Ex neighbour asking for money 'refund'

endoftheworld99

Wasn't sure which heading to put this under so apologies if this isn't correct-first some back ground.
Mid 2013 we replaced the fence at the end of tour garden, ours to replace, and the one on the left side, again ours. We asked the elderly couple on our right if they minded if we replaced their fence, they were fine with this and the wife gave us £100 towards the cost. Initially she had said they'd go halves, but when we told her how much she said £100 was the most they could afford. They moved out in early 2015 into a retirement apartment near her family. Today we've received a letter from her saying that her husband died last year, money's tight and could we refund her the £100. 
I'm gob-smacked, and in a quandary. We're now retired, money's tighter than it used to be but regardless of that do we owe her this money? She points out in the letter that they moved out not long after the fence went up so didn't get much benefit!
I hate the thought of someone so hard-up for cash that they're asking for money back 8 years on, but also I think what a ***** cheek. A side note-the place they sold was £160K, the place they bought was £330K. My husband says she should sell up if she can't afford to live there, like the rest of us would have to.

molerat

Just ignore them.

twopenny

I'm inclined to agree with your husband.

It sounds a bit odd. I'd say someone has suggested it or she is so long out of the main stream of things that she doesn't realise how much time has passed.

Money does become tight when a patner passes, certainly while all the details are sorted out.

No reason why you should repay after all this time.

I'm very short of money thanks to the very low interest rates but I could ask my ex neighbours for a refund of the chimney protectors they wanted to put up 9mts before I moved - or my neighbour who'd replaced my fence while I was moving, promptly fell down and she promised to pay half then said she wouldn't.

Gavin83

I can’t see how £100 will make any difference at all to her financial situation.

Ultimately selling your house and buying another that’s twice the price when you’re retired is a terrible financial decision. She’ll need to accept that mistake and take steps to rectify it.

Rdwill

They got the advantage in the increased value of their property. The new fence could have made the deal.

Forget the 'emotional blackmail' Question is, do you want to give her £100?

Answer, probably not,

However if you want to give £100 away, there are plenty of other deserving causes

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/

MalMonroe

If you put yourself in this woman's shoes for a moment, you may feel a bit sorry for her. She has lost her husband of many years so she is now living alone during an unsettled time because of covid and she is probably trying to sort out all the things that have to be sorted out when someone dies. She may have come across some information about giving you £100 in the past for a fence she and her husband, to her mind, 'didn't get the benefit of' and thinks she'd like to have it back.

She may be suffering from some form of mental illness (although I'm not being judgemental here, it does happen) or she may really be needing some cash. Although from what you say, it doesn't seem like she or her husband were all that poor at the time they moved.

If it were me, I'd write back and say I was sorry to hear her husband had died but that things were not financially good for me and my family either and with regret, quite a lot of time has now passed and it isn't possible to return the money. 

I just think she's now a lonely old woman (you say she was elderly in 2013 and that's 8 years ago) and is to be pitied, rather than anything else. 

Kindness is the way forward here - a kind word or two goes a long way in situations like this. All it costs is the price of a stamp. (Rather than £100).

wegptrem

endoftheworld99 said:

We're now retired, money's tighter than it used to be but regardless of that do we owe her this money? She points out in the letter that they moved out not long after the fence went up so didn't get much benefit!

No, you don't.

I can tell you are upset, but try to think logically, they would not have got as much on the sale of their property if the fences were damaged and falling apart - therefore she has already had more than her investment back on the sale of their house in 2015

The £100 was not a loan.  It was part payment for something which everyone benefitted from, including this lady.

So no. legally and morally, you should not be expected to refund this lady a penny.

endoftheworld99 said:

She points out in the letter that they moved out not long after the fence went up so didn't get much benefit!
I hate the thought of someone so hard-up for cash that they're asking for money back 8 years on

As upset as you obviously are, please don't allow emotional blackmail to cloud your judgement.

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

endoftheworld99 said:

A side note-the place they sold was £160K, the place they bought was £330K. My husband says she should sell up if she can't afford to live there, like the rest of us would have to.

I agree with your husband. 

molerat said:

Just ignore them.

And I heartily agree with molerat !

Bin the letter and try to forget you ever received it.

Doozergirl

I really think you should ignore her. 

I feel what MalMonroe is saying, but no way would I even get myself into the conversation, especially if mental health is in the mix.  

You paid for the majority of a shared fence and then their buyer paid them for it again in their valuation of the property.  She's received her £100 and more already.  

TELLIT01

I would simply ignore the letter.  I understand what MalMunroe is saying but all that is likely to happen is a continuing string of letters putting on more and more of a sob story.  I may be wrong but the whole thing smells of another family member stirring things up.

Section62

MalMonroe said:

I just think she's now a lonely old woman (you say she was elderly in 2013 and that's 8 years ago) and is to be pitied, rather than anything else. 

In general I'd agree with the kindness 'approach', but in this case the "near her family" comment suggests the lonely old woman assumption is wide of the mark (albeit you can live near some family members and still be lonely).

That's why I'd be a +1 to the idea that a family member or other person is behind the letter.  It could be a classic case of husband dying and offspring stepping in to manage mum's affairs because dad always did it.  An audit of the parent's 'budget' files reveals expenses the offspring doesn't approve of, so demands the elderly parent tries to recover the money.


The whole scenario is full of holes.  If the couple could only just afford £100 in 2013, how were they able to raise a further £170k less than two years later?  A lottery win, or a loan from the children?


At most I would reply with a note of condolences, but state that I am not in a position to agree to the request. (using wording like this which doesn't accept liability, rather than just claiming an inability to pay)

MACKEM99

Send a bill for he actual cost -£100.