Scammed on dating site

sassyblue

choccysue said:

I don't mind at all that I haven't received a reply that tells me how to get my money back, I did say it was a long shot. What I do mind is people's unhelpful manner. Why reply if you are not going to offer some helpful advice? 

The only advice you will accept is how to get your money back and nobody can do that except your bank.  

As I asked, why don’t you accept your banks decision as you said you accept responsibility?  And I offered helpful advice that the scammers are likely to return by pretending to be someone else who can recover your money 'for a fee'.

I appreciate you don’t like the responses, but effectively you are asking us to repay you....

but I really hope you haven’t lost all your money and fine someone decent 

74jax

My reply wasn't meant to be hurtful but actual questions that until we know the answer to we can't really comment. I did say my bank were really good. I also asked what you were giving money for and what did you not recieve. I genuinely do not know..... For a plane ticket, a house, I have no idea but I'm guessing you didn't get it so maybe if you elaborate we can help? Plus as I also said I'm guessing it's not a person but a company, so if that a route you can go down?
I'm sorry you don't like the questions but at the moment we don't have a lot to go on. 

kayleighali

sassyblue said:

Going forward expect to receive texts or emails about people able to recover your money. That’s the same people who scammed you in the first place. The bank or the police are the only people who can recover your money so don’t be fooled a second time.

^^^ THIS!!!

Please be aware, a relative of a family friend was scammed and was then contacted by lots of 'no win no fee' type recovery organisations. Unfortunately they were so desperate to try and get their money back that they fell for it again. Understandable if you have lost a large portion of your savings. These people are scum and will do anything to scam people.

Sorry I can't give more useful advice, but just wanted to highlight how important this is in case it happens to you.

soolin

As above be careful of out of the blue contacts for a while, you may be in a suckers list. It is not unusual for someone to contact you saying either that they know the scammer, or they are acting in an official capacity and will help you to get your money back , then the usual nonsense starts, they need a little money to get some official documents or to travel to see scammer. You might even get another contact giving you support and commiserating about the number of scammers masquerading as potential friends , whilst they also scam you. 

This scam is rife, not just on dating sites either, I sell online and also belong to loads of specialist hobby forums and probably get 2 or 3 random messages a month from someone, usually in the US military who wants to be friends and thinks I look pretty . They are all scammers and all seem to have similar scripts, stolen pictures of random men wearing uniform or in a doctors coat and have sob stories about not being able to access their bank, or needing money for their sick child back in the states. 

74jax

soolin said:

As above be careful of out of the blue contacts for a while, you may be in a suckers list. It is not unusual for someone to contact you saying either that they know the scammer, or they are acting in an official capacity and will help you to get your money back , then the usual nonsense starts, they need a little money to get some official documents or to travel to see scammer. You might even get another contact giving you support and commiserating about the number of scammers masquerading as potential friends , whilst they also scam you. 

This scam is rife, not just on dating sites either, I sell online and also belong to loads of specialist hobby forums and probably get 2 or 3 random messages a month from someone, usually in the US military who wants to be friends and thinks I look pretty . They are all scammers and all seem to have similar scripts, stolen pictures of random men wearing uniform or in a doctors coat and have sob stories about not being able to access their bank, or needing money for their sick child back in the states. 

I think someone has already asked but I'm guessing it wasn't the usual you mention, as that's pretty obvious and somehow this time round not only the op but family and friends were believing it genuine. It would be so good if the op could post what, if only to alert everyone else so they don't fall for it.
The only reason you didn't fall for the 'so pretty' or the sob stories is because others shared their stories so we are all aware. If the op could do the same they'd be saving other people. 

MysteryMe

OP, I am sorry that you appear to have been a victim of a scam. I understand how wretched you must be feeling and devastated by both the financial and emotional aspect to it.  I have dealt with many people in a similar position to yours and there is no blame game from me. It's the person at the other end of this who is to blame, not you.  If the bank have investigated and not been able to recover your money then as you fear it has gone.

"If you willingly sent money to someone then you cannot claw it back."
Actually, victims of crime willingly send criminals money every hour of every day and banks do make attempts to retrieve the money and will refund if they can. If there is a successful prosecution the court can award compensation orders.

"It’s people like the rest of us on this forum who will effectively pay for your money to be repaid and why should everyone else suffer increased interest rates on credit cards or savings rates cut because you were daft?  There’s so much information everywhere about these scams there’s no excuse to send money to someone you’ve never met."

It is comments like this that make the job of investigators such as myself so much more difficult.  Two of the biggest areas for scamming are online dating and modelling sites and the percentage of victims reporting such scams to the authorities is much lower than in other types of fraud due to the embarrassment factor and receiving responses like that quoted. Someone being lonely, being vulnerable, being trustworthy does not make it their fault for being scammed. Victim blaming serves no purpose and actually helps scammers because the fewer the number of complaints, the fewer the numbers of investigations by either the police or trading standards.   I will also say using the word suffering in relation to interest rates is crass knowing the type of crime the OP has been victim of.

OP in addition to what you have done I would also report the matter to Trading Standards via the Citizens Advice Consumer Advice Service.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/consumer/get-more-help/if-you-need-more-help-about-a-consumer-issue/   

This website can offer useful advice. Why people fall victim to scams is a complex topic, it's not as straightforward as some clearly think.
https://www.friendsagainstscams.org.uk/contact

kimwp

choccysue said:

I see kindness is resident here in abundance!
Another stupid mistake of mine was to think that anyone on here might actually try and be helpful rather than critical. I am punishing myself enough, I don't need any help with that thank you.
I would also suggest that if you are not living and breathing the experience of a fellow human being don't try and assume you know why they think and act in a certain way, because you don't.
This forum is surely to offer help and encouragement to others, not pout them down when they are already at rock bottom.

Only one statement in one of the messages before this could be difficult to objectively interpret as potentially kindly meant and even that could just be a statement of facts. Given that you've been duped by a person on the internet, it might be a good exercise to consider the different ways in which something might be meant rather than relying on your emotional filter so much. (Not that emotions are bad, but they can be unhelpful).

But also - anyone in the world could be on here (same as on a dating website) - just because the intent is to enable posters to find help and advice doesn't mean that all replies will be helpful.

It's good that you spoke up about not feeling helped though.

kaMelo

choccysue said:

I know this is a long shot, but I have been targeted by an online dating scam, most likely a very professional Nigerian dating scam, totally plausible and believable, my friends and family were all as convinced as I was that this was a genuine person. I lost a sum of money (I realise this was my responsibility and that it was a very silly thing to do...) Reported to my bank who say they haven't been able to recover the funds, and also reported to Action Fraud. Any ideas about how I can recover any of my money?
Thanks in advance

You asked specifically is there any way to get your money back. 
You can ask the person who scammed you to send it back, a long shot I know but who knows unless you try.
Otherwise you can complain to your bank that they should have protected you more.
Without knowing the full details, the when and how payment was made and what the bank did or did not do along the way, it's difficult to say whether you have a case or not. If the bank rejects your complaint then you can take the case to the Financial Ombudsman for them to make a decision.
If it doesn't work out then at least you know you've done all you can do. (Outside of suing the person who scammed you)

I'll leave others to point out the morals of whether you should or shouldn't do this. 

sassyblue

MysteryMe said:

"It’s people like the rest of us on this forum who will effectively pay for your money to be repaid and why should everyone else suffer increased interest rates on credit cards or savings rates cut because you were daft?  There’s so much information everywhere about these scams there’s no excuse to send money to someone you’ve never met."

It is comments like this that make the job of investigators such as myself so much more difficult.  Two of the biggest areas for scamming are online dating and modelling sites and the percentage of victims reporting such scams to the authorities is much lower than in other types of fraud due to the embarrassment factor and receiving responses like that quoted. Someone being lonely, being vulnerable, being trustworthy does not make it their fault for being scammed. Victim blaming serves no purpose and actually helps scammers because the fewer the number of complaints, the fewer the numbers of investigations by either the police or trading standards.   I will also say using the word suffering in relation to interest rates is crass knowing the type of crime the OP has been 

Erm, where did I say it was the OP's fault? It’s ALWAYS the scammers fault but there is enough information and stories out there to read.

It’s also a fact we will all end up reimbursing the banks for anything they have to pay out, banks are businesses are they not?  The OP was asked more than once to share how she was scammed to helps others but chose not to.
I think it’s crass to make things up for likes but each to their own. 

kimwp

sassyblue said:

MysteryMe said:

"It’s people like the rest of us on this forum who will effectively pay for your money to be repaid and why should everyone else suffer increased interest rates on credit cards or savings rates cut because you were daft?  There’s so much information everywhere about these scams there’s no excuse to send money to someone you’ve never met."

It is comments like this that make the job of investigators such as myself so much more difficult.  Two of the biggest areas for scamming are online dating and modelling sites and the percentage of victims reporting such scams to the authorities is much lower than in other types of fraud due to the embarrassment factor and receiving responses like that quoted. Someone being lonely, being vulnerable, being trustworthy does not make it their fault for being scammed. Victim blaming serves no purpose and actually helps scammers because the fewer the number of complaints, the fewer the numbers of investigations by either the police or trading standards.   I will also say using the word suffering in relation to interest rates is crass knowing the type of crime the OP has been 

Erm, where did I say it was the OP's fault? It’s ALWAYS the scammers fault but there is enough information and stories out there to read.

It’s also a fact we will all end up reimbursing the banks for anything they have to pay out, banks are businesses are they not?  The OP was asked more than once to share how she was scammed to helps others but chose not to.
I think it’s crass to make things up for likes but each to their own. 

Where did you say it was the OP's fault? "Because you were daft". Then pointing out that their mistake is covered by increased costs to others (while true) implies that they take responsibility, which would usually only be expected where someone is at fault. Hth.