God parent dilemma (or in my case non dilemma).

Pollycat

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Hey everyone.

Do people think it is necessary to have God parents. And if you're definately having 1 is that enough?

Basically other half has a sister and thats simple for the godmother. However she has tasked me with finding/picking a God father. And frankly I don't want to.

She isn't from the UK and we live in her country (somewhere in Europe) therefore I haven't anyone really here that I would like to ask. I don't have any brothers or close family really either really apart from a cousin about 15 years older than me and one about 12 years younger both of whom I have very little relationship with.

My friends back home are exactly that. Friends back home. I have no plans to ever return to the UK (apart from the odd holiday) and they all have their own lives going on. And to be honest I am equally friends with them all so to choose one of them would be a nightmare.

Basically I said to other half look I don't want to choose anyone, let your sister be God mother and leave it at that. (Sister is a lot younger than partner so doesnt have boyfriend/partner or anything).

She thinks the baby needs a godfather but surely this is unnecessary hassle. Is it weird to have a God mother and not a god father. For me it isn't but for her it seems odd.

Why are you allowing someone else to dictate to you about godparents?

If it's your child, it's should be your decision.

Not what someone else thinks or tasks you with.

I'm not. It's my other half who has asked me to find one. She has her sister for godmother. 

Unfortunately in relationships you have to discuss things. Cant always just do what I want or what I think is best always compromise.

I took the 'she' as your OH's sister, not your OH.

Hence my comments about allowing someone else (i.e. 'she') to dictate to you.

Of course in a relationship you have to discuss things.

To me it sounded like you were discussing things with your OH's sister.

Nope other half has picked the godmother and has tasked me with picking the godfather. Anyway. Think it seems pointless to give a title to someone for the sake of confirming to the "done" or "typical" thing. 

A particular poster seems to think I should apologise and admit my mistake for misreading your post.

So - I apologise.for misreading your post and I admit my mistake.

I agree that it seems pointless to give a title to someone for the sake of confirming to the "done" or "typical" thing.

Really - what is the role of a godparent in these modern times?

What will be the role of the godparents you eventually choose?

Are you religious?

It used to be the tradition that girls had 2 godmothers and one godfather and boys vice versa.

I remember that from when I was asked to be a godparent.

I am godparent for both my sister's children.

Being their Aunt trumps that.

And I am the only one of the 5 godparents (I am the only one who is godparent to both) who is still in contact with the children (now grown).

Not being religious, being asked to be a godparent didn't sit very easily with me but I acquiesced as it was my sister and I knew I would have a more important role (in my eyes) with the children as an Aunt.

And that has proved true.

From what you say about your family and friends, I would try to convince your partner - in discussion - that just the one godparent is sufficient.

As you say:

Retireby40 said:

Regarding the duties the godfather will have no duties. Its literally picking something for the sake of it. 

so not really in the spirit of choosing a godparent (as I understand the role).

bouicca21

It used to be quite common to have grandparents amongst the god parents, so if in case of disaster you think grandparents and aunt would look after the child, why not ask granddad?

Retireby40

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Hey everyone.

Do people think it is necessary to have God parents. And if you're definately having 1 is that enough?

Basically other half has a sister and thats simple for the godmother. However she has tasked me with finding/picking a God father. And frankly I don't want to.

She isn't from the UK and we live in her country (somewhere in Europe) therefore I haven't anyone really here that I would like to ask. I don't have any brothers or close family really either really apart from a cousin about 15 years older than me and one about 12 years younger both of whom I have very little relationship with.

My friends back home are exactly that. Friends back home. I have no plans to ever return to the UK (apart from the odd holiday) and they all have their own lives going on. And to be honest I am equally friends with them all so to choose one of them would be a nightmare.

Basically I said to other half look I don't want to choose anyone, let your sister be God mother and leave it at that. (Sister is a lot younger than partner so doesnt have boyfriend/partner or anything).

She thinks the baby needs a godfather but surely this is unnecessary hassle. Is it weird to have a God mother and not a god father. For me it isn't but for her it seems odd.

Why are you allowing someone else to dictate to you about godparents?

If it's your child, it's should be your decision.

Not what someone else thinks or tasks you with.

I'm not. It's my other half who has asked me to find one. She has her sister for godmother. 

Unfortunately in relationships you have to discuss things. Cant always just do what I want or what I think is best always compromise.

I took the 'she' as your OH's sister, not your OH.

Hence my comments about allowing someone else (i.e. 'she') to dictate to you.

Of course in a relationship you have to discuss things.

To me it sounded like you were discussing things with your OH's sister.

Nope other half has picked the godmother and has tasked me with picking the godfather. Anyway. Think it seems pointless to give a title to someone for the sake of confirming to the "done" or "typical" thing. 

A particular poster seems to think I should apologise and admit my mistake for misreading your post.

So - I apologise.for misreading your post and I admit my mistake.

I agree that it seems pointless to give a title to someone for the sake of confirming to the "done" or "typical" thing.

Really - what is the role of a godparent in these modern times?

What will be the role of the godparents you eventually choose?

Are you religious?

It used to be the tradition that girls had 2 godmothers and one godfather and boys vice versa.

I remember that from when I was asked to be a godparent.

I am godparent for both my sister's children.

Being their Aunt trumps that.

And I am the only one of the 5 godparents (I am the only one who is godparent to both) who is still in contact with the children (now grown).

Not being religious, being asked to be a godparent didn't sit very easily with me but I acquiesced as it was my sister and I knew I would have a more important role (in my eyes) with the children as an Aunt.

And that has proved true.

From what you say about your family and friends, I would try to convince your partner - in discussion - that just the one godparent is sufficient.

As you say:

Retireby40 said:

Regarding the duties the godfather will have no duties. Its literally picking something for the sake of it. 

so not really in the spirit of choosing a godparent (as I understand the role).

No worries!! No harm or offence caused.

Youd struggle to find anyone less religious than me.

I'll let her work away and she can pick someone. She knows my family make up, very few boys and the fact that we are living in her place of birth and where she knows everyone and I basically have very recent friendships so she can accept that it difficult for me. 

Thanks again for everyone's views!!

Spendless

The faith you're baptising in may have it's own rules about God parents. With you saying you live in a different country I'm not expecting the religion to be CofE, but as an example of if it was, you would need 3 Godparents, the parents can be two of these providing there's also a third. If the faith allows that, tell your OH you intend being your child's Godparent and any additional ones are up to her to find.

https://churchofenglandchristenings.org/for-parents/choosing-godparents/

justworriedabit

ThumbRemote said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Hey everyone.

Do people think it is necessary to have God parents. And if you're definately having 1 is that enough?

Basically other half has a sister and thats simple for the godmother. However she has tasked me with finding/picking a God father. And frankly I don't want to.

She isn't from the UK and we live in her country (somewhere in Europe) therefore I haven't anyone really here that I would like to ask. I don't have any brothers or close family really either really apart from a cousin about 15 years older than me and one about 12 years younger both of whom I have very little relationship with.

My friends back home are exactly that. Friends back home. I have no plans to ever return to the UK (apart from the odd holiday) and they all have their own lives going on. And to be honest I am equally friends with them all so to choose one of them would be a nightmare.

Basically I said to other half look I don't want to choose anyone, let your sister be God mother and leave it at that. (Sister is a lot younger than partner so doesnt have boyfriend/partner or anything).

She thinks the baby needs a godfather but surely this is unnecessary hassle. Is it weird to have a God mother and not a god father. For me it isn't but for her it seems odd.

Why are you allowing someone else to dictate to you about godparents?

If it's your child, it's should be your decision.

Not what someone else thinks or tasks you with.

I'm not. It's my other half who has asked me to find one. She has her sister for godmother. 

Unfortunately in relationships you have to discuss things. Cant always just do what I want or what I think is best always compromise.

I took the 'she' as your OH's sister, not your OH.

Hence my comments about allowing someone else (i.e. 'she') to dictate to you.

Of course in a relationship you have to discuss things.

To me it sounded like you were discussing things with your OH's sister.

The post was quite clear. Why not just admit your mistake and say sorry, rather than making out there was any ambiguity about it.

Sadly this happen too often. We can all misread a post but as soon as it is pointed out, best practice is to to agree and move on rather than trying to blame the OP.

OP, we don't do Godparents as especially in recent years it's a pointless exercise.  TBH, just how I and my family feel, we cringe when people mention Godparents. Times have changed and none we really know well has GP's or even at work I've not heard anyone mention a godparent for years.

strawb_shortcake

Spendless said:

The faith you're baptising in may have it's own rules about God parents. With you saying you live in a different country I'm not expecting the religion to be CofE, but as an example of if it was, you would need 3 Godparents, the parents can be two of these providing there's also a third. If the faith allows that, tell your OH you intend being your child's Godparent and any additional ones are up to her to find.

https://churchofenglandchristenings.org/for-parents/choosing-godparents/

My children were baptised in CofE and all have the same two Godparents, there was no indication of having a set number.

Spendless

annabanana82 said:

Spendless said:

The faith you're baptising in may have it's own rules about God parents. With you saying you live in a different country I'm not expecting the religion to be CofE, but as an example of if it was, you would need 3 Godparents, the parents can be two of these providing there's also a third. If the faith allows that, tell your OH you intend being your child's Godparent and any additional ones are up to her to find.

https://churchofenglandchristenings.org/for-parents/choosing-godparents/

My children were baptised in CofE and all have the same two Godparents, there was no indication of having a set number.

Well I was surprised because our Vicar was a stickler for rules and he never mentioned it either for our two, but I thought it was a Church of England website I was on, after your comment I had another look and I don't think it is. 

ETA - I think this is probably a more reliable source and mentions 2 or 3 Godparents. It's probably a moot point though as I think it's unlikely this is the faith your child is being baptised into.  https://www.churchofengland.org/sites/default/files/2019-05/Baptism.pdf

strawb_shortcake

Spendless said:

annabanana82 said:

Spendless said:

The faith you're baptising in may have it's own rules about God parents. With you saying you live in a different country I'm not expecting the religion to be CofE, but as an example of if it was, you would need 3 Godparents, the parents can be two of these providing there's also a third. If the faith allows that, tell your OH you intend being your child's Godparent and any additional ones are up to her to find.

https://churchofenglandchristenings.org/for-parents/choosing-godparents/

My children were baptised in CofE and all have the same two Godparents, there was no indication of having a set number.

Well I was surprised because our Vicar was a stickler for rules and he never mentioned it either for our two, but I thought it was a Church of England website I was on, after your comment I had another look and I don't think it is. 

ETA - I think this is probably a more reliable source and mentions 2 or 3 Godparents. It's probably a moot point though as I think it's unlikely this is the faith your child is being baptised into.  https://www.churchofengland.org/sites/default/files/2019-05/Baptism.pdf

I grew up thinking you had to have 3, one of my children's godparents is a vicar too so I'd like to have thought they'd have mentioned it

TBagpuss

The stuff on the CofE website is guidance, it isn't binding. 
from a religious perspective, the point of having godparents is to have someone who will support you in bringing them up in thefts you have them baptized into.

From a secular perspective it can mean giving your child more adults (honorary aunts or uncles) in their lives, and in some cases, people select with an eye to financial advantage, as godparents may wind up giving their godchildren gifts or legacies! 

I's suggest talking to your partner bout what she sees as being the roles of the godparents, and then decide from there - they could be family members (you could consider your dad, if he's around, or any close male friends you or she has. ) or say that you are happy to stand as godparent yourself. 

In terms of Covid, I believe that it is possible to have someone stand in for a godparent at the service, by arrangement, so if it was someone who could not attend then they can still be godparent and made their promises by proxy. 

I believe that in the catholic church, a parent*can't * be godparent for their own child, but a child only needs one god parent, although two or more are allowed. So it may also be worth checking what the priest / pastor / vicar of the church where you are hoping to baptize your child requires. 

Mojisola

TBagpuss said:

So it may also be worth checking what the priest / pastor / vicar of the church where you are hoping to baptize your child requires. 

It's also worth looking at the promises that the godparents have to make and be sure that anyone you choose will be happy to do so.