Do-er upper and family expectations

lookstraightahead

We've just exchanged on a house that looks like a tardis. It is 200 years old with wonky walls and needing a lot of Tlc, but it is like magic inside!! 

We love it and it is all we can afford at the moment. The last 20 years have been tough for us and we are now back on the ladder, with a really small comfortable mortgage.

Our parents don't like it and neither do our siblings. They all live in big new houses and can't understand why on Earth we've done this.

I was about to say it doesn't matter to me, but obviously it does else I wouldn't be writing this.

Anyone else ever experienced this type of thing? 

HampshireH

They don't have to live in it. Just ignore their comments, smile politely and change the subject. They will soon get bored.

Maybe they don't have the imagination to see its potential.

Once you start doing it up and they see you turn it around I'm sure they will become a little more favourable towards it.......

And if they don't?

Well again they don't have to like it. Everyone had different tastes. If we didn't the world would be very boring indeed.

hazyjo

Gawd, wouldn't even occur to me to have doubts cos family didn't like something I did. 

Do you like everything they buy? Would you tell or try to influence them if you didn't?

Tbh I doubt my mum and sister have liked much I've bought or done in life!

Salemicus

I understand exactly where you are coming from, having been through something similar myself. Bucking other people's expectations, particularly those we care about, is painful. But you have to do what's right for you and your family, not follow your family's expectations. If you overstretch yourself financially to live as they expect you to, will they pay off your mortgage?

UnderOffer

Your family are not living there, so their opinion should mean very little. The fact you love the place, can see potential and are obviously very proud to have found this home are the only things that matter. Congratulations enjoy it. 

Falafels

lookstraightahead said:

Our parents don't like it and neither do our siblings. They all live in big new houses and can't understand why on Earth we've done this.

I was about to say it doesn't matter to me, but obviously it does else I wouldn't be writing this.

Anyone else ever experienced this type of thing? 

I can't understand why anyone would want to live in a big, boring new house when they could have something with real character, but they do. Fair play to 'em.

Is it about not feeling accepted and respected by your family? If so, let yourself know that if your family have a problem with your house, it really is THEIR problem and don't entertain it for a moment. I know what it's like to have your ideas and aspirations rubbished by your family (I'm the only artistic one in mine!), but my life would have been horribly constricted if I'd ever taken any notice. You can have good relationships with people without taking their **** on board. Good luck with all this!

P. S. I love your house already!

Tiglet2

We have friends that did this.  They absolutely love it and don't really care whether anyone else does or doesn't, as it should be. 

Enjoy your new home and make lots of wonderful memories.  Life is too short to be worrying about other people's opinions.

MovingForwards

I only told a few people I was buying, showed the sales particulars and could see on their faces and tell by they didn't like it. Now I'm in, started changing things to my taste and taking better photos than they saw, there's a queue waiting to visit. 

It's their problem not yours, your home and you will turn it into a warm place that's all yours. Ignore them.

SpiderLegs

If I told you that I thought you were off your rockers and should have bought a nice new build, you’d probably say shut up spiderlegs you don’t know anything about what we want.

and you’d be right to say that.

so there’s your answer.

phoebe1989seb

One of the reasons why we sold a previous house was because our grown up DS (who no longer lived at home) made it abundantly clear every time he visited that he thought we'd made a huge mistake.

Every time he visited an almighty row would gradually build up and eventually erupt. It was extremely unpleasant. Over time he stopped coming to see us altogether and if we wanted to see him (which we did) we had to drive 200+ miles to do so.

It was a fabulous house, he just didn't approve of the location. It played on my mind to such an extent that - coupled with DH's gentle pestering for a more rural location with fewer neighbours - I conceded and we sold up. 

Do I regret letting his opinion affect my decision? You betcha ☹️

Your new home sounds lovely, OP - please don't let the unimportant views of others spoil it for you.....

mooncake89

Your house sounds lovely and exciting! I can understand you wanting the people you know to love the place just as much as you both clearly do, but the most important thing is that you're happy with your decision and it sounds like you are. It's funny how everyone has different tastes when it comes to what they like in a home. 

I wouldn't be surprised if they come to like it too, once they grow used to it and you start making it really feel like your own home. If you'd have bought something just to please them, meaning you'd either have ended up in something completely different to the style you find attractive or tied down to a large mortgage, that would have been a mistake. So it sounds as though you've done the right thing and they're just being a little too opinionated about it when, really, they should be pleased that you've found something you like and are being sensible about the mortgage!

Have they been inside the house in person, or only seen it from photographs?