Parents of Uni students with min maintenance loan - parental contribution, which way to do it? 17 May 2021 at 7:44AM edited 17 May 2021 at 8:31AM in Marriage, relationships & families 29 replies 1.1K views

Spendless

In Sept my youngest will be starting a degree course at a drama school (not a Uni). Tuition fees are paid through SFE and she will receive the min maintenance loan.


We have an older one going into yr3 at Uni. As he also receives the min maintenance loan, what we've always done is pay his rent (his rent is inclusive of all bills except mobile phone and insurance which we pay separately) and live him his loan to live on (eg groceries, socialising). Son managed this well, not even going into his overdraft until the pandemic when he'd chosen to remain in his Uni town, but he's not the spender his sister is. What he says he dislikes though is his loan coming in 3 times a year, he says when it firsts hits the bank, he struggles with accepting he needs to eke the money out and not think all the money is in the account is available. He says he spends the last month before he gets his next instalment skint. He managed to find some work during the first lockdown but the hours are very sporadic.   


Daughter is studying in a lot more expensive part of the U.K, has far higher contact hours (8am-5pm Monday to Friday) so with her commute she'll be out 7.30 - 5.30 with  more physically demanding classes (eg dance)  plus the academic content. Her academic year is longer too, more mirroring a school with early-ish Sept - mid July rather than son's late Sept-Mid May. So she has to make her money last longer, is not as available for part time work as she would be on a Uni course and is more of a spender than her brother.


So I'm wondering which way to help her financially through her degree. Do exactly the same as we do with my older one or take her whole student loan for rent plus whatever top up is required and then send her money weekly/monthly (this is what my sis in law did for my Neice years ago) which would make managing from week to week earlier.
I can think of pros and cons to each way, which is why I'm interested in how others do it for their offspring, especially ones who are studying on courses with high contact hours.  

silvercar

Definitely send her a monthly allowance. It will save you money in the long run, as otherwise she will be broke before half term and you will find yourself providing more funds later on in the term.
when she has finished studying and hopefully gets a job, she will be paid monthly or more frequently, so expecting someone her age to manage with termly income is very hard.

Though, with all the constraints you have said, I expect you will end up providing a greater subsidy to her than you have done for her brother out of necessity.

Savvy_Sue

I'd also divide it monthly: I don't think weekly is helpful at this age because as silvercar says, in a job you're usually paid monthly these days. 

I started paying them monthly when they went into 6th form: they then had to pay for transport, so their 'allowance' for travel and school meals went into their account each month, and they were responsible for getting out cash as they needed it. 

Sandtree

The fundamental question is how much parity you want to strike between the two of them or do you think your son will be comfortable if you do much more for his sister than your did for him?

Personally I managed fine on my student loan and part time working whilst at university too but I could have managed much better if my family had given me more than the once in a blue moon fiver.  Despite that I am sure there would have been friction if my little sister subsequently was given much more than I was and so didnt have to leave the parties early because they had a 6am Saturday shift etc.

Spendless

Savvy_Sue said:

I'd also divide it monthly: I don't think weekly is helpful at this age because as silvercar says, in a job you're usually paid monthly these days. 

I started paying them monthly when they went into 6th form: they then had to pay for transport, so their 'allowance' for travel and school meals went into their account each month, and they were responsible for getting out cash as they needed it. 

We did start paying her allowance monthly. The issue we've had is she blows it all at once. When she did it for the third consecutive month on clothes  because she'd added it up incorrectly in Primark (prev 2 months had been online due to shops being closed)  and I'd gone to put more money in the parking meter so wasn't with her before she got to the till, she knew we weren't best pleased and then went and found herself a small p-time job, but that's only very recently. 

She commutes 40 miles to her college (because the calibre of performing arts sixth forms more local weren't sufficient enough standard ) so for that reason she's had to have a season ticket, rather than be given the money for travel as part of her allowance. 

Spendless

Sandtree said:

The fundamental question is how much parity you want to strike between the two of them or do you think your son will be comfortable if you do much more for his sister than your did for him?

Different children, different traits. I've already had a conversation with DS about the way we pay his rent and leave him his loan to live on. If he wanted to do it the opposite way round, he could ask us to do this, he doesn't want to. He gave me the cons of the way we've set it up, for me to have a think about which way would suit his sister best (and I'm still dithering hence this thread)
.
Being fair to each, isn't the same as treating them identically, equality and equity not being the same thing. To give  examples before DS went to Uni, we paid for driving lessons so he could pass his test before going (2 friends had suggested this as a good idea so the skill is there when they graduate and helps with job hunting, even if they can't afford a car whilst they study). Ok we said it was a Christmas present, but it cost us a lot more than the Christmas present we got DD the same year. We didn't get her something of equal value.  We've said we'll pay for DD to have driving lessons, she doesn't want to. The offer to learn with us paying will remain whilst she's a student and maybe slightly beyond, but it won't be a lifelong offer. If she choses not to learn until she's in her 30s then I would expect her to be funding herself. DD is going into yr1 of a 3 year degree. Due to poor sixth form results DS had to do a foundation year first, so we've helped him out for an additional year with Uni rental costs, but DD has commuted to a college a lot further away (re above reply) and had more expensive hobbies as performing arts classes don't come cheap, but if he'd wanted to learn to sing, dance, act he could have done (he didn't). Likewise he didn't want to take up the offer of a further away FE college for yrs12/13 (so more expensive commuting costs) even though it was my preference.   

HampshireH

Breakdown what you are paying her for.

Perhaps instead of food money pay for the online order weekly or fortnightly so you know she has food.

Pay for the travel card so you know she can get there and back.

Once the safety and basics are covered if she blows the rest she has to go without. She will soon learn, providing you don't bail her out

Savvy_Sue

Spendless said:

Savvy_Sue said:

I'd also divide it monthly: I don't think weekly is helpful at this age because as silvercar says, in a job you're usually paid monthly these days. 

I started paying them monthly when they went into 6th form: they then had to pay for transport, so their 'allowance' for travel and school meals went into their account each month, and they were responsible for getting out cash as they needed it. 

We did start paying her allowance monthly. The issue we've had is she blows it all at once. When she did it for the third consecutive month on clothes  because she'd added it up incorrectly in Primark (prev 2 months had been online due to shops being closed)  and I'd gone to put more money in the parking meter so wasn't with her before she got to the till, she knew we weren't best pleased and then went and found herself a small p-time job, but that's only very recently. 

She commutes 40 miles to her college (because the calibre of performing arts sixth forms more local weren't sufficient enough standard ) so for that reason she's had to have a season ticket, rather than be given the money for travel as part of her allowance. 

You're quite right about having to treat them differently, and it's good to hear that your DS sounds level headed and not likely to throw the "it's not fair!" card around. 

You're paying for the season ticket. You haven't got long, but I'd be tempted to talk to her and stop the clothing allowance until she's 'paid back' the overspends, either through her p/t job or through not getting any allowance apart from what she actually NEEDS (and more clothes doesn't sound like something she NEEDS!) 

I presume too you've tried to show her how to budget? 

Sandtree

Spendless said:

Sandtree said:

The fundamental question is how much parity you want to strike between the two of them or do you think your son will be comfortable if you do much more for his sister than your did for him?

Different children, different traits. 

You could have stopped there rather than getting on your high horse.

You asked how others would deal and then decide to lecture people that respond, I hope for your children's sake they have different traits to you.

tooldle

I wouldn't over think this. Contact hours and term dates are a bit of a red herring in many regards. By that I mean that the max student loan is the same for a student studying English as it is for a student studying Engineering. Contact hours are different as are study requirement, although they pretty much should balance out. By that I mean that whilst our students are in the labs doing experimental work (contact hours), the literature students are spending hours reading texts (self study). The loan is intended to cover the exact same costs incurred by both students. If you daughter is an over spender, then she likely has a harsh lesson looming. Let her learn it. In my first year at Uni my room mate spent her whole grant in the first two weeks. When the accommodation bill arrived she had no money to pay it. Needless to say she didn't make the same mistake twice. Life is a learning curve. 
I work in HE and can add there is always a little money sloshing around for students in emergency situations. She won't starve if she messes up. 

Spendless

Sandtree said:

Spendless said:

Sandtree said:

The fundamental question is how much parity you want to strike between the two of them or do you think your son will be comfortable if you do much more for his sister than your did for him?

Different children, different traits. 

You could have stopped there rather than getting on your high horse.

You asked how others would deal and then decide to lecture people that respond, I hope for your children's sake they have different traits to you.

I wasn't getting on my high horse. I have a tendency to give detail. I just started thinking about different things I've done with them and continued typing.

I did think later I could go and change the post, but decided not to (sometimes the additional info is helpful in building a picture)
.
I can totally see your point that it looks like I was lecturing and didn't have to give additional info  You adding 'I hope for your children's sake they have different traits to you' is just downright rude and didn't need to be done either. .