Money owed to us for car loan

Keep_pedalling

justworriedabit said:

Keep_pedalling said:

justworriedabit said:

Hi OP

Not really aimed at you directly but a point of order.  People that lent their children money to buy a car, have IMHO earned the upset that follows.   All of our children, us, my parents, etc, Mr J's parents etc have NEVER bought a car on loan never mind borrow money from family/friends to but a car.


Look at it like this - if you are borrowing thousands any money to buy a car from parents and the parents fall fro that, ask yourself this, what happens when one or both lose their job, lose overtime, rent goes up or they have fallen out of love with that car and their holiday is a priority, car breaks down, who pays you back and especially if the couple break up.

If our kids as us for money to but a car it would have been a NO and if one of them turned up with a car on hp payments it would have been a slap across the back of the head a light one and the gifts we've given atm would not have happened.

So if you were in a position to provide an interest free loan for an adult child to buy a reliable car they needed to get to work, the only choices you would leave them is to by on old unreliable (and potentially dangerous) banger, or force them into borrowing money, probably at a high interest rate, but if they took option be you would subject them to physical violence.

I only have one rule for family loan and that is to treat it as a gift that I will hopefully get back. The last time we lent money to one of our children was to buy a modest car. We wrote half of that off when my DIL became pregnant. If you can’t afford to lose the money then best not to lend in the first place.

Highlighted bit. Not a "position" I've been in, not my parents or grandparents as we are taught not to run before we can walk. There is public transport you know.

If kids are borring money to buy a car, how on earth are they going to ensure its kept road legal etc especially when they get a few punctures, tyres need to be replaced et, etc.

Use public transport until you can afford to not just buy your own car but insure it, tax it, mot it, service it, and unexpected repairs it and the possibility of parking tickets and speeding fines, etc, etc.



HTH.

You must live on a different planet to the rest of us.  How is a career for instance going to be able to get all their vista via PT? Is a painter and decorator going to travel to their customer, with all their gear on a bus? 

Keep_pedalling

justworriedabit said:

Ganga said:

Keep_pedalling said:

justworriedabit said:

Hi OP

Not really aimed at you directly but a point of order.  People that lent their children money to buy a car, have IMHO earned the upset that follows.   All of our children, us, my parents, etc, Mr J's parents etc have NEVER bought a car on loan never mind borrow money from family/friends to but a car.


Look at it like this - if you are borrowing thousands any money to buy a car from parents and the parents fall fro that, ask yourself this, what happens when one or both lose their job, lose overtime, rent goes up or they have fallen out of love with that car and their holiday is a priority, car breaks down, who pays you back and especially if the couple break up.

If our kids as us for money to but a car it would have been a NO and if one of them turned up with a car on hp payments it would have been a slap across the back of the head a light one and the gifts we've given atm would not have happened.

So if you were in a position to provide an interest free loan for an adult child to buy a reliable car they needed to get to work, the only choices you would leave them is to by on old unreliable (and potentially dangerous) banger, or force them into borrowing money, probably at a high interest rate, but if they took option be you would subject them to physical violence.

I only have one rule for family loan and that is to treat it as a gift that I will hopefully get back. The last time we lent money to one of our children was to buy a modest car. We wrote half of that off when my DIL became pregnant. If you can’t afford to lose the money then best not to lend in the first place.

Agree with this 100% ,i always tell my wife that when we  "lend " money to my sons ex to treat it as a gift as the chance of seeing it again is slim and it is to support our grandchildren.

Please look up the definitions of "lend" & "gift"

Year ago we lent "lend" money to a relative buying a second business and it was several k's as their money was
tied up in a sale and it had been delayed by a few days and the new business was via auction but it was NOT a "gift." A "gift" is something you give, no strings attached. Ro "lend" is give something and excpect it back

HTH

But your gifts seem to have strings attached, 

justworriedabit

Keep_pedalling said:

justworriedabit said:

Ganga said:

Keep_pedalling said:

justworriedabit said:

Hi OP

Not really aimed at you directly but a point of order.  People that lent their children money to buy a car, have IMHO earned the upset that follows.   All of our children, us, my parents, etc, Mr J's parents etc have NEVER bought a car on loan never mind borrow money from family/friends to but a car.


Look at it like this - if you are borrowing thousands any money to buy a car from parents and the parents fall fro that, ask yourself this, what happens when one or both lose their job, lose overtime, rent goes up or they have fallen out of love with that car and their holiday is a priority, car breaks down, who pays you back and especially if the couple break up.

If our kids as us for money to but a car it would have been a NO and if one of them turned up with a car on hp payments it would have been a slap across the back of the head a light one and the gifts we've given atm would not have happened.

So if you were in a position to provide an interest free loan for an adult child to buy a reliable car they needed to get to work, the only choices you would leave them is to by on old unreliable (and potentially dangerous) banger, or force them into borrowing money, probably at a high interest rate, but if they took option be you would subject them to physical violence.

I only have one rule for family loan and that is to treat it as a gift that I will hopefully get back. The last time we lent money to one of our children was to buy a modest car. We wrote half of that off when my DIL became pregnant. If you can’t afford to lose the money then best not to lend in the first place.

Agree with this 100% ,i always tell my wife that when we  "lend " money to my sons ex to treat it as a gift as the chance of seeing it again is slim and it is to support our grandchildren.

Please look up the definitions of "lend" & "gift"

Year ago we lent "lend" money to a relative buying a second business and it was several k's as their money was
tied up in a sale and it had been delayed by a few days and the new business was via auction but it was NOT a "gift." A "gift" is something you give, no strings attached. Ro "lend" is give something and excpect it back

HTH

But your gifts seem to have strings attached, 

So you agree with me when you "lend" it is not a "gift".  If I lent someone something, I'd expect it back and if it did not come back, never again, 

Strings are only "attached" if you gift something on a basis of. We gift on on what we have seen, so no strings attacked to the "gifts" we make which are not "lend."   

HTH

richardw

justworriedabit said:

Hi OP

Not really aimed at you directly but a point of order.  People that lent their children money to buy a car, have IMHO earned the upset that follows.   All of our children, us, my parents, etc, Mr J's parents etc have NEVER bought a car on loan never mind borrow money from family/friends to but a car.


Look at it like this - if you are borrowing thousands any money to buy a car from parents and the parents fall fro that, ask yourself this, what happens when one or both lose their job, lose overtime, rent goes up or they have fallen out of love with that car and their holiday is a priority, car breaks down, who pays you back and especially if the couple break up.

If our kids as us for money to but a car it would have been a NO and if one of them turned up with a car on hp payments it would have been a slap across the back of the head a light one and the gifts we've given atm would not have happened.

That's judgemental, try getting your own TV show.

ratechaser

richardw said:

justworriedabit said:

Hi OP

Not really aimed at you directly but a point of order.  People that lent their children money to buy a car, have IMHO earned the upset that follows.   All of our children, us, my parents, etc, Mr J's parents etc have NEVER bought a car on loan never mind borrow money from family/friends to but a car.


Look at it like this - if you are borrowing thousands any money to buy a car from parents and the parents fall fro that, ask yourself this, what happens when one or both lose their job, lose overtime, rent goes up or they have fallen out of love with that car and their holiday is a priority, car breaks down, who pays you back and especially if the couple break up.

If our kids as us for money to but a car it would have been a NO and if one of them turned up with a car on hp payments it would have been a slap across the back of the head a light one and the gifts we've given atm would not have happened.

That's judgemental, try getting your own TV show.

It is, unfortunately, this poster's style - I'll be charitable and suggest it is a 'lack of awareness' rather than anything worse, but probably best not to engage further as it's unlikely to result in a positive outcome...

Keep_pedalling

justworriedabit said:

Keep_pedalling said:

justworriedabit said:

Ganga said:

Keep_pedalling said:

justworriedabit said:

Hi OP

Not really aimed at you directly but a point of order.  People that lent their children money to buy a car, have IMHO earned the upset that follows.   All of our children, us, my parents, etc, Mr J's parents etc have NEVER bought a car on loan never mind borrow money from family/friends to but a car.


Look at it like this - if you are borrowing thousands any money to buy a car from parents and the parents fall fro that, ask yourself this, what happens when one or both lose their job, lose overtime, rent goes up or they have fallen out of love with that car and their holiday is a priority, car breaks down, who pays you back and especially if the couple break up.

If our kids as us for money to but a car it would have been a NO and if one of them turned up with a car on hp payments it would have been a slap across the back of the head a light one and the gifts we've given atm would not have happened.

So if you were in a position to provide an interest free loan for an adult child to buy a reliable car they needed to get to work, the only choices you would leave them is to by on old unreliable (and potentially dangerous) banger, or force them into borrowing money, probably at a high interest rate, but if they took option be you would subject them to physical violence.

I only have one rule for family loan and that is to treat it as a gift that I will hopefully get back. The last time we lent money to one of our children was to buy a modest car. We wrote half of that off when my DIL became pregnant. If you can’t afford to lose the money then best not to lend in the first place.

Agree with this 100% ,i always tell my wife that when we  "lend " money to my sons ex to treat it as a gift as the chance of seeing it again is slim and it is to support our grandchildren.

Please look up the definitions of "lend" & "gift"

Year ago we lent "lend" money to a relative buying a second business and it was several k's as their money was
tied up in a sale and it had been delayed by a few days and the new business was via auction but it was NOT a "gift." A "gift" is something you give, no strings attached. Ro "lend" is give something and excpect it back

HTH

But your gifts seem to have strings attached, 

So you agree with me when you "lend" it is not a "gift".  If I lent someone something, I'd expect it back and if it did not come back, never again, 

Strings are only "attached" if you gift something on a basis of. We gift on on what we have seen, so no strings attacked to the "gifts" we make which are not "lend."   

HTH

No, I don’t agree with you. It is quite clear that there is difference between a loan and a gift, but when close family are concerned, unless are are prepared to ruin relationships, you really need to be prepared to write off debt if necessary.

The loan to our son and DIL ended up half loan and half gift after their circumstances changed, from 2 to 1 wage earner

maman

justworriedabit said:

We are grateful the way my parents brought me up as is Mr J and we are following the footsteps of our tried and tested family stance re money management and not trying to run before you can walk.

Me too. I'm immensely grateful  for the financial management and generosity of spirit I learned from my parents which I'm pleased to have passed on to my children in turn.

What I'm probably most pleased about is that they never taught me to give my children a 'slap across the back of the head' (light or otherwise). ☹️

tooldle

Different time now of course, but this post "You must live on a different planet to the rest of us.  How is a career for instance going to be able to get all their vista via PT? Is a painter and decorator going to travel to their customer, with all their gear on a bus? " reminded me of a decorator my parents sometimes used back in my childhood. He transports his ladders, paints etc on a pushbike. I'm sure we have had a carer on this forum before who used the bus to get to clients. It's all perspective i suppose.

justworriedabit

tooldle said:

Different time now of course, but this post "You must live on a different planet to the rest of us.  How is a career for instance going to be able to get all their vista via PT? Is a painter and decorator going to travel to their customer, with all their gear on a bus? " reminded me of a decorator my parents sometimes used back in my childhood. He transports his ladders, paints etc on a pushbike. I'm sure we have had a carer on this forum before who used the bus to get to clients. It's all perspective i suppose.

Many thanks, great post.

Carers arounf London, many built up, deprived areas where a lot of older, younger, disabled, frail people live, carers are able to just wlak one appt to the next.  Even slightly greater disatances as public transport is there they get on a bus or walk and easier than trying to find parking.

One of our children was an computer engineer when they fist started out in their first job after uni went around at times fixing people computers at home, by bus, tub etc around central london and he had a backpack and case.

A window cleaner around where one of our family lives, the chap has a bike and ladder and ladders are now much lighter and more compact can be extended.

A gardener travels by public transport with his carrying tools and uses peoples mowever to cut grass.

I've seen bricklayers, builders carrying their sovels, picks, and buckets on the bus and tube.


We had a hari dresser come next door she came by bus.

Many thanks for the great post.  I'm sure most of the people I mentioned may want a car or have one but they have owrked out in the scheme of things this does not make finacial sense.


To be taught he to stand on your own two feet when you first start out and not to pay interest on anything other than a mortgae type loan can only be good for the furture. I've seen and heard stories where parents were constantly helping out their kids with holidays, buying a car, using their car, wanting the newest mobile etc and many of these children are living from hand to mouth, a vicious circle that we want everyone to avoid if possible.

noitsnotme

I didn’t realise sweetsand was back!