Entitlement when seperated

Ratita_Presumida

I’ve been separated since 2016 and don’t plan on divorcing, it was my decision not to claim anything from his private pension due to him being a good friend. He has been supportive in so many ways when I became very sick, and knowing how hard he worked I couldn’t live with myself ruining his retirement.
I did want to ask a couple of questions:
He mentioned when we first broke up in 2016 that he had changed the receivers name on his private pension So if he dies whilst in service his children would receive the lump sum as with his pension, my name used to be on it but now that we get on well I wonder if he has changed it. He knows I’ve struggled most of my life financially and with my health
He’s 65 and I’m 47, I would rather live with hardship that’s just who I am. He rents privately £1200 a month so its my separated husband who will struggle the most when he retires I guess

Another question: What happens to his state pension? He has 35 years of NI credits

Please don’t think of me as greedy, I just want to know where I stand. Of course the money would be lovely, had I been able to work my private pension would of given me a quality of life. We got married either 2007 or 2008. If my husband can prove we are separated as far back as 2007 I’m thinking I will receive nothing



  

Albermarle

he had changed the receivers name on his private pension 

Best to use the correct terminology to avoid confusion . Your husband has named your children as the 'beneficiaries' of his pension , in place of you , as I understand what you are saying.

Pension are held in trust and the trustees of the pension scheme have the final say where the pension goes on the death of the person in question. Normally they follow the wishes of the person who has nominated the beneficiaries. However it is possible that they will consider any unusual circumstances , such as maybe the persons wife being very short of money , but it is relatively rare that this happens.

Do you know what his will says ( which is separate from the pension) ?

What do your children think ?

Malthusian

Another question: What happens to his state pension? He has 35 years of NI credits

35 years of NI credits doesn't automatically mean he will receive a full New State Pension. What he actually will receive is of academic interest if you don't plan to divorce him or otherwise make a claim.

Have you checked your own State Pension? That is where you need to start, not his. https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

State Pensions aren't usually of great importance in divorce cases as usually both partners would have one. (Even if one partner hasn't worked, it is usually possible to earn National Insurance credits some other way including benefits or voluntary Class 3 contributions.) If one partner was going to be drastically short, while the other had earned a full New State Pension, the courts might take that into account.

If my husband can prove we are separated as far back as 2007 I’m thinking I will receive nothing

Is this a typo? I thought you were married in 2007 and separated in 2016. If you divorced, the starting point would be that all assets of the marriage (which would generally include private pensions) would be split 50/50, although that could be altered depending on who has custody of the children (if any - are his grown up?), the needs of each party, etc.

Personally I would consider divorcing now while you are both amicable and matter-of-fact than take the risk of doing it later. What if he initiates a divorce in ten years' time and your health has deteriorated and the stress of a divorce is the last thing you need?

Ratita_Presumida

Albermarle said:

he had changed the receivers name on his private pension 

Best to use the correct terminology to avoid confusion . Your husband has named your children as the 'beneficiaries' of his pension , in place of you , as I understand what you are saying.

Pension are held in trust and the trustees of the pension scheme have the final say where the pension goes on the death of the person in question. Normally they follow the wishes of the person who has nominated the beneficiaries. However it is possible that they will consider any unusual circumstances , such as maybe the persons wife being very short of money , but it is relatively rare that this happens.

Do you know what his will says ( which is separate from the pension) ?

What do your children think ?

They are his children, we have none together 

Malthusian

If you are unable to work and on a low income, you should also check with the MSE Benefits Board and/or a charity like Turn2Us whether you are claiming all the benefits you are entitled to.

bouicca21

But presumably if still married OP would be entitled to the widow’s part of the private pension?  After all given the age gap her husband is likely to predecease her.

Marcon

Ratita_Presumida said:

I’ve been separated since 2016 and don’t plan on divorcing, it was my decision not to claim anything from his private pension due to him being a good friend. He has been supportive in so many ways when I became very sick, and knowing how hard he worked I couldn’t live with myself ruining his retirement.
If you aren't divorced you can't claim anything from his pension - it would take a court order to do that (as part of the financial settlement). 
I did want to ask a couple of questions:
He mentioned when we first broke up in 2016 that he had changed the receivers name on his private pension So if he dies whilst in service his children would receive the lump sum as with his pension, my name used to be on it but now that we get on well I wonder if he has changed it.
Ask him. Nobody here could know.
He knows I’ve struggled most of my life financially and with my health
He’s 65 and I’m 47, I would rather live with hardship that’s just who I am. He rents privately £1200 a month so its my separated husband who will struggle the most when he retires I guess
If he's 65 it may soon become an academic question, if he intends to retire in the reasonably near future. Death in service lump sums are just that: payable if someone dies while they are an employee.

Another question: What happens to his state pension? He has 35 years of NI credits
If you are still married at the time he dies, you have the same rights (or lack of them) as any other spouse. 

Please don’t think of me as greedy, I just want to know where I stand. Of course the money would be lovely, had I been able to work my private pension would of given me a quality of life. We got married either 2007 or 2008. If my husband can prove we are separated as far back as 2007 I’m thinking I will receive nothing
It seems strange that you don't know when you got married; most people tend to remember that sort of thing. Are you sure you had a valid ceremony? If so, dig out the marriage certificate. Why would you separate immediately after marriage - at the start of your post you said you separated in 2016.  Are you judicially separated or simply not together any more?



  

What sort of pension scheme is your husband in? if it's a defined benefit (final salary) scheme, then the rules of the scheme will dictate who gets the pension. You are correct in thinking that your separation could impact on your entitlement, but without seeing the rules of the scheme, it's impossible to guess. You'd need to check with your husband, and as you're on good terms, that seems a reasonable question to ask.

If it's a defined contribution pension scheme, then it is entirely possible that you will receive nothing, particularly if you cannot show financial dependence on your husband at the time of his death - and from your post, that seems to be the case.

Malthusian

bouicca21 said:

But presumably if still married OP would be entitled to the widow’s part of the private pension?  After all given the age gap her husband is likely to predecease her.

This part "He mentioned when we first broke up in 2016 that he had changed the receivers name on his private pension So if he dies whilst in service his children would receive the lump sum as with his pension" - suggests a defined contribution pension which would not have an automatic widow's entitlement.

A defined benefit pension would have a widow's pension but they aren't called "private pensions" (as opposed to a workplace pension) and the OP's husband could not simply change the nomination.

For private defined contribution pensions, the trustees have much more discretion than for defined benefit pensions where the member dies leaving a married partner.

Ratita_Presumida

Marcon said:

Ratita_Presumida said:

I’ve been separated since 2016 and don’t plan on divorcing, it was my decision not to claim anything from his private pension due to him being a good friend. He has been supportive in so many ways when I became very sick, and knowing how hard he worked I couldn’t live with myself ruining his retirement.
If you aren't divorced you can't claim anything from his pension - it would take a court order to do that (as part of the financial settlement). 
I did want to ask a couple of questions:
He mentioned when we first broke up in 2016 that he had changed the receivers name on his private pension So if he dies whilst in service his children would receive the lump sum as with his pension, my name used to be on it but now that we get on well I wonder if he has changed it.
Ask him. Nobody here could know.
He knows I’ve struggled most of my life financially and with my health
He’s 65 and I’m 47, I would rather live with hardship that’s just who I am. He rents privately £1200 a month so its my separated husband who will struggle the most when he retires I guess
If he's 65 it may soon become an academic question, if he intends to retire in the reasonably near future. Death in service lump sums are just that: payable if someone dies while they are an employee.

Another question: What happens to his state pension? He has 35 years of NI credits
If you are still married at the time he dies, you have the same rights (or lack of them) as any other spouse. 

Please don’t think of me as greedy, I just want to know where I stand. Of course the money would be lovely, had I been able to work my private pension would of given me a quality of life. We got married either 2007 or 2008. If my husband can prove we are separated as far back as 2007 I’m thinking I will receive nothing
It seems strange that you don't know when you got married; most people tend to remember that sort of thing. Are you sure you had a valid ceremony? If so, dig out the marriage certificate. Why would you separate immediately after marriage - at the start of your post you said you separated in 2016.  Are you judicially separated or simply not together any more?



  

What sort of pension scheme is your husband in? if it's a defined benefit (final salary) scheme, then the rules of the scheme will dictate who gets the pension. You are correct in thinking that your separation could impact on your entitlement, but without seeing the rules of the scheme, it's impossible to guess. You'd need to check with your husband, and as you're on good terms, that seems a reasonable question to ask.

If it's a defined contribution pension scheme, then it is entirely possible that you will receive nothing, particularly if you cannot show financial dependence on your husband at the time of his death - and from your post, that seems to be the case.

Erm.......... Not knowing the year I got married is rather odd for a female, had I been male you wouldn’t of bat an eye lid ha ha. Anyway had I been happily married to this day maybe I would of remembered the year. Plus I’ve got an excuse........2 months later I was on the operating table. That’s my excuse. 

I have avoided asking my husband if I will inherit any of his pension. My separated husband is basically my best friend, I dare not ask if he can pencil my name in again on his private pension. I feel it’s a it of a nerve. My father keeps telling me I deserve to struggle financially as I should divorce him and do a court order for his money. My parents are heartless, my ex lives in a rented house in Surrey and pays £1200 month rent.
i would rather friendship over destroying my separated husbands retirement. I’m Probably a rarity with not being greedy ex wife who thinks cars and handbags come 1st
yes I will probably be married to him at the time he pops his clogs, just be nice to get some of his state pension 

Marcon

Ratita_Presumida said:

Marcon said:

Ratita_Presumida said:

I’ve been separated since 2016 and don’t plan on divorcing, it was my decision not to claim anything from his private pension due to him being a good friend. He has been supportive in so many ways when I became very sick, and knowing how hard he worked I couldn’t live with myself ruining his retirement.
If you aren't divorced you can't claim anything from his pension - it would take a court order to do that (as part of the financial settlement). 
I did want to ask a couple of questions:
He mentioned when we first broke up in 2016 that he had changed the receivers name on his private pension So if he dies whilst in service his children would receive the lump sum as with his pension, my name used to be on it but now that we get on well I wonder if he has changed it.
Ask him. Nobody here could know.
He knows I’ve struggled most of my life financially and with my health
He’s 65 and I’m 47, I would rather live with hardship that’s just who I am. He rents privately £1200 a month so its my separated husband who will struggle the most when he retires I guess
If he's 65 it may soon become an academic question, if he intends to retire in the reasonably near future. Death in service lump sums are just that: payable if someone dies while they are an employee.

Another question: What happens to his state pension? He has 35 years of NI credits
If you are still married at the time he dies, you have the same rights (or lack of them) as any other spouse. 

Please don’t think of me as greedy, I just want to know where I stand. Of course the money would be lovely, had I been able to work my private pension would of given me a quality of life. We got married either 2007 or 2008. If my husband can prove we are separated as far back as 2007 I’m thinking I will receive nothing
It seems strange that you don't know when you got married; most people tend to remember that sort of thing. Are you sure you had a valid ceremony? If so, dig out the marriage certificate. Why would you separate immediately after marriage - at the start of your post you said you separated in 2016.  Are you judicially separated or simply not together any more?



  

What sort of pension scheme is your husband in? if it's a defined benefit (final salary) scheme, then the rules of the scheme will dictate who gets the pension. You are correct in thinking that your separation could impact on your entitlement, but without seeing the rules of the scheme, it's impossible to guess. You'd need to check with your husband, and as you're on good terms, that seems a reasonable question to ask.

If it's a defined contribution pension scheme, then it is entirely possible that you will receive nothing, particularly if you cannot show financial dependence on your husband at the time of his death - and from your post, that seems to be the case.

Erm.......... Not knowing the year I got married is rather odd for a female, had I been male you wouldn’t of bat an eye lid ha ha. Anyway had I been happily married to this day maybe I would of remembered the year. Plus I’ve got an excuse........2 months later I was on the operating table. That’s my excuse. 

I have avoided asking my husband if I will inherit any of his pension. My separated husband is basically my best friend, I dare not ask if he can pencil my name in again on his private pension. I feel it’s a it of a nerve. My father keeps telling me I deserve to struggle financially as I should divorce him and do a court order for his money. My parents are heartless, my ex lives in a rented house in Surrey and pays £1200 month rent.
i would rather friendship over destroying my separated husbands retirement. I’m Probably a rarity with not being greedy ex wife who thinks cars and handbags come 1st
yes I will probably be married to him at the time he pops his clogs, just be nice to get some of his state pension 

OK, what year were you on the operating table, since that's clearly a more memorable event than your marriage?

If you can't ask your husband basic questions, you might want to think again about the meaning of describing him as 'your best friend'. Friends confide in each other, support each other, talk to each other...

Ratita_Presumida

Marcon said:

Ratita_Presumida said:

Marcon said:

Ratita_Presumida said:

I’ve been separated since 2016 and don’t plan on divorcing, it was my decision not to claim anything from his private pension due to him being a good friend. He has been supportive in so many ways when I became very sick, and knowing how hard he worked I couldn’t live with myself ruining his retirement.
If you aren't divorced you can't claim anything from his pension - it would take a court order to do that (as part of the financial settlement). 
I did want to ask a couple of questions:
He mentioned when we first broke up in 2016 that he had changed the receivers name on his private pension So if he dies whilst in service his children would receive the lump sum as with his pension, my name used to be on it but now that we get on well I wonder if he has changed it.
Ask him. Nobody here could know.
He knows I’ve struggled most of my life financially and with my health
He’s 65 and I’m 47, I would rather live with hardship that’s just who I am. He rents privately £1200 a month so its my separated husband who will struggle the most when he retires I guess
If he's 65 it may soon become an academic question, if he intends to retire in the reasonably near future. Death in service lump sums are just that: payable if someone dies while they are an employee.

Another question: What happens to his state pension? He has 35 years of NI credits
If you are still married at the time he dies, you have the same rights (or lack of them) as any other spouse. 

Please don’t think of me as greedy, I just want to know where I stand. Of course the money would be lovely, had I been able to work my private pension would of given me a quality of life. We got married either 2007 or 2008. If my husband can prove we are separated as far back as 2007 I’m thinking I will receive nothing
It seems strange that you don't know when you got married; most people tend to remember that sort of thing. Are you sure you had a valid ceremony? If so, dig out the marriage certificate. Why would you separate immediately after marriage - at the start of your post you said you separated in 2016.  Are you judicially separated or simply not together any more?



  

What sort of pension scheme is your husband in? if it's a defined benefit (final salary) scheme, then the rules of the scheme will dictate who gets the pension. You are correct in thinking that your separation could impact on your entitlement, but without seeing the rules of the scheme, it's impossible to guess. You'd need to check with your husband, and as you're on good terms, that seems a reasonable question to ask.

If it's a defined contribution pension scheme, then it is entirely possible that you will receive nothing, particularly if you cannot show financial dependence on your husband at the time of his death - and from your post, that seems to be the case.

Erm.......... Not knowing the year I got married is rather odd for a female, had I been male you wouldn’t of bat an eye lid ha ha. Anyway had I been happily married to this day maybe I would of remembered the year. Plus I’ve got an excuse........2 months later I was on the operating table. That’s my excuse. 

I have avoided asking my husband if I will inherit any of his pension. My separated husband is basically my best friend, I dare not ask if he can pencil my name in again on his private pension. I feel it’s a it of a nerve. My father keeps telling me I deserve to struggle financially as I should divorce him and do a court order for his money. My parents are heartless, my ex lives in a rented house in Surrey and pays £1200 month rent.
i would rather friendship over destroying my separated husbands retirement. I’m Probably a rarity with not being greedy ex wife who thinks cars and handbags come 1st
yes I will probably be married to him at the time he pops his clogs, just be nice to get some of his state pension 

OK, what year were you on the operating table, since that's clearly a more memorable event than your marriage?

If you can't ask your husband basic questions, you might want to think again about the meaning of describing him as 'your best friend'. Friends confide in each other, support each other, talk to each other...

My separated husband is very sensitive when discussing his pension, this is due to my nasty father, he had a lot of control over my life and he feels he has the right to force me into claiming his private pension. Of course I stupidly told my ex as I have no one else to talk too. My ex lives 180 miles away so I’m unable to talk face to face. He has in the past taken offence to me wanting to discuss this matter in hand. He sees this topic as nothing other thank a form of greed. I did talk the other day to him how I had no intentions of claiming anything financially from him. He then declared that he receives 15k lump sum when he retires plus a monthly amount. He works for TFL so monthly payment from them must be hefty! So it’s a kinda touchy subject
ive been Googling but unable to find out if I can have one of those designer  handbags and a  car like those desperate housewives on TV
Any advice on tackling the pension subject?? Should I just go in for the kill and blurt it out about the P word??