Ex wants to name my current gf on divorce

salesman1979

My wife and I separated almost 2 years ago and have recently discussed a divorce. She doesn’t want to divorce but has agreed as long as she divorces me rather than me divorcing her. 

I have a gf who I have been seeing for a few months now and my wife has decided that this is classed as adultery and she wants her full name and address so that she can be named on the divorce. My ex is very irrational and I strongly suspect that the reason she wants her info is so that she can contact her directly. 

Is what she’s saying correct? Do I have to give her anything?

Nyarlathotep

Naming a co-respondent on a divorce petition isn't something that is normally done these days

So no, there is no need to give your ex any such information

Racky_Roo

If you wait until you have been separated 2 years you can divorce without a reason, you file it under 2 years separation and consent to divorce but what's key is you both need to agree to divorce.

calleyw

Your ex is trying to score points and be in control and you could be right to harass your gf.  Most grown ups just get on with the divorce.  If there are children/assets/property/pensions its going to get messy.  So not sure of the point of this.  Don't give her the information.  Also the fact that you are separated and have only started seeing your gf since the separation got nothing to do with the divorce.

I wish you well.  if you can tough it out then wait 5 years and you can do it anyway no issues and no consent from her.  best of luck

74jax

I believe it is classed as adultery, as you are married still? I might be way off the mark though.

Ultimately if you want rid, it doesn't matter really who divorces who, just let her divorce you. But make sure you have all the financial side sorted, so she can't come back at any point in the future.

As for wanting to contact your current gf, if she does she is clearly not over the situation and would reflect extremely badly on her.

I'd try and hold out giving the gf info (does the ex get to see it?). Once you are divorced, walk away head held high and let her get on with any left over resentment she has herself. 

MovingForwards

You've been separated for nearly 2 years and are now dating someone who you didn't leave your wife for, her application will fail.

To use Adultery to obtain a divorce you must;

• File for divorce within six months of finding out about the adultery taking place.

As others have said, wait until it gets to 2 years and submit the application yourself.

calleyw

74jax said:

I believe it is classed as adultery, as you are married still? I might be way off the mark though.
 

Possibly in a legal sense but all the grown ups in the room wont see it like that.  How long after separation does it count 10 years/20 years or for ever.  To me and I suspect most adults wont see it as adultery as it is not what caused the relationship to break down.  And that too me is what needs to go on the divorce petition.

I was separated never to get back with my husband when I started to date again. I was even living with my current partner when we got around to getting divorced.  And adultery never went down as the reason. Its called moving on from a broken relationship. Thats what grown ups do.  Seems the Op's ex is not an adult if she going down this route.

As I said if the OP can wait another 3 years he does not have to get her permission.  So its his choice.

74jax

calleyw said:

74jax said:

I believe it is classed as adultery, as you are married still? I might be way off the mark though.
 

Possibly in a legal sense but all the grown ups in the room wont see it like that.  How long after separation does it count 10 years/20 years or for ever.  To me and I suspect most adults wont see it as adultery as it is not what caused the relationship to break down.  And that too me is what needs to go on the divorce petition.

I was separated never to get back with my husband when I started to date again. I was even living with my current partner when we got around to getting divorced.  And adultery never went down as the reason. Its called moving on from a broken relationship. Thats what grown ups do.  Seems the Op's ex is not an adult if she going down this route.

As I said if the OP can wait another 3 years he does not have to get her permission.  So its his choice.

That's why I said 'possibly'. I am not a lawyer.

I wasn't answering to the grown ups in the room. I was answering to the op when he said his ex classed his new gf as adultery and using that for the divorce.

Answering for the grown ups, those at the back or even the next doors cat doesn't really make much odds to the op, it's the legal side.

He needs out, financial closure and block her. 

calleyw

74jax said:

calleyw said:

74jax said:

I believe it is classed as adultery, as you are married still? I might be way off the mark though.
 

Possibly in a legal sense but all the grown ups in the room wont see it like that.  How long after separation does it count 10 years/20 years or for ever.  To me and I suspect most adults wont see it as adultery as it is not what caused the relationship to break down.  And that too me is what needs to go on the divorce petition.

I was separated never to get back with my husband when I started to date again. I was even living with my current partner when we got around to getting divorced.  And adultery never went down as the reason. Its called moving on from a broken relationship. Thats what grown ups do.  Seems the Op's ex is not an adult if she going down this route.

As I said if the OP can wait another 3 years he does not have to get her permission.  So its his choice.

That's why I said 'possibly'. I am not a lawyer.

I wasn't answering to the grown ups in the room. I was answering to the op when he said his ex classed his new gf as adultery and using that for the divorce.

Answering for the grown ups, those at the back or even the next doors cat doesn't really make much odds to the op, it's the legal side.

He needs out, financial closure and block her. 

Then maybe don't reply.  As moving forwards stated adultery can't be used.  it was not the reason for the marriage failing after being separated for nearly 2 years.  How long do YOU think it should be allowed to used as a petition on a divorce after being separated?

And yes its about replying to the adults in the room as the OP seems to be reasonable adult.  Who has moved on.  His ex can't.  She can try and do what she wants but its not going to work and pretty sure on the paper work it does not ask for names and address of the person you have comitted adultery with so she has no need for them. 

So if I was the OP.  Do not provide any details and let your ex get on with it and see where it gets her.

74jax

calleyw said:

74jax said:

calleyw said:

74jax said:

I believe it is classed as adultery, as you are married still? I might be way off the mark though.
 

Possibly in a legal sense but all the grown ups in the room wont see it like that.  How long after separation does it count 10 years/20 years or for ever.  To me and I suspect most adults wont see it as adultery as it is not what caused the relationship to break down.  And that too me is what needs to go on the divorce petition.

I was separated never to get back with my husband when I started to date again. I was even living with my current partner when we got around to getting divorced.  And adultery never went down as the reason. Its called moving on from a broken relationship. Thats what grown ups do.  Seems the Op's ex is not an adult if she going down this route.

As I said if the OP can wait another 3 years he does not have to get her permission.  So its his choice.

That's why I said 'possibly'. I am not a lawyer.

I wasn't answering to the grown ups in the room. I was answering to the op when he said his ex classed his new gf as adultery and using that for the divorce.

Answering for the grown ups, those at the back or even the next doors cat doesn't really make much odds to the op, it's the legal side.

He needs out, financial closure and block her. 

Then maybe don't reply.  As moving forwards stated adultery can't be used.  it was not the reason for the marriage failing after being separated for nearly 2 years.  How long do YOU think it should be allowed to used as a petition on a divorce after being separated?

And yes its about replying to the adults in the room as the OP seems to be reasonable adult.  Who has moved on.  His ex can't.  She can try and do what she wants but its not going to work and pretty sure on the paper work it does not ask for names and address of the person you have comitted adultery with so she has no need for them. 

So if I was the OP.  Do not provide any details and let your ex get on with it and see where it gets her.

Don't reply? Because I'm not a lawyer?  It's in the rules if you need legal advice this isn't where you get it, it's a forum.

I wanted to reply so I did, why on earth wouldn't I. Just because I'm not a lawyer?

How long do I think it should be allowed to be used as a reason? I don't even think it should, to be honest, if you want to divorce I (personally) think you should be able to.  Adultery is outdated, yes I know that's my opinion, but I think to me once the marriage is over, it's over. People move on and get into new relationships. I'm not sure if it was the 'reason' for the breakdown of the marriage, even then I think perhaps not. But I've never been in that position - maybe if I had I'd want to shout it from the rooftops and drag it through court 🙈, but I think not... 🤔 .

I do, however, think contributions to posts is useful, even if not knowing the 'correct' outcome and having no legal knowledge. Sometimes you can contribute in other ways, maybe even the op knowing others agree his ex is in the wrong if she wants to contact the new gf is of help (even tho he knows it himself). 

The more replies a post gets the more we all learn. If the first reply fully answered the op everytime, I guess we'd all be scuppered....... Unless it is an mse dilemma, now that would be handy..... 

anotheruser

Another classic example of someone having an opinion and feels the need to give it.
Just take your petty arguments to Messaging...
Making it public does nothing to help the OP.