Entitlement when seperated

DairyQueen

So....

You aren't interested in claiming any of ex's pension but are seeking advice on how to achieve exactly that.

I suggest that you just get on with the divorce and financial settlement and stop pretending that there is some kind of platonic, non-financial aspect to your relationship breakdown. 

bouicca21

If he has worked for TfL for any length of time then he is probably on a final salary scheme.  He would be able to nominate his children to get his death in service benefit but if they are adults and not financially dependent on him then I doubt they'd get any pension. We're back to a possible widow's pension ...

Ratita_Presumida

Ratita_Presumida said:

Marcon said:

Ratita_Presumida said:

I’ve been separated since 2016 and don’t plan on divorcing, it was my decision not to claim anything from his private pension due to him being a good friend. He has been supportive in so many ways when I became very sick, and knowing how hard he worked I couldn’t live with myself ruining his retirement.
If you aren't divorced you can't claim anything from his pension - it would take a court order to do that (as part of the financial settlement). 
I did want to ask a couple of questions:
He mentioned when we first broke up in 2016 that he had changed the receivers name on his private pension So if he dies whilst in service his children would receive the lump sum as with his pension, my name used to be on it but now that we get on well I wonder if he has changed it.
Ask him. Nobody here could know.
He knows I’ve struggled most of my life financially and with my health
He’s 65 and I’m 47, I would rather live with hardship that’s just who I am. He rents privately £1200 a month so its my separated husband who will struggle the most when he retires I guess
If he's 65 it may soon become an academic question, if he intends to retire in the reasonably near future. Death in service lump sums are just that: payable if someone dies while they are an employee.

Another question: What happens to his state pension? He has 35 years of NI credits
If you are still married at the time he dies, you have the same rights (or lack of them) as any other spouse. 

Please don’t think of me as greedy, I just want to know where I stand. Of course the money would be lovely, had I been able to work my private pension would of given me a quality of life. We got married either 2007 or 2008. If my husband can prove we are separated as far back as 2007 I’m thinking I will receive nothing
It seems strange that you don't know when you got married; most people tend to remember that sort of thing. Are you sure you had a valid ceremony? If so, dig out the marriage certificate. Why would you separate immediately after marriage - at the start of your post you said you separated in 2016.  Are you judicially separated or simply not together any more?



  

What sort of pension scheme is your husband in? if it's a defined benefit (final salary) scheme, then the rules of the scheme will dictate who gets the pension. You are correct in thinking that your separation could impact on your entitlement, but without seeing the rules of the scheme, it's impossible to guess. You'd need to check with your husband, and as you're on good terms, that seems a reasonable question to ask.

If it's a defined contribution pension scheme, then it is entirely possible that you will receive nothing, particularly if you cannot show financial dependence on your husband at the time of his death - and from your post, that seems to be the case.

Erm.......... Not knowing the year I got married is rather odd for a female, had I been male you wouldn’t of bat an eye lid ha ha. Anyway had I been happily married to this day maybe I would of remembered the year. Plus I’ve got an excuse........2 months later I was on the operating table. That’s my excuse. 

I have avoided asking my husband if I will inherit any of his pension. My separated husband is basically my best friend, I dare not ask if he can pencil my name in again on his private pension. I feel it’s a it of a nerve. My father keeps telling me I deserve to struggle financially as I should divorce him and do a court order for his money. My parents are heartless, my ex lives in a rented house in Surrey and pays £1200 month rent.
i would rather friendship over destroying my separated husbands retirement. I’m Probably a rarity with not being greedy ex wife who thinks cars and handbags come 1st
yes I will probably be married to him at the time he pops his clogs, just be nice to get some of his state pension 

OK, what year were you on the operating table, since that's clearly a more memorable event than your marriage?

If you can't ask your husband basic questions, you might want to think again about the meaning of describing him as 'your best friend'. Friends confide in each other, support each other, talk to each other...

I feel 2008 sticks in my mind more with regards to being opened up as it was more painful than sitting with my in-laws at my reception. Let’s go with 2008 regarding my wedding, 

Ratita_Presumida

DairyQueen said:

So....

You aren't interested in claiming any of ex's pension but are seeking advice on how to achieve exactly that.

I suggest that you just get on with the divorce and financial settlement and stop pretending that there is some kind of platonic, non-financial aspect to your relationship breakdown. 

Blimey............is my message writing that complicated. I will make an example so that u can understand my predicament 
“back stabber” name calling and gossiping about a person behind ones back.

so........ I’m trying to get through the back door without him noticing. Is that a better way of explaining my abnormal behaviour is frantically googling DWP pension for married widows. I’m a bit like a pension stalker lol. I just don’t want to come across as greedy . I would hate for him to think I’m googling that P word ha ha. 

hyubh

Ratita_Presumida said:

Blimey............is my message writing that complicated. I will make an example so that u can understand my predicament 
“back stabber” name calling and gossiping about a person behind ones back.

If his main pension is with TfL (which it will be, if he has been employed by TfL for many years), then we are talking about a DB not DC pension where any 'adult dependant' on his death would take priority over you as the legal spouse, excepting any WGMP for 78-97 service (the WGMP would form only a very small part of the total spouse's pension however). I've found this stated on the scheme's website (https://tfl.gov.uk/pensions/your-pension/benefits-on-death), and more formally, in the trust deed and rules (https://content.tfl.gov.uk/trust-deed-and-rules-1.pdf - see pp.45-6, where p.1 is p.3 of the PDF).

Another document (http://content.tfl.gov.uk/pensions-glossary-july-2020.pdf ) defines an 'adult dependant' as,

a person who is, in the opinion of the Trustees, dependent on you [i.e. the original member] for support and maintenance of their accustomed standard of living when you die. Evidence of dependency may be requested. An adult dependant's pension is payable for life.

Your adult dependant can be:

• Your spouse or civil partner

• Your partner, including a partner of the same sex

• Any other person who is dependent on you, except a child, other than an Eligible Child.

So if he has (or comes to have) another partner on death, you would basically be stuffed. 

If you want to protect your rights, you need to divorce and deal with it properly. Your rhetoric about appearing a 'back stabber' makes little sense, so-called 'pension sharing orders' are just a matter of life.

Thrugelmir

Ratita_Presumida said:

Marcon said:

Ratita_Presumida said:

Marcon said:

Ratita_Presumida said:

I’ve been separated since 2016 and don’t plan on divorcing, it was my decision not to claim anything from his private pension due to him being a good friend. He has been supportive in so many ways when I became very sick, and knowing how hard he worked I couldn’t live with myself ruining his retirement.
If you aren't divorced you can't claim anything from his pension - it would take a court order to do that (as part of the financial settlement). 
I did want to ask a couple of questions:
He mentioned when we first broke up in 2016 that he had changed the receivers name on his private pension So if he dies whilst in service his children would receive the lump sum as with his pension, my name used to be on it but now that we get on well I wonder if he has changed it.
Ask him. Nobody here could know.
He knows I’ve struggled most of my life financially and with my health
He’s 65 and I’m 47, I would rather live with hardship that’s just who I am. He rents privately £1200 a month so its my separated husband who will struggle the most when he retires I guess
If he's 65 it may soon become an academic question, if he intends to retire in the reasonably near future. Death in service lump sums are just that: payable if someone dies while they are an employee.

Another question: What happens to his state pension? He has 35 years of NI credits
If you are still married at the time he dies, you have the same rights (or lack of them) as any other spouse. 

Please don’t think of me as greedy, I just want to know where I stand. Of course the money would be lovely, had I been able to work my private pension would of given me a quality of life. We got married either 2007 or 2008. If my husband can prove we are separated as far back as 2007 I’m thinking I will receive nothing
It seems strange that you don't know when you got married; most people tend to remember that sort of thing. Are you sure you had a valid ceremony? If so, dig out the marriage certificate. Why would you separate immediately after marriage - at the start of your post you said you separated in 2016.  Are you judicially separated or simply not together any more?



  

What sort of pension scheme is your husband in? if it's a defined benefit (final salary) scheme, then the rules of the scheme will dictate who gets the pension. You are correct in thinking that your separation could impact on your entitlement, but without seeing the rules of the scheme, it's impossible to guess. You'd need to check with your husband, and as you're on good terms, that seems a reasonable question to ask.

If it's a defined contribution pension scheme, then it is entirely possible that you will receive nothing, particularly if you cannot show financial dependence on your husband at the time of his death - and from your post, that seems to be the case.

Erm.......... Not knowing the year I got married is rather odd for a female, had I been male you wouldn’t of bat an eye lid ha ha. Anyway had I been happily married to this day maybe I would of remembered the year. Plus I’ve got an excuse........2 months later I was on the operating table. That’s my excuse. 

I have avoided asking my husband if I will inherit any of his pension. My separated husband is basically my best friend, I dare not ask if he can pencil my name in again on his private pension. I feel it’s a it of a nerve. My father keeps telling me I deserve to struggle financially as I should divorce him and do a court order for his money. My parents are heartless, my ex lives in a rented house in Surrey and pays £1200 month rent.
i would rather friendship over destroying my separated husbands retirement. I’m Probably a rarity with not being greedy ex wife who thinks cars and handbags come 1st
yes I will probably be married to him at the time he pops his clogs, just be nice to get some of his state pension 

OK, what year were you on the operating table, since that's clearly a more memorable event than your marriage?

If you can't ask your husband basic questions, you might want to think again about the meaning of describing him as 'your best friend'. Friends confide in each other, support each other, talk to each other...

My separated husband is very sensitive when discussing his pension,

Hardly surprising. Probably sought advice and is aware of what you could potentially claim. Being friends and not finalising the financial aspects of the divorce suits him fine. 

Marcon

Ratita_Presumida said:

Ratita_Presumida said:

Marcon said:

Ratita_Presumida said:

I’ve been separated since 2016 and don’t plan on divorcing, it was my decision not to claim anything from his private pension due to him being a good friend. He has been supportive in so many ways when I became very sick, and knowing how hard he worked I couldn’t live with myself ruining his retirement.
If you aren't divorced you can't claim anything from his pension - it would take a court order to do that (as part of the financial settlement). 
I did want to ask a couple of questions:
He mentioned when we first broke up in 2016 that he had changed the receivers name on his private pension So if he dies whilst in service his children would receive the lump sum as with his pension, my name used to be on it but now that we get on well I wonder if he has changed it.
Ask him. Nobody here could know.
He knows I’ve struggled most of my life financially and with my health
He’s 65 and I’m 47, I would rather live with hardship that’s just who I am. He rents privately £1200 a month so its my separated husband who will struggle the most when he retires I guess
If he's 65 it may soon become an academic question, if he intends to retire in the reasonably near future. Death in service lump sums are just that: payable if someone dies while they are an employee.

Another question: What happens to his state pension? He has 35 years of NI credits
If you are still married at the time he dies, you have the same rights (or lack of them) as any other spouse. 

Please don’t think of me as greedy, I just want to know where I stand. Of course the money would be lovely, had I been able to work my private pension would of given me a quality of life. We got married either 2007 or 2008. If my husband can prove we are separated as far back as 2007 I’m thinking I will receive nothing
It seems strange that you don't know when you got married; most people tend to remember that sort of thing. Are you sure you had a valid ceremony? If so, dig out the marriage certificate. Why would you separate immediately after marriage - at the start of your post you said you separated in 2016.  Are you judicially separated or simply not together any more?



  

What sort of pension scheme is your husband in? if it's a defined benefit (final salary) scheme, then the rules of the scheme will dictate who gets the pension. You are correct in thinking that your separation could impact on your entitlement, but without seeing the rules of the scheme, it's impossible to guess. You'd need to check with your husband, and as you're on good terms, that seems a reasonable question to ask.

If it's a defined contribution pension scheme, then it is entirely possible that you will receive nothing, particularly if you cannot show financial dependence on your husband at the time of his death - and from your post, that seems to be the case.

Erm.......... Not knowing the year I got married is rather odd for a female, had I been male you wouldn’t of bat an eye lid ha ha. Anyway had I been happily married to this day maybe I would of remembered the year. Plus I’ve got an excuse........2 months later I was on the operating table. That’s my excuse. 

I have avoided asking my husband if I will inherit any of his pension. My separated husband is basically my best friend, I dare not ask if he can pencil my name in again on his private pension. I feel it’s a it of a nerve. My father keeps telling me I deserve to struggle financially as I should divorce him and do a court order for his money. My parents are heartless, my ex lives in a rented house in Surrey and pays £1200 month rent.
i would rather friendship over destroying my separated husbands retirement. I’m Probably a rarity with not being greedy ex wife who thinks cars and handbags come 1st
yes I will probably be married to him at the time he pops his clogs, just be nice to get some of his state pension 

OK, what year were you on the operating table, since that's clearly a more memorable event than your marriage?

If you can't ask your husband basic questions, you might want to think again about the meaning of describing him as 'your best friend'. Friends confide in each other, support each other, talk to each other...

I feel 2008 sticks in my mind more with regards to being opened up as it was more painful than sitting with my in-laws at my reception. Let’s go with 2008 regarding my wedding, 

Let's not bother. Ask your husband about his pension - being straightforward may be much more helpful than all this obfuscation and actually get you an answer.

coyrls

Ratita_Presumida said:

DairyQueen said:

So....

You aren't interested in claiming any of ex's pension but are seeking advice on how to achieve exactly that.

I suggest that you just get on with the divorce and financial settlement and stop pretending that there is some kind of platonic, non-financial aspect to your relationship breakdown. 

Blimey............is my message writing that complicated.

Yes.

Take DairyQueen's uncomplicated advice.

Bimbly

There is obviously a lot of emotion around this subject for you. From what you have said, it appears you have three options:

1) Talk to him about this and find out definitively.
2) Forget about the whole thing and continue on as you are.
3) Divorce and sort out your finances legally once and for all.

The first option doesn't seem viable as you don't want to bring up the subject and he doesn't want to tell you. The second option isn't getting you anywhere. So you are left with the third option, which I honestly think is the best for you. If he is truly your best friend, he will help you through this. If he is not, then it can be done at arm's length through the legal process. At the end of it, both of you will know where you stand. Don't worry about how it will affect him financially, as a settlement will take into account his needs as well as your own. What you need to consider is yourself. This is clearly weighing heavily on you and you need it sorted.

I don't think there is much more that the financially knowledgable people on this board can contribute regarding the pension situation. This is a personal relationship situation. Perhaps reach out to other friends for support, or you could even seek out divorce/relationship groups for advice.

Good luck with how you decide to proceed.