Child Maintenance

T.T.D

Wandavision said:

T.T.D said:

CMS will decide what your entitled to based off what information is provided.

Don’t change days of contact, if he wishes to do so and you disagree he needs to go back to FC (family court), stick to the letter of the court order, if it isn’t working it isn’t working, you can apply for a variation of access order, this will grant you a hearing (with dad) to revisit what is and what isn’t working. 

My strong advice is stick with what the order states to the letter, if your harassed to go beyond what the order states then you revisit FC for a variation or possible new section 16(a) for cafcass to redo a report for the court for what dad and you and your child can reasonable do and want to have happen. 

Good luck 

There is no court order relating to access. We agreed in mediation to trial this as detailed above and to go back if it didn’t work out.

I was never happy with the second part of the trial but was willing to give it a go knowing he would fall on his face anyway. But him not sticking to what was agreed on the very first weekend just shows how it won’t ever work. He’s too selfish and disorganised to ever put anyone but himself first. 

My sincere apologies for the incorrect assumption of a court order.

The mutual agreement then is not working, you must contact the mediator assigned to you and inform them of the failure, and see if it can be resolved again in mediation, but it will most likely result in it being passed to court.  

stick to the mediation agreement. 

ZaSa1418

I imagine his bark is worse than his bite, lets see if he follows through but living 45 mins away i doubt he will be doing that trip 4 times in 2 days especially seeing how unreliable he has been so far. 

TBagpuss

I agree - contact the mediator to return to mediation to discuss further s the first stage hasn't worked, and if that is not productive, ask the mediator for the MIAM form to apply to the court.

Meanwhile, write to you ex and say you do not agree to moving to the new times he has suggested as the first stage has not worked, so the arrangements will need to be to continue the alternate weekends until you agree something new. 

Wandavision

All correspondence has been via WhatsApp so it’s all written. 

He won’t agree to anything I suggest. Everything has always been his way. He’ll just turn up at the school and have our son torn between choosing which one of us to go home with. 

sassyblue

Son spoke to me last night about missing me and wanting to come home when he was there but said Dad explained the 50/50 to him. He seemed accepting of it but he used all the phrases Dad continually uses to me when discussing it so I can’t help but feel he’s been pressured into going along with it. 

I don’t like the sound of this.  If your ex's behaviour is causing psychological harm to your son you can stop contact immediately. your ex should be letting your son come home to you if he wants to, not controlling him too.

if you stopped contact the onus is on him to go back to mediation for the MIAM form and proceed with a court application, if he can afford it….and that’s not to say it would go to court, you can decide to let your ex have your son as long as he promises to think of your sons welfare above his own.   A tad nasty but sometimes controlling people need putting in their place…

does your son have a mobile to contact you if he’s missing you? maybe he just needs to chat with you while he’s there?

Wandavision

He does have a mobile and we had a good chat on Sunday morning while Dad was in bed. He ended the call quite abruptly though, I’m guessing Dad walked in. 

Ex doesn’t have the money to go to court. He didn’t even have £12 to lend my son to buy a nerf gun at the weekend even though son has the cash at home and said he’d give it back to him today. 

The thing is he’s decided what’s happening now, he doesn’t care what anyone else wants. He will just turn up and collect son from school on what he considers his days. 

A large part of our relationship was me backing down and giving in to him because he’d just cause a scene in front of our son. I’d give in just to end the argument and to shield him from having to see it. He’ll do this at school, knowing I’ll back down. 

ZaSa1418

Can you speak to your sons school about this potential behaviour, my friend used to have the same kind of problem and her ex would kick off and he eventually got banned from school grounds. They were very helpful. 

T.T.D

You can show the school the mediation arrangements and make plans with school the best way forward in how to deal
with him showing up on days he isn’t supposed to have them.

perhaps arrange on the days he has them your child comes out normal time, on days he isn’t school arranges for him to be escorted and released out early at a separate set of gates to be collected by you and you only unless specified. If he turns up at the gate he isn’t supposed and argues police is called. 

TBagpuss

The school doesn't have any authority to stop his dad collecting him. However, you might be able to work round it - one option is to arrange with the school that you collect him a bit earlier than normal so you are there before his dad shows up, 

However, it's not sustainable - short term, I would send him written confirmation that as the contact has not worked well so far, you do NOT consent to it increasing and the arrangements are  [set out whatever you are able to agree to].

You may need to make your own application to the court if he doesn't, to ask for an order specifically stating that the children live with you and defining the contact they have with him. It is possible to get what is known as a Prohibited Steps Order - this is an order explicitly forbidding someone to do something, so it can be to say he is forbidden from removing the children from school except for contact as set out in the order - that gives the school the ability to stop them going with him if it isn't his day (or to make things simpler, you could look to have him collect them somewhere other than school so that there's a straightforward order he can't collect them from school at all.)

Spendless

Is 11yo off to Secondary school in September? If so, Dad turning up to collect may stop then anyway. Parents aren't usually in a Senior school yard to collect' their child/ren. Might make that situation different.  Meanwhile I'd take the advice given here.