Money Moral Dilemma: Should I send a gift even though I was uninvited from the wedding?

Malthusian

Would MSE mind clarifying whether we should answer the dilemma in the thread title or the dilemma in the full post, which are totally different?

(The first is "Should I withhold a gift as retaliation for not being invited to a party", the second is "I want to give a gift but should I give it now or later or both".)

Malthusian

Carol2000 said:

What on earth are you doing giving gifts of £500! A wedding should be about celebrating with people you care about - so something thoughtful worth £25 is fine or perhaps up to £50 for a close friend or relative. If they object to that then they're not worth keeping in touch with. 

People can give whatever amount they like. For some people £500 is a modest gift, for others it would be life-changing. HMRC's definition of an extravagant wedding gift (extravagant enough that Inheritance Tax could be levied on it if the giver dies within seven years) is £1,000, or more for direct descendants.

JayD

Personally, I think a wedding gift should be given at the wedding (or at least sent to them to receive and open on their wedding day).

If they have a party later on, as a special celebration because not all guests could come to the actual wedding then I would take a bottle

primrose_penguin

It depends how close a friend they are. If they are a close friend I would send a Congratulations card saying you understand they had to have a smaller wedding due to Covid but would like them to accept the enclosed gift and you look forward to the future celebration, then when and if the time comes for the party you do not need to take anything as you have already covered it, you could then always take a nice bottle of wine with you if you choose. If they are not a close friend I would send a Congratulations card saying you look forward to the upcoming celebration, and then when and if that happens you can take a gift with you.

crmism

Wait until the party. You weren't invited to the wedding, so there's no need to think about a gift for that.

anotheruser

People need to stop thinking of gift giving as a transaction (IE, what do I get in return?).

Buy someone a gift because you want to make them happy, not to see what you'll get in return.

BethP

I’d send a lovely card to them for their wedding then take a gift to their party

GaleSF63

Wedding gifts are traditionally to help the couple set up home. If they haven't been living together before, then this happened when they got married, not after the party, so this is the time for the gift if you decide to give one. And that depends on whether you want to, not whether you feel obliged. At party time you can take a bottle of wine as you would normally to a party, just maybe up it a bit to something rather better than plonk especially if you haven't already given a gift.

Marvel1

Congratulations card and then turn up the party as normal, no gift, it's not mandatory.

MaryNB

I was uninvited to two weddings because of Covid restrictions. I sent both couples a gift. Never occurred to me to do otherwise. I never even thought about waiting to see if they had a party later on. One couple ended up not having a party later, the other couple did but I couldn't attend.