Former friend sends insensitive messages in sympathy cards

briskbeats

My colleagues used to be friends with a a former colleague (lets refer her as S) who we fell out with due to her lying. Plus she became racist.This happened 6 years ago.

She also had friends from other paths fallen out with her for similar reasons.

The problem is when one of her former friends or their partners dies, she sends them a sympathy card. The message in the card is always insensitive and horrible. We don’t know how S finds out who has died as she’s not on any social media or she’s a technophobe. Plus most of the deaths aren’t listed in deaths in the local paper.

Someone needs to tell S to stop sending sympathy cards to people she knew many years ago. These cards are unwanted. One of the latest deaths was from Covid 19 and S posted along with the card, a couple of articles from the Daily Mail. This really angered my friend. 

What can we do to prevent this unwanted upset again?

Pollycat

How do you think she's finding out about these deaths when you say "she’s not on any social media or she’s a technophobe".

Who is this 'someone' that you feel needs to tell this woman to stop sending cards?

Do you have any means of contacting her and telling her straight out that your circle of friends do not welcome these cards?

briskbeats

I do have a contact number for her. I worry if I am the one asking her to stop the cards, it will backfire on me 

74jax

briskbeats said:

I do have a contact number for her. I worry if I am the one asking her to stop the cards, it will backfire on me 

In what way will it backfire, you aren't friends anyway.

I had a card from someone I didn't like, didn't speak too and quite frankly didn't want the card. I opened it, didn't read it, binned it. End of.

Why does someone need to tell her? Just move on. Ignore. 

sassyblue

I think you’re going to get some great replies, print them out and put them in a 'thank you' card for her, unsigned. 

Pollycat

briskbeats said:

I do have a contact number for her. I worry if I am the one asking her to stop the cards, it will backfire on me 

What do you fear she may do?

elsien

You’ve not had any cards from her; it’s not down to you to tell her to back off, or otherwise. If your friend is so angry, why can’t she tell her, 

I have a slightly odd relative who is into sending “meaningful” letters and articles from the paper. They are spectacularly misjudged at times (I think at one point her unintended message was that a person’s children would have been better of in care) but she’s not doing it to be offensive, she thinks she is being helpful. We just roll our eyes that S is at it again. 

Binning them and moving is best, knowing that the person is taking out of their rear end.
Although I’m suspecting a much bigger picture here that we’re not quite hearing all of. 

68ComebackSpecial

She may well be on social media - just not using a name you would recognise as her.

I have a friend who, owing to the nature of her job, uses a fake name on Facebook and other social media. She is very active on many platforms but if you searched for her you would draw a blank.

Pollycat

elsien said:

You’ve not had any cards from her; it’s not down to you to tell her to back off, or otherwise. If your friend is so angry, why can’t she tell her, 

Good point.

Why are you considering being that 'someone' who fires the bullets that someone else is manufacturing?

gettingtheresometime

68ComebackSpecial said:

She may well be on social media - just not using a name you would recognise as her.

I have a friend who, owing to the nature of her job, uses a fake name on Facebook and other social media. She is very active on many platforms but if you searched for her you would draw a blank.

I agree with this - also it might be that she's connected to a friend that you aren't aware of (it always amazes me how many people I know that know other people I know but are from completely different parts of my life)

Is her handwriting distinctive? If so just bin the card without even opening it.

Lavendyr

Don't give her any satisfaction. Bin and move on.