Forget that I ever existed

Mickey666

Tokmon said:

ushjr said:

Mickey666 said:

pickledonionspaceraider said:

Money really isnt what life is about, contentment is where it is at

That's very true, but contentment becomes a lot easier when you have enough money.  Life is all about balancing various trade-offs.

It is a lot easier to say money isn't everything when you have money. When I hear stories of people who spent years chasing money in banking or something until they saw the light and found something low paid but enjoyable I do question if they'd have still done that had they not made the money in the first place.

Studies have shown that when people have enough money to cover their basic needs in life (food, home and bills plus a bit extra for miscellaneous) without getting into debt then extra money doesn't actually result in an increase in long-term happiness or contentment. 

Someone who is good at budgeting and lives within their means doesn't actually needs that much money to meet that requirement.

, , , which was exactly the case for me, which is why I retired at 50 and gave up chasing more money than I needed.  13 years on and I have absolutely no regrets.

Mickey666

ushjr said:

Tokmon said:

ushjr said:

Mickey666 said:

pickledonionspaceraider said:

Money really isnt what life is about, contentment is where it is at

That's very true, but contentment becomes a lot easier when you have enough money.  Life is all about balancing various trade-offs.

It is a lot easier to say money isn't everything when you have money. When I hear stories of people who spent years chasing money in banking or something until they saw the light and found something low paid but enjoyable I do question if they'd have still done that had they not made the money in the first place.

Studies have shown that when people have enough money to cover their basic needs in life (food, home and bills plus a bit extra for miscellaneous) without getting into debt then extra money doesn't actually result in an increase in long-term happiness or contentment. 

Someone who is good at budgeting and lives within their means doesn't actually needs that much money to meet that requirement.

The cost of those basic needs does raise the level of income needed though. My take home pay when I was doing ordinary jobs was less than I pay on the mortgage now. If I rented I'd be paying even more. 

I probably do make more money than I need, but I know first hand that job security doesn't exist, statutory redundancy pay is pathetic and getting a new job can take a long time. I dread to think how I'd of survived my period of unemployment had I not made that extra money I didn't need.

You've missed the point.  We're not talking about having more than you need on a monthly basis in case you hit a bad patch, we're talking about having enough so that you never need to work again . . . ie retire!

MovingForwards

What have you decided ushjr?

Are you any closer to finding the perfect job, with the hours to meet your quirks, that's interesting and varied, where you feel you are the right one and competent to do what's expected?

74jax

but some of the annoyances are things that could happen anywhere such as people asking me questions about my personal life when it's none of their business.

I never mix business with my personal life so I completely agree with you there. When we got married, my husband was asked on returning to work 'did you get married at the weekend'?  He told no one there - and he'd been there about 10yrs at this point. He asked how they knew.... social media 🙄

I think people ask to fill time, to be friendly etc, I would rather talk about work so I im asked about the weekend I'd just reply 'yeah was good thanks' and leave it at that. I liked my work to speak for me, not what I did on the weekend. 

MovingForwards

Have you thought about attending confidence building courses and watch a couple of people skills videos.

It doesn't matter if anyone can do the job, they like how you are doing it. Also small talk is always what have you got up to when not working, some people don't just want to pass those few minutes talking about work.

74jax

ushjr said:

74jax said:

but some of the annoyances are things that could happen anywhere such as people asking me questions about my personal life when it's none of their business.

I never mix business with my personal life so I completely agree with you there. When we got married, my husband was asked on returning to work 'did you get married at the weekend'?  He told no one there - and he'd been there about 10yrs at this point. He asked how they knew.... social media 🙄

I think people ask to fill time, to be friendly etc, I would rather talk about work so I im asked about the weekend I'd just reply 'yeah was good thanks' and leave it at that. I liked my work to speak for me, not what I did on the weekend. 

What I hate most is people thinking they know me or what's best for me when they don't. In the early days of my career a colleague invited everyone and their partners to their barbecue so I went.

Plenty of colleagues were there and some of the comments I got were "you've got a girlfriend" (thanks, I never noticed) "I never had you down as the sort of person who would wear a hat" (because only certain people wear a hat outside on a sunny afternoon) "I thought you were more of a vodka person" (when have I ever talked about drinking vodka) "when are you getting married" (when did I say I was engaged) "you're too young to be living together" (you don't know how old I am but more to the point mind your own business) "you've never moved to a different area" (actually I moved here less than a year ago).

Needless to say I've not done anything like that since, it drove me up the wall. 

Mickey666 said:

ushjr said:

I've seen people truly take the Michael before and get away with it. I remember one individual who blatantly did no work, got drunk all the time and was a general pain in the backside and his boss wanted rid of him but couldn't because of all the red tape. At the same time I've seen honest hard working people get pushed out because it suits the company. It does make you think what's the point.

The point is to play the game, because that's all life is, on your own terms.

Well I'm more tolerant of people taking the Michael these days, but I do draw the line at drunken behaviour.

MovingForwards said:

Have you thought about attending confidence building courses and watch a couple of people skills videos.

It doesn't matter if anyone can do the job, they like how you are doing it. Also small talk is always what have you got up to when not working, some people don't just want to pass those few minutes talking about work.

I never knew there was such a thing. When it comes to small talk there's other non work things to talk about like sport. If people ask me what I'm doing at the weekend or what I did at the weekend I simply tell them what sport I watched.

I totally agree.

I was once told I'm like a closed book with my personal life 🙄. I asked what they wanted to know and they came out with something I'd discuss with my friends, so I asked how them knowing that helped with xyz at work. It didn't.

I rarely use FB but do have it, people often asked how they couldn't find me or send me a request and I have to say I only have friends and family on their.  I always suggest linkedin for networking though.

I would go to work related events- end of year congrats, employee recognition etc but no parties etc.

I do actually have 2 friends from work. One left and we bumped into each other in a really unusual environment and noticed we had a huge interest in common. The other, we were the same level at work, never spoke of anything else but work but clicked over how we worked, strangely enough.

I would have never gossiped at work. I wasn't interested what the copier guy did.  

MovingForwards

But sport isn't a safe bet to get a quick chat about as not everyone is in to it, hence what did you do the weekend is an easier one to pass a few minutes.

You're taking the passing comments personally and it's just what people say. A throwaway comment for want of a better way of putting it.

I've had people say they didn't know I liked a certain genre of TV, my reply was I don't, I just like X, Y and Z film. Or OMG you're so young, nope I'm ? years old. I can quickly kill a conversation asking what I did the weekend by replying nothing, couldn't walk. 

Have you looked up confidence building and people skills yet? The internet is at your fingertips with loads of self-help available.

MovingForwards

Builds confidence and enables you to do small talk. As you've asked, you obviously haven't looked.

The thing with building working relationships is you do get to find out what can be said and also makes a naff job slightly bearable for a few minutes, rather than just that place you drag yourself to each day.

Elliott.T123

I do totally understand why some people prefer not to open up to colleagues and keep their personal life private at work.

I however take the opposite approach, that may be in part down to the industry I am in, I work in a sales environment where people tend to be in an open office and as a general rule quite outgoing confident people.

Having said that the majority of people spend more time awake with their colleagues than anyone else in their life (including spouses), I think if you cant find at least a few people you enjoy talking to it makes work a very lonely place!

MovingForwards

"Anything in particular what?"

Why is it disrespectful saying someone looks young for their age? It would be disrespectful saying you thought they were older!

You can still keep your private life private. It's a case of only saying enough so people don't think you're ignorant, arrogant and other things. 

It's interesting how you keep bringing your posts back round to food. Have you contacted your doctor about the issues you face with it as it should be part of your life, not your life revolving around it.