Who to talk to

Savvy_Sue

If not, there is a Men's Aid too and a Men's advice line

http://www.mensaid.co.uk/

https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

sassyblue

I don’t think the Samaritans will give advice though, just listen, so it depends what you are specifically looking for.

I also agree posting here might be a good start. There’s always someone who has the answer or can point you in the right direction. Just ignore any personal opinions if you don’t agree with them, there’s no reason to let them bother you.

[Deleted User]

There’s also Relate because you don’t have to go as a couple. 

https://www.relate.org.uk/

Jox

Thanks all, I went for a long walk yesterday, left early in the morning before people got up and turned my phone off.
My problems are living with a person who drinks. I'm not the sort of person to talk to friends about problems, their answers would be to leave him which I know but not possible for financial reasons and because we have a child together.
When I have spoken to family they get upset on my behalf and don't talk to my "partner" which causes more problems between our families.
I have vented on here before and get called a doormat etc. I will try Relate and there is a charity for families of drinkers I think.
A friend of mine moaned about her partner and his drinking for 10 years, we all told her to leave him and now he has got very ill from the drinking and has brain damage and she is his carer. It feels like a cautionary tale to me.
I just feel upset a lot and don't know how to make things better.

gettingtheresometime

Jox said:

Thanks all, I went for a long walk yesterday, left early in the morning before people got up and turned my phone off.
My problems are living with a person who drinks. I'm not the sort of person to talk to friends about problems, their answers would be to leave him which I know but not possible for financial reasons and because we have a child together.
When I have spoken to family they get upset on my behalf and don't talk to my "partner" which causes more problems between our families.
I have vented on here before and get called a doormat etc. I will try Relate and there is a charity for families of drinkers I think.
A friend of mine moaned about her partner and his drinking for 10 years, we all told her to leave him and now he has got very ill from the drinking and has brain damage and she is his carer. It feels like a cautionary tale to me.
I just feel upset a lot and don't know how to make things better.

was it this charity you were thinking of - Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics (al-anonuk.org.uk)
Do you want to leave him or do you want him to seek help for his drinking? And if it's the later, but he won't, are you prepared to leave him?
If you do want (or are prepared) to leave him but know there are issues before you could, would it help to write the problem on a sheet of paper, the barriers to that problem and then ways of removing those barriers - so effectively a map of where you are now to where you want to be?

breaking_free

Hi Jox.
You say you have a child together and cannot leave for financial reasons. You may think that you can't afford to leave. I reckon you can't afford to stay as he will bleed your life dry, financially and emotionally. 

I lived with an alcoholic. He used to literally shake me for money for booze (I frequently had bruised upper arms). He would steal my debit cards and take money from my account. He ran up tabs at every local pub until they stopped extending credit. He sold my belongings and even sold his wedding ring. I was nothing more than a bank account to him. I had a high earning job but every month he would squeeze me till the pips squeaked for booze money.

Then I ran away with little more than the clothes on my back (he went on to sell all my belongings). Life became brighter. I was able to keep all the money I earned. I told ALL my friends and family about the hideously embarrassing situtation that had been my marriage and I received nothing but support from them.

If you leave there is financial assistance to support you and your child so you are not trapped by lack of finances. If you haven't already done so, join the Womens Aid survivors' forum and tell them your story. You'll get tons of support and no judgement. x

AskAsk

Jox said:

Thanks all, I went for a long walk yesterday, left early in the morning before people got up and turned my phone off.
My problems are living with a person who drinks. I'm not the sort of person to talk to friends about problems, their answers would be to leave him which I know but not possible for financial reasons and because we have a child together.
When I have spoken to family they get upset on my behalf and don't talk to my "partner" which causes more problems between our families.
I have vented on here before and get called a doormat etc. I will try Relate and there is a charity for families of drinkers I think.
A friend of mine moaned about her partner and his drinking for 10 years, we all told her to leave him and now he has got very ill from the drinking and has brain damage and she is his carer. It feels like a cautionary tale to me.
I just feel upset a lot and don't know how to make things better.

your partner will need to want to change as you can't change him on your own.  he needs to agree to seek help for the drinking, otherwise there is very little that you can do except learn to live with the situation and plan for the worst eventuality.

Mojisola

Jox said:

My problems are living with a person who drinks. I'm not the sort of person to talk to friends about problems, their answers would be to leave him which I know but not possible for financial reasons and because we have a child together.

Keeping a child in a household with an alcoholic who makes their partner feel like you do is very damaging.

If the drinker isn't prepared to make changes, for the sake of the child, work out a way of leaving.

MovingForwards

My ex was an alcoholic, prioritised drink over everything else, put it on credit cards, and my income wasn't enough to cover everything. Even a good friend of his drinking himself to death wasn't a wake-up call, he drank more himself. I ended up in serious financial trouble which I only got out of because I walked away and started over, clearing my debts in the process.

As with any addiction, unless he admits there's a problem and gets help, nothing will change. It's also not good for a child seeing it.

mason's_mum

My father was an alcoholic - my mum tried everything to get to the bottom of the issue and get him to stop drinking and as a consequence wasted many years of her life, as she wasn't ready to leave until my younger sister left home for university. I believe (although I'd never say this to her) that she should have left sooner. It's hugely destructive for a child with an alcoholic parent in the house. I hate to say it, but you are not doing your child any favours by staying. My father and I had an incredibly poor relationship until he died from compounded alcohol related issues at 60 years old, 3 years ago.