma.

I'm not being obtuse on purpose.
I don't even think I'm being obtuse at all.

I said "I wouldn't like to think that my sibling had sold a vintage (50 year old) silver bangle that I looked for long and hard over many months with the same hallmark as the year of her birth.
But if she did sell it, so be it."

So, no moral dilemma then.

I'm not the only one who can't see the moral dilemma.
You seem to be very much in the minority here.

Fitzmichael

paulashergraham said:

I gave my Grandson a box of coins I'd never looked at and he found one that was worth quite a lot.  Would I expect him to share the sale proceeds with me?  Of course not.  There's no difference here: You gave your Brother something you didn't want and he can do what he wants with it.

There is a slight difference here, but of course no-one would expect him to share. I'm a Grandpa and, if the gift amazingly turned out to be worth, say, £5000, I'd guess my late teenage grandchildren would offer to share it, and I would explode with a delighted "No, the pleasure of what you can do with it goes beyond any pleasure I would get by spending it myself".

beadjoux

tacpot12 said:

No. You gave him the collection. This makes it a gift and he now owns it outright. However, if you have a good relationship with your brother you could mention that if he were to give you something from the proceeds of the sale, there is something you would really like to buy with it. This at least opens up the idea of him giving you something from the sale. 

No. You gave it away, so have no claim on it.

m1at1

Your brother has had the wisdom and foresight to save a coin collection you didn't want. He's spent the time and energy to store it, move it around the house, and generally hang on to it. Moreover you gave it to him as a gift, so why would you ask for it back?

Is your relationship really less important than any money you would gain, or are you really a total cheapskate? It surprises me that anyone would even ask this question.

It might be nice if he gave you something, but I wouldn't ask for it. I'd say something like "I'm really glad you gained something from keeping that collection all these years. It's nice to know I gave you something that gained in value." 

gloriouslyhappy

If it were me and the position were reversed, I'd certainly tell the sibling I was planning to sell, and insist on sharing the proceeds. I think everyone in my immediate family would do the same, but perhaps that's just us, we like things to be 'fair'. Recently I gave a  sibling some money - unasked - for an unexpected vet emergency with high bills expected. Sadly the little pet didn't make it so the bills were much lower and they wanted to return the balance but they're in circumstances not as comfortable as mine at the moment so I told them to use it for their family. What did they do? Rush over with a home-made card and cake for me and an offer of help with the mucky job of cleaning out the shed which I've been putting off. That's what families do - share. Share good times and bad times and windfalls.

tain

Pollycat said:

tain said:

Pollycat said:

I do both as and when it suits me.

Give cold hard cash (never a gift card - Martin advises against them, doncha know) and a gift with sentiment.
But whether I give cold hard cash or a gift with sentiment, that gift is for the person to do whatever they want with.
Once I've given it, it ceases to be any of my business.
Of course, I wouldn't like to think that my sibling had sold a vintage (50 year old) silver bangle that I looked for long and hard over many months with the same hallmark as the year of her birth.
But if she did sell it, so be it.

I can't see the moral dilemma here (although to be fair, I can't see the dilemma in most of them).

Are you being obtuse on purpose just to disagree?

"I can't see the moral dilemma here"

"I wouldn't like to think..."

So, a moral dilemma then. Just because you're accepting of it, doesn't invalidate the dilemma.

I'm not being obtuse on purpose.
I don't even think I'm being obtuse at all.

I said "I wouldn't like to think that my sibling had sold a vintage (50 year old) silver bangle that I looked for long and hard over many months with the same hallmark as the year of her birth.
But if she did sell it, so be it."

So, no moral dilemma then.

I'm not the only one who can't see the moral dilemma.
You seem to be very much in the minority here.

So you personally are accepting of something you 'wouldn't like to think' about?

Do you have an inability to see that others may have the same thought process and not come to the same conclusions as you, therefore creating a moral dilemma? Because if you can see that, you are being obtuse. 

And quoting minorities when you've run out of actual persuasive argument is poor. I know I'm in the minority, and I'm not even saying I would take issue with my brother selling something I'd given him. I'm saying that there is a very real moral question to be asked regarding the sentiment and value placed on giving someone a gift beyond the legal 'you no longer own it so have no rights to it anymore'. I'd hope my relationship with my brother is beyond a legal one.