Buying house with substantial gifted deposit

gettingtheresometime

Hannimal said:

gettingtheresometime said:

My first thoughts are no don't do it....as are my second and third.

Not from a house purchasing pov but a family dynamic one.

All very well & good now when grandma is relatively fit & healthy but what happens when that isn't the case? 

I could not disagree more. I am actually genuinely upset by this comment. My dad died of dementia last year and my sister and her family moved in with my parents to help out because that was easier than supporting remotely. The idea of refusing to live with an elderly relative in case they fall ill sounds cold and callous. 

I'm sorry if it came across as callous - that wasn't my intention.

I was (perhaps badly) pointing out that whilst grandma is fit and healthy now, I can't even begin to imagine the strains it would put on relationships if things became less than rosy.

Mickey666

gettingtheresometime said:

My first thoughts are no don't do it....as are my second and third.

Not from a house purchasing pov but a family dynamic one.

All very well & good now when grandma is relatively fit & healthy but what happens when that isn't the case? 

Why does where she is living matter "when that isn't the case?" . . . or is it a case of out of sight out of mind?

xylophone

As Grandma is going to live in the property, I do not see that what we would have is a gift?

This is Grandma paying for a share in the property and therefore she has the right to be a tenant-in-common?

AnotherJoe

Willow89 said:

Thanks for the comments so far.

As a family we've talked at length about the pros and the cons and the what if's... There is only my brother and I that would stand to inherit anything and thankfully, we are not money orientated kind of people and neither of us is bothered about any kind of inheritance only what is best for our grandmother. 

I should add that while my grandmother is of complete sound mind, she is pretty frail and already requires some help with day-to-day such as shopping, cleaning, bill paying, bathing etc... she WILL NOT go into a care home, it's completely out the question and our thinking is that having everyone under one roof might be easier and better for us as a family. 1 House to clean, 1 lot of bills to pay for etc and would mean that I am around more for my own family. 

Caring is hard, I know that (having cared for my mother since age 15), my freedom is already lost and I am prepared for what may come. If it came to it, we would manage if I had to give up my job to care for her. My husband is supportive and even though this would be our first bought house together, we have lived together over 10 years...

My mum said that ... and then she collided with reality.

AnotherJoe

Mickey666 said:

gettingtheresometime said:

My first thoughts are no don't do it....as are my second and third.

Not from a house purchasing pov but a family dynamic one.

All very well & good now when grandma is relatively fit & healthy but what happens when that isn't the case? 

Why does where she is living matter "when that isn't the case?" . . . or is it a case of out of sight out of mind?

No, its that those of us here that have experienced it know that 24 x 7 care is almost impossible to provide by one person or even two. Even something as simple as getting someone out of bed and to the toilet, and that's if there's no dementia, what happens when they are literally fighting against you, trying to "escape", etc.

But its hard for some people to appreciate this scenario and what it means for the carers physical and mental health, until they've lived it. 

MaryNB

AnotherJoe said:

Mickey666 said:

gettingtheresometime said:

My first thoughts are no don't do it....as are my second and third.

Not from a house purchasing pov but a family dynamic one.

All very well & good now when grandma is relatively fit & healthy but what happens when that isn't the case? 

Why does where she is living matter "when that isn't the case?" . . . or is it a case of out of sight out of mind?

No, its that those of us here that have experienced it know that 24 x 7 care is almost impossible to provide by one person or even two. Even something as simple as getting someone out of bed and to the toilet, and that's if there's no dementia, what happens when they are literally fighting against you, trying to "escape", etc.

But its hard for some people to appreciate this scenario and what it means for the carers physical and mental health, until they've lived it. 

My grandfather didn't have dementia, his wife was in good health, they had a nurse and cleaner come to the house every day and a few of his many adult children were on a rota to help out. Even with all that he was in hospital a lot as he was prone to infections due to an underlying health condition. He was a tall man and it was difficult for family to physically assist him. He went to a local nursing home two years ago at the age of 96 and wasn't hospitalised again. They really looked after him until he died recently. 

xylophone

Even something as simple as getting someone out of bed and to the toilet, 

There comes a point when very restricted mobility and muscle strength means that sitting on the toilet is no longer possible so that double incontinence must be managed.

There is then the question of avoiding bed sores - a specialised electrically operated bed and mattress is vital unless the carers ( two required) are strong and skilled enough to manually move the sufferer frequently.

Then there is the obsession with drinking that can develop with constant requests for water.

Then there is the need to watch carefully at mealtimes so that there is no risk of choking.

Then the need for night time care.......

Mojisola

xylophone said:

There comes a point when very restricted mobility and muscle strength means that sitting on the toilet is no longer possible so that double incontinence must be managed.

And how many elderly people really want their adult children wiping their bottoms?  Most would prefer an unrelated carer/nurse when things get to that stage.

pinkshoes

Willow89 said:

Thanks pinkshoes... 

Even if my gran gifted us £200K, there would still be enough money left over from the sale of her house and savings/investments to pay for any potential care cost, IF it ever came to that. I just want to do what's best for my Gran and support her for as long as I'm able to. 

In which case I think it's a wonderful idea!

It'll be fab for her to spend her final years with family, and as there is plenty of money you can then have a back up plan for a plan B if it comes to that.

Make sure you discuss what living space each person requires e.g. she will need a ground floor bedroom and might be nice to have a seating area of her own too in case she wants some space, plus easy access to a bathroom. My friends mum even put a little fridge and tea making area in the bedroom for the gran so she could make tea if she didn't feel like going to the kitchen!

Murphybear

According to official statistics only about 4% of over 65s go into a home.  That’s a pretty whopping 96% who don’t.