Money Moral Dilemma: Should my brother share the money if he sells the coin collection I gave him?

Fitzmichael

I can't believe these comments.  You really mean that, if your own brother did this, you'd just shrug your shoulders? This would never be the case between my brother and me. He'd come running, with a big grin on his face, saying " Guess what! ....," and we'd split the cash. Even if he'd just wanted to give the collection away, he'd have told me first.

Malthusian

The OP gave their coins away because they didn't think they were worth anything at the time (otherwise they'd've sold them, or at least kept the valuable ones). Their brother has done all the work of maintaining and storing the collection and borne the risk of keeping them instead of selling immediately and reinvesting.

This is no different from "I sold some land to someone 10 years ago for buttons and it's since become extremely valuable due to planning permission, how much do they owe me".

The OP wasn't making an entirely selfless gift to the brother (that would have involved selling the collection and giving them the cash). They were freeing up space and passing on the work of maintaining the collection and/or the work of selling it.

tain said:

I also think a vast majority of people completely forget the 'moral' aspect of these dilemmas. The legal aspect has little bearing, and in this case there is a significant moral obligation to at least discuss sharing the profits with the OP.

If the dilemma had been "My brother gave me a coin collection some years ago and I'm going to sell it, should I share the profits" there might be some point in discussing the morality.

The important question for the OP is not whether their brother should give them any of the proceeds, the question is how to come to terms with the possibility that the brother gives them none or little. Pointing out that they made a free gift and the brother has no legal obligation may help. "He's a selfish so-and-so but he's within his rights so sucks to be you" covers both the moral and the legal aspects but doesn't seem more helpful to me.

Unless I'm weird in being brought up to think selling certain gifts is disrespectful? 

Yes, that's weird. Giving up control + remaining emotionally invested in outcome = inevitable misery. (Cf Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer.) If you would object to someone doing anything with their property, don't give it to them.

If you want someone to have the use of something but retain control you can loan it to them.

pixiebel81

Why not offer to do all the hard work, photograph everything, list them online, deal with hagglers and post them when sold for a cut of the profits?

paulashergraham

I gave my Grandson a box of coins I'd never looked at and he found one that was worth quite a lot.  Would I expect him to share the sale proceeds with me?  Of course not.  There's no difference here: You gave your Brother something you didn't want and he can do what he wants with it.

Bjter

The coin collection was a gift. Everything is cause and effect, so what we give out comes back to us, so we are all reponsible for our thoughts, actions and deeds.

jegs

Would the question be the same had you sold them to your brother ?  Everything has a worth and that worth can increase as well as decrease over time.  Just because these coins have increased in value during your brother's ownership, is that sufficient reason to expect a financial gain on your part.  Would you have compensated him if their value had actually fallen ?  NO...I think not  !!  You freely gave these coins to your brother to do as he wished and there the 'problem' ends.  They are now his and no longer yours, so how inconsiderate are you to believe that you could gain from your own brother's good fortune ?  You actually should be pleased that you brother has kept them all this time and that he had not got rid of them a long time ago. 

DorsetDave3

No, and its up to him whether he feels he can give you a share

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Pollycat

tain said:

Pollycat said:

tain said:

Pollycat said:

tain said:

I get what everyone is saying about this being a 'gift', but I don't think it quite works like that with family. Not in my family, at least.

The OP clearly didn't give his brother cold hard cash to do what he wanted with - he gave him a collection of coins with the intention of enjoying it for it's prime purpose. In my family, if the brother no longer wants it, it then goes to a family member who does. 

If it was a birthday or  Christmas gift, whereby the item itself isn't really important, just the sentiment of giving a gift, then fine - sell and keep the profits. But this isn't that - this is sharing something you've worked to procure and curate, which you felt another family member would enjoy. 

The originator of the dilemma didn't say "he gave him a collection of coins with the intention of enjoying it for it's prime purpose."
He/she said they lost interest in the collection.

I wonder if this question would have been asked if the originator of the dilemma hadn't "now discovered some of the coins are very valuable."

So is the natural conclusion that he's giving them to his brother to sell for profit, or because his brother might actually have an interest in them? The OP could have easily sold them themselves or held them for profit at a later date. Selling them was at no point in their plans. 

No one starts a coin collection without an awareness of value. Even if it's not your prime purpose for starting the collection, you know that the value of the coins can change. But this does also show that the OP should have been a bit clearer on this when giving the collection to someone else. 

Nobody really knows why he gave them to his brother - other than the stated fact that he/she 'lost interest'.
We were not party to the discussion between the siblings and unless the originator of the dilemma pops up and clarifies, we're not likely to know why the coin collection was given away.

So...why didn't the originator of the dilemma sell them? Maybe he/she just wanted the collection out of the house. We don't know why and are unlikely to find out why.

Without knowledge of the 'I don't want these, you can have them' conversation I don't think there is a 'moral obligation' at all.
If I gift someone something, it is theirs to keep, sell or scrap.
It is the person who receives the gift who has control of any profit resulting from that gift.
Not the donor.

I get that, if you feel that the sentiment of just giving a gift is the only thing that counts, then they can do what they want. You might as well give a gift card or cold hard cash if that's the case.

I just give cash if there's no sentiment in the gift itself, or I ask what they would like to be bought. If I give something I've worked hard for or put a lot of time into procuring, I'm giving more than a faceless item to be thrown away or sold as the owner pleases. I'd expect my family and friends to value that, hence the moral obligation, hence it being here in the moral money dillemas.

I do both as and when it suits me.
Give cold hard cash (never a gift card - Martin advises against them, doncha know) and a gift with sentiment.
But whether I give cold hard cash or a gift with sentiment, that gift is for the person to do whatever they want with.
Once I've given it, it ceases to be any of my business.
Of course, I wouldn't like to think that my sibling had sold a vintage (50 year old) silver bangle that I looked for long and hard over many months with the same hallmark as the year of her birth.
But if she did sell it, so be it.

I can't see the moral dilemma here (although to be fair, I can't see the dilemma in most of them).

BethP

No, you gave your Brother your coin collection, so you have no legitimate claim on any future profit 

fifty-something

!!!!!!!  Which bit of "I gave it to him" are you having trouble with?!