Child Maintenance

Wandavision

My ex and I had agreed a plan for child access. Month 1 was to be to ease son in and month 2 was an increase to shared custody.

Month 1 has failed miserable with ex renegging on agreement right away and not having nights he was supposed to and then son not wanting to stay at his house for more than one night at a time.

I asked ex about child maintenance and he responded saying that as we are sharing custody there is no maintenance to pay but that he would seek advice. I assume he has now sought that advice as he is suddenly very keen to push forward with the shared custody agreement even though he hasn’t demonstrated any willing or ability to even do what was agreed in this first month. Son still doesn’t want to stay over more than one night at a time.

Even if the shared plan did miraculously work I am assuming that I would be tasked with supplying all of the clothes and school uniforms when son is at his dads and no doubt they’ll all come back to me dirty too! He hasn’t contributed a penny towards son since I told him I wanted to separate and divorce over a year ago.

At this stage should I just go ahead and put in a CMS claim?

ZaSa1418

Yes you should put in a claim 

TBagpuss

Yes, put a claim in. CMS can't backdate maintenance so you won't get anything for the time till now. If things change moving forward and your son does spend more time with his dad then you'd notify CMS of the change and they would recalculate moving forward. 

sassyblue

How old is your son and how is shared custody going to work? You have to factor in the upheaval for a child going from one house to another whilst studying at school, it can be a little disruptive for them even if it’s not intentional. 

What does your ex do for a job too? Can he take your son to and from school, what happens if your son is at his and he's ill and can’t attend school, does your ex have support in place to make shared custody work?

elsien

No need to be supplying clothes to keep at dads, he can buy and keep some there. Sibling got fed up of child arriving in tatty old clothes and going home in the new ones, never to be seen again, so a change out of clothes on arrival and back into them on departure system was implemented. Kids didn’t seem to mind. 

Wandavision

Son is 11. Dad doesn’t drive and lives about 45 minutes away via public transport and walking. Son already hates the journey. 

Shared custody is alternate weekends with 2 days each in the week, ultimately resulting in 5 straight days each on our respective weekends. It’ll never work but he’s overly difficult so I agreed in mediation knowing it would fail anyways then I can go to court for a more sensible outcome.

Dad says work will be flexible regarding his childcare needs although I suspect he hasn’t discussed it entirely with them as I just don’t see any employer being as accommodating as he needs, particularly for someone in a very low level job who can be easily replaced. 

Ex has no support network in place for anything. He still hasn’t commit to what he can offer during school holidays. I expect he wants to utilise me and my family during the daytimes then he can just have his overnights to get out of paying maintenance. Obviously that isn’t going to fly.

ZaSa1418

Definitely apply now, if he doesn't like it then it is tough you are legally entitled to it.
Mediation is good if things are agreed , you agreed to something and he hasn't been reliable.
45 mins on public transport isn't too bad but is a pain for school especially if one house is much closer. 
If son is at senior school then his wishes will be taken into consideration if he takes you to court. 

sassyblue

To be honest I agree with the above poster, get you child maintenance claim in now. 

I'd listen to your son and only let him go for alternate weekends at dads with a view to building up to more sleepovers when his dad can prove himself.

Sounds like dad just wants shared contact to get out of paying for his child.  You both already share 'custody' as I assume his name is on your son's birth certificate, it’s shared contact (or access) he’s talking about.

Wandavision

I’ve made the CMS claim. 

Ex doesn’t think he has to pay anything he says “we are to have him equally and so no maintenance is due”. 

In the first month since he moved out he will have had 4 overnights!

He has son for dinner one night each week but he comes home after. His weekend was supposed to be Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights but he made excuses about his house not being quite ready so ended up just having the Saturday night. 

Last Wednesday son asked me if I’d pick him up early from Dads and also said he only wanted to stay one night at the weekend, I persuaded him to do two nights. But then the fun uncle who lives abroad turned up on Wednesday so he had the novelty value of him there so ended up staying the full weekend too. 

Son spoke to me last night about missing me and wanting to come home when he was there but said Dad explained the 50/50 to him. He seemed accepting of it but he used all the phrases Dad continually uses to me when discussing it so I can’t help but feel he’s been pressured into going along with it. 

Ex has now decided that as from July it will be Monday and Tuesday with me, Wednesday and Thursday with him and then alternate weekends. I’ve told him I don’t agree as the first step of this trial has failed miserably but he’s not interested in my opinion. It doesn’t matter what I say, he will just turn up and collect son from school on the days he’s decided are his. 

I don’t think I can stop him so I’ll just have to wait on a court date to make formal arrangements. 

T.T.D

CMS will decide what your entitled to based off what information is provided.

Don’t change days of contact, if he wishes to do so and you disagree he needs to go back to FC (family court), stick to the letter of the court order, if it isn’t working it isn’t working, you can apply for a variation of access order, this will grant you a hearing (with dad) to revisit what is and what isn’t working. 

My strong advice is stick with what the order states to the letter, if your harassed to go beyond what the order states then you revisit FC for a variation or possible new section 16(a) for cafcass to redo a report for the court for what dad and you and your child can reasonable do and want to have happen. 

Good luck 

Wandavision

T.T.D said:

CMS will decide what your entitled to based off what information is provided.

Don’t change days of contact, if he wishes to do so and you disagree he needs to go back to FC (family court), stick to the letter of the court order, if it isn’t working it isn’t working, you can apply for a variation of access order, this will grant you a hearing (with dad) to revisit what is and what isn’t working. 

My strong advice is stick with what the order states to the letter, if your harassed to go beyond what the order states then you revisit FC for a variation or possible new section 16(a) for cafcass to redo a report for the court for what dad and you and your child can reasonable do and want to have happen. 

Good luck 

There is no court order relating to access. We agreed in mediation to trial this as detailed above and to go back if it didn’t work out. 

I was never happy with the second part of the trial but was willing to give it a go knowing he would fall on his face anyway. But him not sticking to what was agreed on the very first weekend just shows how it won’t ever work. He’s too selfish and disorganised to ever put anyone but himself first.