Former friend sends insensitive messages in sympathy cards

T.T.D

elsien said:

T.T.D said:

briskbeats said:

T.T.D said:

74jax said:

T.T.D said:

You personally have not been contacted by her. 

It would be down to the individual to whom is offended and for police to look into their claims.

What would I do in this case? I would certainly be looking at Facebook friends list where you are all friends together with same person of whom you all don’t know or seen to be inconspicuous, looking for someone who never or rarely posts but is liking and or sharing yours and friendship group posts and removing old accounts of people whom you know have new or regularly use another account. 

You know what this person is like so ignoring them and trying to cut them socially would be the best advise.

For an unwanted sympathy card..... 

It would depend upon the contents and context of the message, if it were unwanted unwarranted and offensive in it’s entirety  it would be down to the person who it was sent to to take action. 

It's easy for anyone to say it would be down to the receiver to take action and to say her card is unwanted etc. The friends that have received cards from S when they are grieving, haven't got the substance to explain to S that her card and message (maybe with a newspaper clipping or two) are insensitive, Then weeks later, they find it too late to contact her.

Before the pandemic, S used to turn up to funerals unwanted too. 

But you also do not have the courage to tell her she’s being insensitive, you do not want her repercussions, you fear a very real threat of her retaliation do you not? 

You are offended on your colleagues behalf as they have no substance as you put it to do anything, but do not wish to be the spear of head of taking action and telling her of her insensitivities. 

  

Now that bit about fearing a threat of retaliation really is putting words in the OPs mouth. 

Some people are just polite, avoid disputes, and hate having to say something the other person probably  won’t like. It doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that. 

The OP literally stated she worried about backlash in page 1. 

elsien

No, they said they were concerned it could backfire on them. We could argue semantics but backfire to me is not the same as fearing a very real threat of retaliation.

T.T.D

elsien said:

No, they said they were concerned it could backfire on them. We could argue semantics but backfire to me is not the same as fearing a very real threat of retaliation.

In your opinion not in mine, I respect that you hold this opinion. 

MalMonroe

Sadly, the person sending insensitive cards/messages sounds mentally ill to me. It could be because I worked a psychiatric hospital for many years - but she is acting like someone who has some kind of disorder which means she is unable to temper her responses to any event. 

You say she is cut off from everyone or that they have all fallen out with her and it sounds as if she has no friends and is left out of everything (no wonder, she has obviously been insensitive for many years).

A relative of mine has recently been diagnosed with a debilitating and deteriorating mental condition which means she is not able to display the niceties that most of us can manage - maybe that is what this S suffers from.

Maybe someone could contact her in a friendly way, rather than an aggressive way, to just have a chat with her and then lead into a conversation about why she sends the messages and cards she does when someone has died? She may be really lonely. But I don't think she's well. If she's asked in a nice way to please stop sending cards containing insensitive messages/cuttings, she may get the message. 

Vikipollard

...or perhaps she's just mean.  Bin them and move on; don't dwell.