Facing up and time for action

Catty89 · 4 September 2021 at 8:53PM

Aww you sound a great hands on Dad

I feel quite sorry for you reading this tbh sounds like your trying so hard for your family but eventually you could crack if your not getting any help.
Maybe you should show her the debts...it wont be nice but then maybe she realises that a hobby that costs £18,000 per year is a tad....selfish?!? I don't know but im sure this is where alot of the money is going missing. Imagine how fast your debts would go down if this was even cut down by a third.

Sorry I know that is rude to say about your wife please dont take offence.

improving47 · 5 September 2021 at 1:00AM

Wishing you luck and looking forward to following you're journey! You are making a great net income, can I ask what your job is?

Lykke · 5 September 2021 at 8:09AM

I had a feeling horses may have been the hobby

Speaking from experience, yes they’re expensive but nowhere near £18k a year expensive. How many does she have?

Sorry to be blunt but how would she feel if you took on a hobby that costed that much? Why should you go to work to support the family whilst she works to provide for the horses (and even then you’re further subsidising it). She’s very fortunate that you earn such a good wage.

Horses themselves (whilst in good health!) are as cheap or expensive as you make them. Providing they are well fed, have shelter and regular farrier appointments, they couldn’t care less whether they’re kept on the best competition yard or a farm. As long as they are safe and healthy that’s the most important thing. It’s the lifestyle that gets mega expensive rather than the horses themselves (again as long as they’re healthy!!! I’ve been stung for £ks in vets bill

) Admittedly costs for hay, livery and farriers vary depending where in the country you are, but even so £18k a year is excessive.

I’m sure your wife would be making more £ savvy choices if she had other financial responsibilities. Cutting the additional £250 would be a good start.

I’m really sorry if this all sounds harsh and I’m in no way bashing your wife - I get it, I love my horses and will do anything to keep them, but I think your wife needs to see the affect this is having on you and ultimately your family.

rigare11a · 28 September 2021 at 4:56PM

Hey Dan - how you getting on?

Hazelnutty · 28 September 2021 at 7:02PM

HoneyRoastedParsnip said:

From other posts they tend towards children not being used as a reason to avoid conflict as they probably know about issues anyway and the good of the kids is probably not unhappy adults around them. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6290183/i-am-trying-really-hard-and-my-husband-just-isnt#latest

I thought of this diary too. Similar kind of manipulation and use of arguments/hostility as a way of ensuring they get their own way. With teenage kids too how do these partners justify contributing so little to the household, leaving their OHs to shoulder the burden of earning money, managing finances and keeping a fragile peace and constantly ensuring that their interests trump everyone else's? I was really gobsmacked Das' wife has a PT income but expects to use it *all* on herself, plus receiving an allowance for her horses, plus taking his cards and expecting him to cover clothes and indulgences. How she does the mental contortions to justify this to herself must be quite something!

HoneyRoastedParsnip · 28 September 2021 at 8:46PM

Some people are unknowingly selfish - almost addict-like. I have been and I guess in some ways I still am but like to think my family is covered first.

DasDachs · 1 October 2021 at 4:05PM

Hi everyone, apologies for the lack of responses, had a fairly trying couple of weeks so I haven't been online much at all. I'll try and respond to some of the posts over the weekend. Last month money-wise was pretty good I thought and I ended the month at £57560 (down from £58433 at the end of the preceding month). Current debt balance is £56889.26, with payments to Tesco, RBS and Virgin credit cards to happen later in the month, so I'd like to be at around £56400 by the end of October.

I've managed to keep up the weekly shopping savings and have also been rounding down my current account each day and transferring this and the shopping savings into my Christmas savings pot - that's now at £454 having been at £0 at the start of Sept and well on track for having £600 put aside (that's an absolute eye opener!).

There's still a long way to go here, but since getting onboard with MSE to track things better and focus on spending, I have added nothing to credit cards, continued to pay things down with a focus on the Virgin cc and also build up a bit of a savings pot for Christmas. Happy days!