Parents of Uni students with min maintenance loan - parental contribution, which way to do it?

Happy_Sloth

My DS1 and DS2 are the same we did the same for both though as it was easier.  We let our son's use thier student loan which comes in a lump to pay their accommodation, (It wasn't quite enough so we just topped it up to the required amount) We then gave them both a monthly payment to cover food etc.  (when i say gave... i mean we are giving haha as both are still in uni.. this is year 3 for DS1 and Year 1 for DS2 ... so yup i'm skint this year!) 

DS2 is the spender like your daughter and while i agree that getting money once per term forces them to budget,  it's not really reflective of real life,  no-one with a job gets paid quarterly.  So  i'm happy that they are learning what they need which is monthly budgeting.  

I know the difference between the Min Loan and Max Loan is £5000 so as parents we are supposed to contribute that much each month, but thats £400 a month,  i have 2 boys and while im a higher earner i cant afford £800 per month i also don't honestly think they need that much once their accommodation is paid.  i don't spend £400 a month on food for me and my OH so why the heck does my son need it for just him?!  We give him £200 a month,  which is enough for food and a little drinking money and the agreement if their is something he needs beyond the basic's he talks to us. We also paid for DS1's travel pass separately because it was an annual bill and it was something he clearly needed.  

DS1 had no issues, DS2 has come to us a couple of times having spent all his money! One time it was because he'd bought himself some glass's (Which he needed)  so we gave him the money they cost, as i felt that it was a reasonable 'spend' and not easily absorbed by him....    The other time it was because he'd had a good night out and had gotten carried away.   So that time I gave him an extra £30 to buy food but took it out of the next payment, to teach him a lesson and he lived off beans for a month.  

I think it's important my sons learn that budgeting is important,  but i don't think there is anything wrong with that being monthly,  i would hate to see DS2 on a termly budget.. i know he'd blow it.  

I've told both my boys that if the money genuinely is not enough they just need to come to me, but be prepared to break the numbers down and be able to explain why they need more and how much they need.  I have a very good relationship with my boys and i know they will ask if they need it but so far neither one has ever asked. 

Saying that i think the year has been easier for DS2 due to lockdown, now the pubs are opening i'm not sure how he'll manage haha 

Spendless

@Happy_Sloth - Thank you for your reply. Do you use the same bank account their student loan goes into to pay the rent that you also pay a monthly allowance into or different ones, which way do you do it?

Happy_Sloth

Spendless said:

@Happy_Sloth - Thank you for your reply. Do you use the same bank account their student loan goes into to pay the rent that you also pay a monthly allowance into or different ones, which way do you do it?

We've just set a standing order to pay the £200 into their normal account which is the same one their loan goes into. Their rent is paid at the start of term so when when the lump goes in so it's not a big worry,  with DS2 the spender,  we sat down with him before giving him any money broke it all down, so he knew exactly what would be going into his account and when and what it needed to be used for.   It was also helpful for us, so we knew how much extra to give him to cover rent.  But once we worked it out and he was given the money it was upto him.    If he'd have gotten himself into trouble, we'd have MADE him get himself out of it.  

It's also worth noting that we started his £200 payments in July before he went to Uni,  this was so he could use the 2 first payments for things he needed to take with him.  We helped him make a list of clothes, bedding, pots, pans etc and he used those first 2 payments to buy all that.   We helped him make lists of what he needed and guided him on where to buy them etc. He actually did pretty well managed to get most of what he needed for under £150 which meant he left for uni with extra money which im 100% confident was spent on alcohol! 

I've always told him that i won't let him starve and if he needs money to call me,  but we don't spoil him and he knows that if he's spent it on rubbish then mum's far more likely to send him an asda delivery of boring food, than give him more money to spend on alcohol. 

Spendless

Savvy_Sue said:

Spendless said:

Savvy_Sue said:

I'd also divide it monthly: I don't think weekly is helpful at this age because as silvercar says, in a job you're usually paid monthly these days. 

I started paying them monthly when they went into 6th form: they then had to pay for transport, so their 'allowance' for travel and school meals went into their account each month, and they were responsible for getting out cash as they needed it. 

We did start paying her allowance monthly. The issue we've had is she blows it all at once. When she did it for the third consecutive month on clothes  because she'd added it up incorrectly in Primark (prev 2 months had been online due to shops being closed)  and I'd gone to put more money in the parking meter so wasn't with her before she got to the till, she knew we weren't best pleased and then went and found herself a small p-time job, but that's only very recently. 

She commutes 40 miles to her college (because the calibre of performing arts sixth forms more local weren't sufficient enough standard ) so for that reason she's had to have a season ticket, rather than be given the money for travel as part of her allowance. 

You're quite right about having to treat them differently, and it's good to hear that your DS sounds level headed and not likely to throw the "it's not fair!" card around. 

You're paying for the season ticket. You haven't got long, but I'd be tempted to talk to her and stop the clothing allowance until she's 'paid back' the overspends, either through her p/t job or through not getting any allowance apart from what she actually NEEDS (and more clothes doesn't sound like something she NEEDS!) 

I presume too you've tried to show her how to budget? 

I've tried answering this several times struggling to get my head around explaining what I mean.

I think 'tried to' is probably the best phrase. DD doesn't always grasp or see things the same way as I do regarding finances.
Yesterday for example, she asked if now she had a p-time job she needed to pay for her own gym membership. I said No, she didn't  because we can terminate any month, will be finished by end of August and she needs to keep fitness/stamina levels up over the summer. I see the gym membership in the same light as I see the private singing lessons (which she didn't offer to pay for)  

She sorted out her own accommodation but went for the cheapest option in a houseshare as she hadn't listened/ grasped what I'd said about rental costs, whereas if she'd come downstairs and asked I'd have told her to go for the slightly more expensive but better deal room.

I totally agree she doesn't need any more clothes! And since she's now opted for the bedroom with a single door wardrobe won't be able to take them with her either! 

Spendless

@Savvy_Sue - Perfect example today of DD not grasping/listening/understanding what I've said.

Early afternoon I receive a message from daughter (she has a slightly early finish on a Wednesday) could her bank account be topped up to ensure she has enough money for her bus ride to the train station because she has given her actual cash to a fellow student who intended skipping lunch as they had no money to buy any. Fellow student lives in a household with not much spare cash and though most of DD's college mates did have p-time jobs they were very much in the tourist trade which has meant they haven't all kept them in recent times.

So I point out the first thing to do is establish exactly how much is in the bank and tell her to go check the balance. She tells me she can't as she'd have to catch the bus before being able to check it at the station.

I point out there's a cash dispenser at the supermarket directly opposite her college - she wasn't aware and had never noticed it!
So when she gets home, I praise her for being very thoughtful but suggest maybe a better idea would have been using the parent/student giftcard I got her last week for her friend to eat. If you're not familiar these cards come as a pack of two, one the 'parent' card who loads it with an amount of money and the other is the 'student' card and you just use it like a debit card using the amount on it. Daughter has had one of these since starting college, so in the event of an emergency it can be used. It's been used before for things like needing hygiene products or emergency underwear or even when she's needed another bottle of water (and preferred not to pay the college mark up prices) The original parent/child got lost in an emptying of bags over the Xmas/lockdown 3 period, so I bought another only last week and gave her it. 

So I say since there's a tenner on it her friend could have used it to get a £3 meal deal or similar, which would have fed her and not made it that daughter then potentially couldn't get home. Daughter's reply was 'She was unaware of the money on it because I hadn't told her that just given the card'. For a start I'm pretty sure I would have told her and exactly why would I give her a card with a nil balance, we even had a conversation about how happy she was I'd gone and got her another one.

tooldle

Ok, i am going to be harsh. When daughter presents you with a money problem, push it back. If you provide solutions, guidance, steer etc she will always revert to you rather than thinking it through for herself. If you step back now, she has the chance to resolve her impulsive instinct prior to entering HE, which is your main concern. 

Spendless

tooldle said:

Ok, i am going to be harsh. When daughter presents you with a money problem, push it back. If you provide solutions, guidance, steer etc she will always revert to you rather than thinking it through for herself. If you step back now, she has the chance to resolve her impulsive instinct prior to entering HE, which is your main concern. 

I did. I told her to check her bank balance not top up the bank account which was her request. I did provide info to  where the cash machine was located admittedly and  later suggested a better way of providing lunch for her mate which didn't involve potentially leaving her with no way of getting home (other than saying 'tough' to fellow student). She got home. 

tooldle

She doesn’t need to say tough to the other student. The College will have ways of dealing with the situation. When i say push back, i mean let her find the solution entirely without your input. No hints, no tips. As adults we largely work things out for ourselves. Young adults about to enter Uni have had 17 or so years of learning opps. 
Believe me, everyone in HE will thank you if you send us a young adult capable of working somethings out for themselves. 

HampshireH

Spendless said:

@Savvy_Sue - Perfect example today of DD not grasping/listening/understanding what I've said.

Early afternoon I receive a message from daughter (she has a slightly early finish on a Wednesday) could her bank account be topped up to ensure she has enough money for her bus ride to the train station because she has given her actual cash to a fellow student who intended skipping lunch as they had no money to buy any. Fellow student lives in a household with not much spare cash and though most of DD's college mates did have p-time jobs they were very much in the tourist trade which has meant they haven't all kept them in recent times.

So I point out the first thing to do is establish exactly how much is in the bank and tell her to go check the balance. She tells me she can't as she'd have to catch the bus before being able to check it at the station.

I point out there's a cash dispenser at the supermarket directly opposite her college - she wasn't aware and had never noticed it!
So when she gets home, I praise her for being very thoughtful but suggest maybe a better idea would have been using the parent/student giftcard I got her last week for her friend to eat. If you're not familiar these cards come as a pack of two, one the 'parent' card who loads it with an amount of money and the other is the 'student' card and you just use it like a debit card using the amount on it. Daughter has had one of these since starting college, so in the event of an emergency it can be used. It's been used before for things like needing hygiene products or emergency underwear or even when she's needed another bottle of water (and preferred not to pay the college mark up prices) The original parent/child got lost in an emptying of bags over the Xmas/lockdown 3 period, so I bought another only last week and gave her it. 

So I say since there's a tenner on it her friend could have used it to get a £3 meal deal or similar, which would have fed her and not made it that daughter then potentially couldn't get home. Daughter's reply was 'She was unaware of the money on it because I hadn't told her that just given the card'. For a start I'm pretty sure I would have told her and exactly why would I give her a card with a nil balance, we even had a conversation about how happy she was I'd gone and got her another one.

She sounds very young maybe even immature for her age.

Doesnt she have the banking app so she could check her balance?

It sounds like you have to spoon feed her a fair bit. How will she survive uni?

Does sound like perhaps the only way to learn is to go without.

Spendless

To everyone thinking daughter is only managing because I'm on at her, that's not true. Yes her oblivious to financial issues drive me nuts but she sorted out all her drama applications, which aren't as straight forward as if she was wanting to study something regular at a 'usual' Uni. Some drama schools you apply on UCAS, some UCAS conservatoire, some direct to the school. All you audition for, each has a different requirement with what and a different deadline plus this year all wanted self tapes again each wanted a different format. She did all that without help, which I thanked my lucky stars for as I would have been well out of my depth trying to help her and kept going despite multiple rejections because acceptance at age 17/18 for straight acting at  drama schools  is low. Her offer from a drama school she hadn't initially put down and hadn't space for, she also sorted that, without help or input. 


I don't always step in either.  She went off to college today without her coat, saying in passing she didn't need/wasn't taking it. I never commented, just let her go.  It is now raining here (presumably where she is too) plus she's decided to stay later to do more work.  I didn't insist she took it.

I added the detail I did about yesterday's events because I had tried to answer Savvy Sue's question about if I'd tried to help her budget and I thought that a better example than the previous response I'd given about how she doesn't always listen/explain/grasp what I mean about something finance wise, but that's not a full picture of  her capabilities/understanding in general