Dilemma - WWYD?

BriNylon

A friend of mine had to let a builder into her daughter’s flat which she shares with her boyfriend.  His diary was lying around and she read it.  In the diary she discovered that six months ago his mother attempted suicide by claiming she was going to jump from the top of a car park.  Police involved etc.  I say claimed because friend is convinced the attempt was not real but an attempt to get people (husband in particular) to feel sorry for her.  
Does the daughter need to know this? If so, how does friend tell daughter without admitting to snooping?  It was either on the local news or on a facebook page at the time and it would have been easy to identify her.  Boyfriends mother does not live in the same local area.  I think she only found that bit out by digging.  Not quite sure how old but daughter late twenties. 

comeandgo

What a despicable thing to do, how dare she read a diary.   How does she know her daughter does not know, she possibly does but not told her mother as she suspects her mother is not to be trusted.

Marvel1

Tell your "friend" to stop snooping on other people personal items.

If your "friend" wants to maintain any kind of relationship/trust then keep it zipped and never bring it up.

BriNylon

I have to say I was equally horrified when she told me what she had done and I told her so.  I now realise I was being quite judgemental. We have all done something we regret and let he who is without sin cast the first stone etc.  I was so horrified I could not think what to say that was in any way helpful.  She is in a bit of a turmoil and I wish I had not been so judgemental and could have given an opinion.  That is why I want other opinions about the way forward. 
Eg what if daughter finds a out mum knew all along and hadn’t told her. 

Savvy_Sue

Why would mum assume that her DD doesn't know about this already? I would suggest to your friend that that's the most likely situation, that the reasons her DD didn't share with her is that it is none of her business, that the further digging she did was unnecessary and perhaps explains why DD did NOT share this with her. 

Judgemental, possibly, but if you find things out you're not supposed to know then you have to live with it and learn to zip your lips. 

BrassicWoman

If I were the daughter, I'd stop talking to my mother, Because if she's snooped once, she's snooped before.
If I were the mother I'd re-examine my definition of trust.
If I were the friend of the mother, I'd tell her she's crossed a lot of lines and needs to get a grip. And I'd have a think about what secrets of mine she could be gossiping about behind my back.

You feel you were judgemental? Good. That's an appropriate response!

[Deleted User]

BriNylon said:

A friend of mine had to let a builder into her daughter’s flat which she shares with her boyfriend.  His diary was lying around and she read it.  In the diary she discovered that six months ago his mother attempted suicide by claiming she was going to jump from the top of a car park.  Police involved etc.  I say claimed because friend is convinced the attempt was not real but an attempt to get people (husband in particular) to feel sorry for her.  
Does the daughter need to know this? If so, how does friend tell daughter without admitting to snooping?  It was either on the local news or on a facebook page at the time and it would have been easy to identify her.  Boyfriends mother does not live in the same local area.  I think she only found that bit out by digging.  Not quite sure how old but daughter late twenties. 

Not only has your friend snooped but she has divulged the contents of the diary to you and goodness knows how many others by now. I think the best way forward is for your friend to keep it zipped and take a good long hard look at herself in the mirror. 

I expect the daughter does know already anyway. 

sheramber

It is none of your friend's business what her daughter's partner's mother did or does.

She is also making judgements  about the mother.

Tell her to mind her own business.

How does she think her daughter would react if she told her how she found out? Does she think her daughter will thank her?

I certainly wouldn't be thanking her for snooping and gossiping about what she read.

The only way the daughter could find out that the mother knew is if the mother  ( or you), or anybody else the mother has told) told her.   

Your friend now has the burden of making sure she does not reveal what she did and what she now knows. That is the price she pays for her actions.

MalMonroe

Judgemental, we can be. Why? Because not only did this woman read someone else's diary but she then told someone else what was in it. 

What the daughter needs to be told is not to let her mother have the key to her flat.

What Would I Do? I'd dump that 'friend' like a hot potato. And I'd do it yesterday.  And if I were you and someone told me they'd read someone else's diary and then proceeded to recount the contents to me, I'd have had to tell them to stop. 

This is just shocking and shameful behaviour from all concerned. What is wrong with people???

Oh and this - " friend is convinced the attempt was not real but an attempt to get people (husband in particular) to feel sorry for her" - is just plain cruel. If you don't know why, I feel sorry for you.

74jax

Not many posts shock me, but this one does more. Its sickens me.

Why on earth would she do that. Why on earth would she tell you.

I would certainly never ever tell her anything every again as she clearly tells anyone anything.  I'd distance myself too. 

The daughter should, rightly, put her in her place of she is told. 

KxMx

My Mum thinks she knows all about me and my life.

She still speaks of her shock from 4 years ago when I arranged a surprise at her birthday party.

Didn't seem to think I was capable of having secrets from her. 

Obviously I was and perhaps your friend is not as involved in her daughters life as she'd like to think.