God parent dilemma (or in my case non dilemma).

Pollycat

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Hey everyone.

Do people think it is necessary to have God parents. And if you're definately having 1 is that enough?

Basically other half has a sister and thats simple for the godmother. However she has tasked me with finding/picking a God father. And frankly I don't want to.

She isn't from the UK and we live in her country (somewhere in Europe) therefore I haven't anyone really here that I would like to ask. I don't have any brothers or close family really either really apart from a cousin about 15 years older than me and one about 12 years younger both of whom I have very little relationship with.

My friends back home are exactly that. Friends back home. I have no plans to ever return to the UK (apart from the odd holiday) and they all have their own lives going on. And to be honest I am equally friends with them all so to choose one of them would be a nightmare.

Basically I said to other half look I don't want to choose anyone, let your sister be God mother and leave it at that. (Sister is a lot younger than partner so doesnt have boyfriend/partner or anything).

She thinks the baby needs a godfather but surely this is unnecessary hassle. Is it weird to have a God mother and not a god father. For me it isn't but for her it seems odd.

Why are you allowing someone else to dictate to you about godparents?

If it's your child, it's should be your decision.

Not what someone else thinks or tasks you with.

I'm not. It's my other half who has asked me to find one. She has her sister for godmother. 

Unfortunately in relationships you have to discuss things. Cant always just do what I want or what I think is best always compromise.

I took the 'she' as your OH's sister, not your OH.

Hence my comments about allowing someone else (i.e. 'she') to dictate to you.

Of course in a relationship you have to discuss things.

To me it sounded like you were discussing things with your OH's sister.

Retireby40

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Hey everyone.

Do people think it is necessary to have God parents. And if you're definately having 1 is that enough?

Basically other half has a sister and thats simple for the godmother. However she has tasked me with finding/picking a God father. And frankly I don't want to.

She isn't from the UK and we live in her country (somewhere in Europe) therefore I haven't anyone really here that I would like to ask. I don't have any brothers or close family really either really apart from a cousin about 15 years older than me and one about 12 years younger both of whom I have very little relationship with.

My friends back home are exactly that. Friends back home. I have no plans to ever return to the UK (apart from the odd holiday) and they all have their own lives going on. And to be honest I am equally friends with them all so to choose one of them would be a nightmare.

Basically I said to other half look I don't want to choose anyone, let your sister be God mother and leave it at that. (Sister is a lot younger than partner so doesnt have boyfriend/partner or anything).

She thinks the baby needs a godfather but surely this is unnecessary hassle. Is it weird to have a God mother and not a god father. For me it isn't but for her it seems odd.

Why are you allowing someone else to dictate to you about godparents?

If it's your child, it's should be your decision.

Not what someone else thinks or tasks you with.

I'm not. It's my other half who has asked me to find one. She has her sister for godmother. 

Unfortunately in relationships you have to discuss things. Cant always just do what I want or what I think is best always compromise.

I took the 'she' as your OH's sister, not your OH.

Hence my comments about allowing someone else (i.e. 'she') to dictate to you.

Of course in a relationship you have to discuss things.

To me it sounded like you were discussing things with your OH's sister.

Nope other half has picked the godmother and has tasked me with picking the godfather. Anyway. Think it seems pointless to give a title to someone for the sake of confirming to the "done" or "typical" thing. 

theoretica

Maybe not much point, but also no harm and not worth strongly being against?  Your child might like in future a little bit of a link to someone back in the UK.

Spendless

My daughter was 18 last week. 2 of her 3 Godparents never acknowledged it, though they are still in touch with DH they pretty much didn't bother with DD after the Christening. I regret the choice. Do you need a minimum number of Godparents? If not stick with just the one, if you need more than ask your OH to pick someone, 

Retireby40

theoretica said:

Maybe not much point, but also no harm and not worth strongly being against?  Your child might like in future a little bit of a link to someone back in the UK.

It's not that I'm strongly against it. It just seems pointless to ask for example a cousin who I speak to maybe once a year to be a godparent to a child they are likely never to meet.

Likewise the same with a friend to make the decision to choose one friend over the other again who isn't present and will never be a part of the child's life seems a waste of time.

I think if my other half is adamant about it I will let her pick someone. My family back home is pretty much female dominant and her family is very similar although she does have a cousin she talks to now and again.

Torry_Quine

I would have thought the number and sex of godparents is laid down by the church which is performing the Christening.

Savvy_Sue

Torry_Quine said:

I would have thought the number and sex of godparents is laid down by the church which is performing the Christening.

I'm not aware of such things being specified anywhere. By custom and tradition in the CofE there were generally 3, 2 chaps and a lady for a boy, the reverse for a girl. The Royals tend to have more ...

Note that in the days when life expectancy was brutally short, the godparents would not only be responsible for the child's spiritual welfare, but also for their physical welfare if the parents died young.

Naomim

It  seems like you are only considering family as potential Godparents.  Do you and your OH not have any close male friends where you live?  

Both DH and I are very close to our siblings which is why we deliberately didn't chose them as Godparents as they already play an active role in our children's lives. We also didn't choose Godparents for potential presents etc but saw it more as acknowledging these people as special to us and wanting them to be part of our family. 

Retireby40

Naomim said:

It  seems like you are only considering family as potential Godparents.  Do you and your OH not have any close male friends where you live?  

Both DH and I are very close to our siblings which is why we deliberately didn't chose them as Godparents as they already play an active role in our children's lives. We also didn't choose Godparents for potential presents etc but saw it more as acknowledging these people as special to us and wanting them to be part of our family. 

Not really. I have lived here for 3 years so while I have a few, what I would call acquaintances they arent really close friends. The typical go for a run with or a few beers once every now and then. But none that I would say do you want to be godfather. I actually think they would think.....this is abit much.

Her male friends are mainly the boyfriends of her friends who we often go out with. 

I have 2 male cousins at home of which I have no real relationship with mainly due to the age differences and they lived far away from me when I was in the UK. I have 6 close male friends from back home who I keep in touch with but again the only time I see them is when I return home which is maybe once every 18 months. Between covid and a baby I dare say I won't be back to England for maybe at least another 2-3 years. 

As I said for me it isn't a big deal. If she wants to ask someone she knows (we live in her city and country) she can. She has a world of contacts. She has a cousin who lives in another part of the country who we see maybe once a year. For me godparent is nothing more than a tag. A thing to do because everyone does it. If we were to die the child would be brought up between her parents and sister. We don't care for gifts or anything. If we need something we buy it ourselves.

missile

In your situation, I would say "sorry I do not know anyone I feel appropriate to ask"