Ex wants to name my current gf on divorce

T.T.D

Adultery:

In the eyes of the family law, yes. If you’re separated from your husband or wife and you sleep with another person of the opposite sex this is adultery under English and Welsh family law because you are still legally married.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve agreed with your spouse to see other people, if you do it on holiday abroad, if they’ve done it first, or even if you’ve moved in with your new partner. It’s still adultery. Your husband or wife can use your adultery as the basis of a divorce petition as its one of the five facts that can be used to prove that a marriage has broken down beyond repair even 2 years on.

Are you obligated to give your GF details? No your under no compulsion to do so. If she wants it she’s going have to do some detective work. 

You could both just agree to divorce on the 2 year period buttoning up your finances first, OR wait 5 years if you don’t want a “fault based” reason to divorce and divorce upon a period of separation basis. 

Savvy_Sue

I'd hang on until next year when No Fault divorce should become a thing ... 

https://www.nelsonslaw.co.uk/no-fault-divorce-laws/#:~:text=The%20Government%20has%20confirmed%20that,of%206th%20April%202022.

sassyblue

74jax said:

I believe it is classed as adultery, as you are married still? I might be way off the mark though.

No, you are absolutely correct. It’s still adultery even if you have separated AND you can petition for divorce more than six months after discovering about the adultery IF the adultery is still continuing.

OP, Only you know why your wife wants to name the person you are in a relationship with but I can tell you it counts for nothing really. Divorce petitions are private in family law and therefore no one outside the marriage will be aware she’s been named anyway. 

If your wife wants to be petty so be it, who petitions for divorce is irrelevant too imo.  The most important factors of divorce are the welfare of any children and that the financial split is fair to both parties. People often get bogged down in these petty details because they don’t know the law and think these things matter.  They don’t.

tell her you’re happy to remain married, then wait five years and divorce her instead or tell your wife she can divorce you citing adultery as long as the person is unnamed. Again, it means nothing and any financial split will not be unfair to you as a result.

TBagpuss

MovingForwards said:

You've been separated for nearly 2 years and are now dating someone who you didn't leave your wife for, her application will fail.

To use Adultery to obtain a divorce you must;

• File for divorce within six months of finding out about the adultery taking place.

As others have said, wait until it gets to 2 years and submit the application yourself.

This is n't correct, and her application would not necessarily fail.

It is still adultery, as the definition of adultery is having sex with another woman (if you are a man) while you are still legally married. 

You have also misunderstood the 6 month rule. You cannot rely on adultery if you continue to live with your spouse (or reconcile and return to live with them) for 6 months for longer, after learning f the adultery. There is nothing to stop you divorcing on the basis of adultery even if you have been separated for more than 6 months, or more than 6 months after you learned about the adultery provided you didn't continue to live as a couple. 

However, the previous posters are correct that it neither normal nor necessary to name your partner and I would not provide her details.

I would suggest that you respond to your ex and say that you propose the two of your divorce on the basis of 2 years separation as soon as the two years is up (give the date) . You could laso day (mark your letter 'without prejudice' that you would be willing to cooperate to allow a petition to go forward based on adultery on condition that:
1. She does not name your partner
2. that the details simply state that she earned you you had committed adultery with an unnamed woman and finds it intolerable to live with you 
3. that she does not seek to claim any divorce costs from you 

Alternatively you could issue your own petition on the basis of 'unreasonable behaviour' 

TBagpuss

Just to add - she will find it difficult to divorce you on the basis of adultery without your cooperation. It is not enough to be able to prove that you are in a relationship, she has to be able to prove that you have been having sex.

It's vanishingly rare for an adultery petition to be issued unless it is by agreement with the person having committed the adultery being willing to admit to it (as their admission is sufficient evidence)  

And if she wants to name your partner then that means that the partner has to be served with all the paperwork and to cooperate to allow the divorce to go through. 

oystercatcher

I divorced my Ex for adultery with Unknown Woman, with his agreement. Apparently The Old Bag didn't like being named on divorce petitions !  So if you just want to get on with the rest of your life maybe that could be the answer.

Spendless

I'd be wary of this. Around 20 years ago, my friend's husband had (yet another) affair. This time with her mate. My friend started divorce proceedings. She was told by someone 'oh my husband did that, left me for my friend, so I named her in our divorce and sent the pair of them the bill' My friend called her solicitor (I was in the room at the time, but obviously only heard friend talking not the reply) and then told me that her solicitor had said yes this was something she could do. I believe it got as far as form filled out and sent to her husband ant the other woman. Then friend had errant husband got back together before the divorce was finalised, so I believe their household ended up paying the legal bills they'd incurred anyway.

Ok, it's 20 years ago. I'm no longer in touch with this friend and she might have not told me the whole story, but it's possible that your ex has heard a similar story 

MalMonroe

I divorced my husband years ago on the grounds of adultery, he actually was seeing his next wife before he left home and I named her in my divorce proceedings. I later really regretted it. It doesn't serve any purpose and I just did it because I was hurt and really upset. And now my husband is living in another country with his fourth wife (I was the first and we had a child together - I was very disappointed on my child's behalf too). I gained nothing from 'naming and shaming'  - other than having her name plastered on all the court papers which I kept for a while just to prove my marital status. So it didn't do me any good.

With the best will in the world you may not stay with your current girlfriend either. So no, don't give your wife any details, it's not essential and just causes more bother.

You'll be able to divorce anyway and who cares if you're not divorced now if you're in a happy relationship? Marriage isn't the be all and end all, just ask my ex. I think marriage must lose its significance when you've been through it four times. Or is that just me being cynical?

Your wife's probably just feeling hurt and excluded and that's normal. I've been in a similar situation and she will get over it, eventually. Just say no. Kindly but firmly. If I were you I'd not want to rush into another marriage anyway. No point these days. 

Jude57

When my marriage broke down my ex husband started the divorce ball rolling and in the papers alleged my adultery with 'numerous' unnamed people, on 'numerous' occasions, at 'numerous' locations. This because I'd had the temerity to leave him and refused to go back. I had good reason to believe he would name all my male work colleagues (we worked for the same employer and a headed list of their names was found on his desk) so had the unenviable ordeal of having to speak to my boss and HR to warn them. Happily for me, my colleagues and employers took it seriously and basically said 'publish and be sued'. 

I gave a lot of thought to fighting the allegations in court but eventually decided not to. I suppose that in future some genealogist may read those allegations as true and reach conclusions about my character but otherwise it's had absolutely no impact on my life whatsoever.

sassyblue

Jude57 said:

I gave a lot of thought to fighting the allegations in court but eventually decided not to.

 I suppose that in future some genealogist may read those allegations as true and reach conclusions about my character but otherwise it's had absolutely no impact on my life whatsoever.

You don’t fight the allegations in court. If you decided not to agree all the judge needs to determine is has the marriage broken down and can your husband proceed with his petition.  The facts would have determined yes the marriage has broken down (it’s not difficult to say the marriage has broken down when one person is attempting to divorce the other) but your husband's petition wouldn’t have been allowed, therefore, he would have been advised to submit a new petition presumably citing your unreasonable behaviour.

the family court is NOTHING like a criminal court. 

I do remember one potential divorce by a husband who was incensed that his wife was 'getting away' with her alleged adultery. He was planning on inviting their neighbours and family to the court and was beside himself with rage that he wasn’t going to receive 'justice'.  He would not accept that he wasn’t able to cross examine his wife in court who had besmirched his 'good name'.   He ran up a quite considerable bill with the lawyer I worked for and then flounced to another solicitor because he wasn’t getting what he wanted.  He was extremely rich and as mad as a hatter.  I often wonder if they ever did get divorced.